A nice story i made

Last post 07-30-2007, 11:27 PM by Royale. 25 replies.
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  •  07-28-2007, 4:14 PM 80649

    A nice story i made

    Chapter one the escape

    The following takes place after halo one and before halo 2

    On a lone curiser in the vast open area of space. Master cheif and hundereds of marines are vaction, well more or less when you have been on halo and get off this is a vaction.

    "Sir" A young marine runs to Johnson.

    "What marine!" yelled Johnson after all it was his vaction.

    "Sir we just picked up a disstress message on the planet below."

    "Is it ours, or covie" In either case he wouldn't care.

    "Sir it is something else" The marine just stood there, Johnson thought about it for a little awhile.

    "Chief we going down there get some marines, and you marine you figure out what the message says. Load marines we going to get our slefs some action for us"

    "Sir yes sir!'

    The marines got on the pelicans, sarge followed chief on. They shot out into space slowly going down into the planet.

    "god that thing is huge" blableda marine It was 3 times the size of a covie capital ship thoughts ran though everyones mind but one stay in all what shot it down nothing covie could even try to take it down and thats if it had light weapons not large ones like it should have

    "Johson where should we land"

    "uhh There looks like a hanger over there"

    "Got it sir" They guided themslefs in it could only hold 3 of the ten pelicans they had brought

    "We will go find anthor way in sir" They landed the marines came out holding their brand new battle rifles and smgs MC came out they look around wires where falling out and active fires where all over the place there was a not a word spoken what ever got them did alot of damage. they all advanced towards a door it was already open it had been torwed down. They truned on there flash lights and slowley walked down the hallway they saw anthor door ahead. it said medical this door had blullet holes all over it they walked up one of the marines touched it and it fell down making a loud bang.

    "Marine what are you doing'

    "uh making a door?"

    "very funney move up marines"

    they all moved slowley in this place was worst than what they had seen so far. It had maney tubes that looked like they held some thing but all of them was broken they looked all around  no bodies? Then they looked and saw a flashlight and a guy he had a pistol form the looks of it he looked at them.

    "You guys got to get out of here!" he was still in the air vent.

    "Marines go help him."

    The guy slowly tried to get out he was laying down he was just about to make it when he stop he grabed the opening with a firm gripped and look behind himslef. He started to scream "it is coming save me save me!" He looked back again and shot of his whole entire clip. The whole air vent came to life the marines quickly tried to get him out then some thing grabbed his leg the marine gripped was almost instantaly lost then the man started to be dragged awayhe started to scream. Then he stop his head just fell down there was hiss the marines rasied there weapons. They didn't see anything thenthe body came flying at them hitting them with unseen force they flew across the room then hit the wall dead.

    "god!' The marines where struck with fear they didn't know what to do even master cheif was a little sacred. They heard something crawling in the airvent above them They all looked for a exit. Then they saw  that medical went to anthor room it was labled the lab the door was again broken down. they all ran in looking around they saw tons of computers and 3 bodies  on the floor in corner and a figure also there looking at the the light was to dim to see what it was. It jumped strait at cheif with soo much speed mc was knock to the ground but the figure had jumped off chief into a hole into the wall into a room with no lighting no one saw what it was.

    Cortana then bursted out "well you could plug me into that computer" They did and the information they found was amazing


    You all know I like cats
  •  07-28-2007, 4:48 PM 80661 in reply to 80649

    Re: A nice story i made

    i gave up after 5 lines, ur spelling sucks, ur writing style can hardly be called writing, plus i hate you

    He Who Cares For The Opinions of Others is Lost



    What others think of us would be of little moment did it not, when known, so deeply tinge what we think of ourselves.
  •  07-28-2007, 6:39 PM 80713 in reply to 80661

    Re: A nice story i made

    Ok i am sorry i will just never write again to shield the world form my ideas and spelling!
    You all know I like cats
  •  07-28-2007, 7:08 PM 80720 in reply to 80713

    Re: A nice story i made

    wow i love the story and the guy who said he hated it hes a dummie
    [[http://content.answers.com/main/content/wp/en/thumb/2/2a/200px-HalfJaw.png]]Rtas 'Vadumee the best person in the halovers
  •  07-28-2007, 7:57 PM 80732 in reply to 80720

    Re: A nice story i made

    d**n, im having trouble correcting it of all the errors, dude, ANOTHER is not spelled ANTHOR(is Anthor the Ant god of Thunder?)

    nice try though, its called First Strike


    Make life fun, celebrate Halloween
  •  07-28-2007, 8:02 PM 80734 in reply to 80732

    Re: A nice story i made

    Yah, have you read First Strike?

    And BTW...its spelled "Vacation", not "Vaction".  One time misspelling it wouldnt be a problem, but i saw it 3 times within 3 lines. 


  •  07-28-2007, 8:22 PM 80742 in reply to 80649

    Re: A nice story i made

    i dont really know how to say "hated it" politely

  •  07-28-2007, 10:22 PM 80764 in reply to 80742

    Re: A nice story i made

    Chapter 2 revealed

    The info was amazing theses where reanagade rebles that where making a empire, but within this empire was a terriable thing. This thing had no name no data on it. It was simple named Owen such a simple name for what seemed a unstoppable creature. cortana dived deeper into the data base, this ship was named newland it was mean to be a living ship for a small pouplation they where escorted by 5 ships they where tooken over by the Owen and they drove the ships into newland. Then newland flew slowly forward after they got the ships off but Owen had some how got a small amout of them into the engine chambers and destoryed it, but the marine force that was on the ship captured Owen and manage to studey them. Then they esacped showing power unseen before. They slowly took over the ship untill about only 5,000 of the orinagle 500,000 people where left living in fear. Then the data seemed to end with a sound recording with gunshots and scartted screams.

    They where all still scared they still didn't know what took them down or why there was no bodies. The marines quietly heading back to the pelicans to see the poilts their bodey parts all over the pelican blood flowing out of the pelicans. They checked all of the pelicans the radio was tooken out these things where smart.They found anthor exit it said amourey they looked at the door it was locked. They walked up and disabled the lock when they came in they where shocked.

    15 badley wounded men sat bloodley a disfigured sat there. One spoke

    "Get out they are harvesting us you must leave or we will kill you"

    A Owen rose from anthor dark coner its dark scaley fingers grabbed someone and dragged him into a coner  he screamed. Then it was a squeak then he died. The marines couldn't take it.  they all came up and open fire. the Owen skin truned red its blood was pouring out but it didn't phase it at all! He then fell on the ground out of the blue. One of the marines came up too it and shot it three times and tried to get a closer look. Then it came to life and grabbed the marines head then snap it broke his neck. Mc came up and put a mc to its neck banging to against a wall and it didn't move master cheif rose hid other hand pick up a smg and hit it in the side of its head as hard as he could making its head fly off.

    The Owen came to life knocking over mc and started to run around the room knocking people over till it fell on the ground and started to spas the marines quickley fled with mc out of the room locking the door then a big bang was heard one marine open the door and looked in the room was cover with blood and body parts the Owen blew up when it died this was not good. This was not going to be a easyfight but this was not the worst


    You all know I like cats
  •  07-28-2007, 10:43 PM 80770 in reply to 80764

    Re: A nice story i made

    Just wondering if you guys could read ma fan-fic,

     

    the light before the end I want more opinions!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!

     

    BTW to the guy who made this one!!! NICE I DON'T GET IT YET BUT COOL MAN! 

  •  07-28-2007, 11:19 PM 80786 in reply to 80661

    Re: A nice story i made

    NinjaTheory:
    i gave up after 5 lines, ur spelling sucks, ur writing style can hardly be called writing, plus i hate you

    Im gonna have to agree with avid and NT... except for the part about hating u.....but anyways... ya u really should try spell check.. and if that dont work... then read it urself before u actually post it... i dont know where its going... but..w.e... if u fix ur spellin... and make ur style a bit better.... it could be pretty likeable...


    " A wrong is unredressed when retribution overtakes its redresser. "
    Visit The Maw Website and join the forum!
  •  07-28-2007, 11:30 PM 80788 in reply to 80786

    Re: A nice story i made

    I liked and I surely don't hate you but some words i couldn't read but nice story.
    Angatar, Iron-Power
  •  07-29-2007, 12:10 AM 80808 in reply to 80788

    Re: A nice story i made

    dude, SPELLING!!!

    and btw, ur writing style....sucks.....u try to push too much info into too little story

    work on your characters, and your setting, practice by maybe writing....5 pages jsut about the characters and ther world they're in, where the story doesn't really expand at all, jsut so u get used to really working the characters (of course, don't give us those 5 pages, and never just spend 5 pages on a short fan fic to do that stuff, its jsut for practice) 


    He Who Cares For The Opinions of Others is Lost



    What others think of us would be of little moment did it not, when known, so deeply tinge what we think of ourselves.
  •  07-29-2007, 12:11 AM 80810 in reply to 80764

    Re: A nice story i made

    A.I:

    The marines quietly heading back to the pelicans to see the poilts their bodey parts all over the pelican blood flowing out of the pelicans.

    I was just laughing at this part, saying to myself 'That sucks!'

     

    Other than this is occurring where First Strike takes place, and that this is utterly against canon (which quite personally i never cared for.  I prefer my own personal original storyline anyway) Ummm......

     

    It kinda...


    "...You might think I'm losing my mind, but I will shy away from the specifics..."

    gamertag: path090
  •  07-29-2007, 12:26 AM 80824 in reply to 80810

    Re: A nice story i made

    My god I didnt even bother reading the 2nd chapter after finishing the first couple of sentences. Spell check dude. SPELL CHECK. I also dont usually read what I wrote after I made it but you should definently start doing so.

  •  07-29-2007, 12:57 AM 80842 in reply to 80810

    Re: A nice story i made

    Royale:
    A.I:

    The marines quietly heading back to the pelicans to see the poilts their bodey parts all over the pelican blood flowing out of the pelicans.

    I was just laughing at this part, saying to myself 'That sucks!'

     

    whats that even say? lol 


    He Who Cares For The Opinions of Others is Lost



    What others think of us would be of little moment did it not, when known, so deeply tinge what we think of ourselves.
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