Proluge

January 5th, 2525 United States of America, Earth

My 18th birthday, the big one. I woke to a nice happy birthday from my parents, my brother, and my sister. I was the oldest one in the family, and the top scholar. My girlfriend and my friends and family threw me a great surprise party. When I went to bed I thought to myself "What a great day this was".

 

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Don't make me push the big red button.....

*Hopes fan fiction won't emulate Memoirs*

 Good luck with writing it. Try to make the future parts longer. Much longer. As in, ten or fifteen times as long.

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"This one has forgotten whether it's heatsink is over capacity. It wonders whether the criminal scum considers itself fortunate" ~ Blasto, the only Hanar Spectre.

Thanks! I won't try to copy yours I just got some ideas from yours. I'm glad such a talented writer has posted on this. Also when will you post some more of Halo: Insurrection and Halo: True Sangheili? I also just read the last part of Memoirs of a ODST it was a great end espically with that twist with Admiral Cole and Blade being his uncle!Anyways last night I got a new idea for the 1st Chapter so I'll post that right now. It might be a short.

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Don't make me push the big red button.....

Chapter 1

February 11th, 2525 United States of America, Earth

When I woke up this morning it was to the sound of the news blaring downstairs. I walked down and I saw that it wasn't the news, it was my father who was on the phone. He owned a UNSC armory in the north part of the city near the Barracks. When he got off the phone he told me that some kind of alien army was invading Harvest, they needed his armory open extra early. That's when I thought it was time to become a ODST. I have been wanting to be one ever since my grandpa told me he was one. I headed up to the recruiting center which was packed with Marines and ODSTs. I got through and I asked a Marine where the ODST recruiting officer was, he pointed to a group of ODSTs standing in a corner with a sheet of paper and a pen. It was the same procedure my grandpa told me he went through. They asked me how I knew about what's going on at Harvest and I told them my dad owned a UNSC armory a few blocks away. He got me my armor and then we headed over to my dad's armory and got me the standard equipment. We went to the Naval port a few miles away and got onboard a Frigate called "The Final Word". Once we got into the air a hour later I knew it was no time to be fooling around.  The squad introuced themselves to me, Liuetenant Acers, Corporal Rutis, Lance Corporal Madson, and Private First Class Kilon. My rank was obvious, Private. The Lieutenant started to speak "So you're the FNG?" I responded with a nervous "Yes". He spoke again but to our squad, "Alright squad, we are going into Hell. We are going to stop whoever or whatever is invading Harvest. We will arrive in about 3 hours so get ready for a briefing." "OOH RAH!" All the squad yelled. I knew this was going to be a hell of a ride.

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Don't make me push the big red button.....

Decent enough, but not enough description. Also, hypocritical as this may seem; having someone become an ODST straight away is a tad unrealistic. The only reason the rule stating you needed experience in the marines was wavered in Memoirs is because they were desperate for new soldiers; they had no idea how many Covenant were pursuing the fleeing ship. Also, Blade may have been humouring Archer, or Farm Boy as he was known back then, intending to pass the application along to the marines. Once he saw the real name of Archer though, he had second thoughts.

Anyway, so yeah, a tad unrealistic. Also, Harvest wouldn't have an armoury, the citizens were against violence. And you should describe what's going on more, because it's like "He decided to become an ODST, so he went to the ODST office and became one. Then he met up with his new squad and they were thrown into action immediately."

Try to put in some scenic description and character in between the events occuring. And space out the lines, for example...

The Elite walked across the corpse littered battlefield, curling his lip in satisfaction. He saw a fellow Sangheili. "When will the Keelbug come to clear this mess? The scent of blood is unappealing." the first Elite asked, and the second looked over. "I don't think that way brother, the smell reminds me of the horrors of war, and how it is not to be taken lightly." the first nodded, stepping over the corpse of a human Lieutenant. "Whilst what you say me be true, it doesn't make it any less disgusting. Come, let us head back to the Phantom, my belly aches for food."

 Would become...

The Elite walked across the corpse littered battlefield, curling his lip in satisfaction. He saw a fellow Sangheili.

 "When will the Keelbug come to clear this mess? The scent of blood is unappealing." the first Elite asked, and the second looked over.

 "I don't think that way brother, the smell reminds me of the horrors of war, and how it is not to be taken lightly." The first nodded, stepping over the corpse of a human Lieutenant.

"Whilst what you say me be true, it doesn't make it any less disgusting. Come, let us head back to the Phantom, my belly aches for food."

See what I mean?

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"This one has forgotten whether it's heatsink is over capacity. It wonders whether the criminal scum considers itself fortunate" ~ Blasto, the only Hanar Spectre.

The first mistake you made was in the title.

"The Story of an ODST"  is how it should be.

Do you write this directly from the site window?

If so, you should consider writing it from MS Word of Notepad or some type of word processor, as these can catch most of your grammar and spelling errors while also the copy and pasted version has a more attractive size and spacing of lines.

I'll try to remember to keep up on this to see how it's doing. Keep writing, just make your chapters longer ;)

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Chuckles

Anyone else here getting sick of tiny two-word posts that become huge because of the O.G. picture?

Chuckles:

The first mistake you made was in the title.

"The Story of an ODST"  is how it should be.

Do you write this directly from the site window?

If so, you should consider writing it from MS Word of Notepad or some type of word processor, as these can catch most of your grammar and spelling errors while also the copy and pasted version has a more attractive size and spacing of lines.

I'll try to remember to keep up on this to see how it's doing. Keep writing, just make your chapters longer ;)

I'm on a Mac.Also wolver I wasn't talking about a armory on Harvest, I was talking about one on Earth.

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Don't make me push the big red button.....

Doesn't the mac have some type of word-processor?

Helpful tip, whenever you use 'a' before a noun, like saying "a bus". If that noun you're describing begins with a vowel, you substitute the 'a' with 'an'.

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Chuckles

Anyone else here getting sick of tiny two-word posts that become huge because of the O.G. picture?

Ah, of course. I only just noticed that you said the USA. Well, in that case, there is another error, because the UNSC covered up the Covenant war for years. No one in the inner colony knew about it for a long time, other than rumours.

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"This one has forgotten whether it's heatsink is over capacity. It wonders whether the criminal scum considers itself fortunate" ~ Blasto, the only Hanar Spectre.

Wolverfrog49:Ah, of course. I only just noticed that you said the USA. Well, in that case, there is another error, because the UNSC covered up the Covenant war for years. No one in the inner colony knew about it for a long time, other than rumours.

Unless you worked for the UNSC which his father did.I know that they covered up the war for years. I haven't read any of the books so sorry about all of those errors.

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Don't make me push the big red button.....

stephen098:

Wolverfrog49:Ah, of course. I only just noticed that you said the USA. Well, in that case, there is another error, because the UNSC covered up the Covenant war for years. No one in the inner colony knew about it for a long time, other than rumours.

Unless you worked for the UNSC which his father did.I know that they covered up the war for years. I haven't read any of the books so sorry about all of those errors.

 I suggest you read them, or at least the first four. You can get them cheap on Amazon, and I also heard that many Torrent sites have them in e-book form as downloads. Not that I would ever suggest doing such a thing.

 *Winks*

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"This one has forgotten whether it's heatsink is over capacity. It wonders whether the criminal scum considers itself fortunate" ~ Blasto, the only Hanar Spectre.

stephen098:

Wolverfrog49:Ah, of course. I only just noticed that you said the USA. Well, in that case, there is another error, because the UNSC covered up the Covenant war for years. No one in the inner colony knew about it for a long time, other than rumours.

Unless you worked for the UNSC which his father did.I know that they covered up the war for years. I haven't read any of the books so sorry about all of those errors.

So his father knew, but if it was classified, technically he wouldn't be allowed to tell his family or someone else who didn't know anything. I can see him telling his wife, but his kids?

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Chuckles

Anyone else here getting sick of tiny two-word posts that become huge because of the O.G. picture?

Only his son because he knew he wanted to become a ODST.

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Don't make me push the big red button.....

But...how would his son know because he wanted to become an ODST?

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Chuckles

Anyone else here getting sick of tiny two-word posts that become huge because of the O.G. picture?

Chuckles:

Doesn't the mac have some type of word-processor?

Helpful tip, whenever you use 'a' before a noun, like saying "a bus". If that noun you're describing begins with a vowel, you substitute the 'a' with 'an'.

Yes, it's called Pages. That, and Appleworks for eMacs.

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Tank > Banshee