Good job. But I'm about to leave this site cause it's BS that all these really crappy bad stories with all these mistakes get all the attention when the good ones like mine and yours petro get none

tmspartan: Mr Grenade: tmspartan: Offensive Bias::( What's wrong OB? There must be a reason for this sad face... Yeah OB what happened? Wait I think he said he got banned If that's true then that's a little ridiculous.. Are the mods just booting all of the old members out of spite?I don't know but it might have been a ...

tmspartan: Offensive Bias::( What's wrong OB? There must be a reason for this sad face... Yeah OB what happened? Wait I think he said he got banned

Encrypted AI: Mr Grenade:Um, where to begin. Punctuation is needed desperately, your grammar was off a bit, you put no coma's at the end of quotes, and the fact that you used four lines of space was a little annoying, and it just made the prologue longer than it should've been its my computerAh okay then

Um, where to begin. Punctuation is needed desperately, your grammar was off a bit, you put no coma's at the end of quotes, and the fact that you used four lines of space was a little annoying, and it just made the prologue longer than it should've been

Thanks Nocbl

studmuffin:you know people may not comment in this story's but people do read them, I come here often and read fan-fics, I just dont normally comment because I am not the type fo person you want tips on writing from. lol nice story by the way keep it up...OR ELSE! Yeah I realize that I just prefer for people to comment just so I know they ...

The explanations will come soon do not worry. It's all about that piece of paper

Tm if it wouldn't bother you would you read chapter 2 of my new story?

If you want your story at the front page just say bump