FF: The tale of the moon jungle

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  •  08-12-2009, 1:21 AM 691126

    FF: The tale of the moon jungle

    CHAPTER 1:

    Close Foreigners

    Plasma hit the ground relentlessly, heating the ground and making running hard. The sergeant's feet burned as the scorching plasma hit them. He screamed as he hit the ground. The banshee fired a bomb at Private Paul. A couple of burning flesh and ashes was all that remained of him. One of the marines reached the warthog and got on the gauss turret. One shot hit the banshee's left gravity pod causing it to swirl, falling out of control and crashing directly into the warthog. A loud explosion was heard in the usually quiet jungle. The surviving marines gathered every supplies and weapon they could find.

    The darkness was imposing itself into the jungle. The soldiers didn't say a word, fire camp lit up and a few cubicles laying around. It was a cold night, the firebase had been hit and few were the survivors. Three privates, two privates first class and a lance corporal had survived so far. They trembled in fear as they watched, vigil for any more covenant.

     Private Jacob sat near the fire camp reading quietly. He was a silent guy but a perfect marksman, his weapon of choice was the model 99 special application scoped rifle.

    Private Jan was thinking about the base inside her cubicle. She was social but sometimes liked moments of solitude. She knew how to pilot, had served as a special operations medic and always carried a MA2B assault rifle in the cockpit of a pelican, although she preferred the M6C (SOCOM).

    Private Jordan ate his bar while keeping an eye for patrols. He was talkative and a close quarters specialist. Always carrying an M90 MK 1 and a combat knife.

    Private first class Jeremy was polishing his armour. At times he could be very perfectionists but usually, he was calm. He preferred the MA2B and had a taste for the M7 machine gun.

    Private first class Autumn was keeping an eye for patrols too. She was very smart and liked to blow stuff up. She liked the M41 rocket launcher and had a couple of grenades, along with some C-7.

    Lance corporal Adrian sat alone, realizing that he was in charge of the lives of those marines. He carried around a MA2B and a M6D.

    The marines did a shifting vigil until the sunrise came. They began to pack-up. The burial of the fallen had been short, they had to move out or they might risk their lives by staying there too long. The cubicles had to be left behind, they would slow them down. Luckily, there was a mongoose they could use to transport ammunition.

    They marched south, there was a communication outpost a few kilometers from their position. After an hour they could see the communication antenna rise from the majestic wild trees. They rushed there only to find a few human and grunt corpses lying around.

    Adrian told Jordan and Jeremy to scout ahead for covenant. They spotted an elite soldier with two grunts gathering exiting the communication tower. The corporal wanted a surprise attack, he told the squad the plan. Jacob got into position and prepared to snipe the elite, Adrian and Jan aimed for the grunts with their M6 variants. A bullet penetrated the elite's skull and two penetrated each grunt's head. Autumn quickly ran at the door of the communication tower's room and chucked a flash bang then Jordan entered the room and killed two confused grunts with his shotgun.

    The tower was barely working. They couldn't send messages but there was a half-burned map of the jungle and a chart of pelican arrivals and departures. Adrian figured that there might be a pelican ten kilometers south west of the comm. tower as the charts and map made it clear to him. The squad's leader told Autumn to plant some charges and set them for a two hour detonation. The covenant would have trouble finding them if the tower was all but ashes. The cloudy sky began to show its dark gray colours. The squad moved on a barely functional transport warthog after repairing it,

    Almost two hours later a covenant spirit moved uncomfortably close to the tower, deploying some elites and grunts. They entered the room and quickly discovered the human outposts scattered through the jungle. The elites were moving back to the transport to report the newly found human outposts. They were confident they would crush the humans.

     

    CHAPTER 2:

    The Bird And The Safe Spikes

    Jan and the others heard a distant explosion in the vibrant lush jungle. She briefly smiled and hoped the covenant hadn't gotten the locations of any marine outpost. Sitting at the back of the warthog, she remembered her stay aboard the Shining Star, a retrofitted but old UNSC frigate. She was used for evacuation operations. She had been assigned to firebase delta and was supposed to transport the civilians in Lévis IV to the firebase then transport a few orbital drop shock troopers back to the ship. Of course, it all seemed too easy in the briefing... A few minutes after her landing on the planet a covenant light cruiser entered slipspace and forced the Shining Star to flee. She had to hide behind the fourth planet in the system. She would only come back when the civilians had been brought to a safe place. But she knew there was something more... Jan had served as a special operation pilot and medic. Her skills had been more than enough to ensure the survival of her old squad. They had to race against the covenant in an effort to retrieve an old artifact of some sort. The ONI spooks decided to demote her and to transfer her to the Shining Star as soon as the covenant attacked the planet. She had viewed the ship's cargo and she knew there were more than enough pelicans to rescue all the civilians on the surface of the Moon Jungle. There was no need for her... or so she thought. Either way, she had to focus on getting to the outpost.

    A few minutes later of traveling trough the harsh and muddy terrain they arrived to a small outpost with a single pelican on a landing pad. There was nothing more than the pad and a small control tower. Two marines exited the building and greeted the squad. Adrian spoke with the two marines. He then told Jan to pilot the Pelican. They attached the warthog to the pelican and stored the mongoose inside the bird. The two marines sat near the hatch. They told Jan to leave it open. Autumn had a few hours of pelican flight experience, she served as the co-pilot. Jan asked for a destination, the corporal indicated that they had to go to a survivor’s camp. Apparently the civilians had been evacuated. They traveled above the beautiful and lush jungle. It had a lot of waterfalls and fairy tall trees. A few minutes later they arrived at the camp. Many civilians were resting there. The camp was next to a waterfall. It had many defenses such as a couple of turrets and scorpion tanks. There was even a grizzly tank in the middle of the camp. There was still space for even more. The ground was flat and the trees were surrounding the base. The pelican landed on an improvised pelican landing pad.

    Captain Warren spoke with the marines and then addressed himself to Adrian. He explained the situation. Most of the civilians were able to evacuate Lévis IV but the mayor of the city and a couple of other important civilians had to stay behind. It was crucial for them to live. After a couple of hour of rest, the squad had orders to go to the city and evacuate them. It was almost late seven, local time. The pelican reached the city really fast. It was a small city. Small but it had a lot of skyscrapers. Many of them were on fire and there was a lot of smoke. It forced the pelican to fly low. They landed on top of the police station's landing pad. There were a lot of sparrowhawks and banshees crashed all over the place. The tall buildings had been bombarding by crashing aircrafts. There were also many human and covenant corpses... but no sign of active covenant forces. Never the less, it wasn't perfectly safe and it could be a trap. The hard part began.

    The squad split up, Jan and Jacob operated in a moving flying sniper tactic. The rest of the squad operated on foot. Jan was most capable of piloting the pelican in that scenario herself. She slowly moved backwards, the anvil missiles could repel a limited amount of covenant armour while Jacob used his gauss sniper against infantry. A lance of grunts advanced towards the ground squad. Jacob quickly took them out, a single grunt was able to escape. And He knew what that meant: Bad news for the ground squad. They had to hurry up reaching the city hall. In front of the city hall there were a couple of grunts leads by an elite. The pelican had to defend the city hall while the ground squad fought there way past the grunts to rescue the civilians.

    The bad news had arrived at the city hall, a wraith, a lot of grunts and a locust. The pelican launched the missiles against the locust and wraith. The ground vehicles didn't stand a chance. Jan turned the pelican around and Jacob began taking down the grunts. Suddenly five banshees rushed into action. The pelican accelerated trying to evade the banshees’ attacks. The pilot maneuvered past the buildings flying high and low. And then she hit a dead end for the pelican. The buildings were too close to each other to let the pelican pass, they were also really tall. But she used that to her advantage. She turned the bird around facing the spot were the banshees would come. She didn't wait too long. The banshees appeared and she launched a volley of missiles. Two banshees got hit by the volley, the rest of them dodged them but with no were to fly they crashed into the buildings. Jeremy contacted the pelican, they needed support, and there were a lot of grunts rushing towards the city hall. The pelican arrived there launching another volley of missiles finishing the stragglers with the sniper. The squad escorted the wounded mayor and a couple of civilians back to the police HQ. The covenant was right on their tail, Jacob doing his best to protect them. At the HQ the dropship landed and waited a few seconds for the package. Grunts were swarming the building and trying to kill the humans. The civilians got on the pelican as the squad halted the grunts advance. They set up some explosives and got on the bird. Jan accelerated at a high speed now aided by autumn. A few seconds later the police HQ's roof exploded sending grunts flying in all directions. The hybrid pilot/medic put the pelican on auto-pilot while treating the mayor's wounds.

     A few minutes later they reached the base. The mission had taken two long hours before total package delivery. The marine Captain Warren had done a lot more with the base now. It was more fortified than ever. He exchanged a few words before congratulating the squad's leader. But there was one last task before they could call it a day. An elephant had been localized and needed repairs. The squad could rest an hour before taking on the next mission. Jacob told Jan how impressive that pelican against banshee tactic was. There were things she wanted to tell Jacob and the others, but it wasn't the time for that now. They needed all the energy they could get.

    CHAPTER 3:

    The Mamoth And The Bug

    Jan got back to the pilot seat of the pelican, Autumn shortly followed her. The crew was ready to rescue the elephant. The bird took a quarter of an hour getting the elephant's last known position. The sky was dark and the tall trees made it hard to see. In the middle of the jungle there was a big desert plateau. The pelican rose up to the level of the plateau and they could see a distant elephant and what appeared to be a wraith shooting strangely beautiful but deadly plasma. Suddenly two gauss warthogs appeared out of the distance and rushed for the wraith. The two warthogs unleashed their power into the wraith causing it to explode. The bird approached the elephant and landed. The warthogs came closely. A man in ODST armour got out of the back of the elephant. He identified himself as lieutenant Howaski. Jan got out of the pelican to catch on the conversation between Adrian and the lieutenant. The officer told them that they had been chased by the covenant for a long time. They initially had four gauss warthogs one scorpion and the elephant. The covenant had given them a time they wouldn't forget. Their conversation got interrupted as the covenant starship entered the atmosphere. It flew right over the plateau and was headed for the distant cold mountains. The survivors also got their attention stolen elsewhere. The ship had dropped a scarab on the plateau. With little time to waste the convoy rushed to get to the jungle.

    The scarab was closing and tried to shoot the vehicles, it was out of range but it wasn't going to be for long. The elephant crushed the flora that was blocking its path. Jan radioed-in the base for help. The scarab razed down the trees near the convoy trying to destroy it. There was a shallow river ahead and a lot of dead trees from a previous engagement. The scarab soon cached up to them, reading to fire its main weapon. Suddenly two vultures fired a barrage of missiles on it. The scarab shook and tried to stabilize itself. The elephant drove under the scarab and moved the crane to the scarab's left front leg. There was a marine on the crane attaching what appeared to be c-12 on the scarab's leg. The elephant rolled as fast as it could out of the place. A few seconds later a huge explosion rocked the jungle bringing the scarab down. The scarab was blown into pieces by the huge force of C-12. The marines returned to the base. Adrian asked Howaski if he had an extra supply of C-12. Howaski replied, unless we encounter more scarabs, I think you can have the two damage packs left. The captain came to them and after hearing the tale, congratulated them. It was not every day when an elephant drove under a scarab to deploy some C-12 on it. The base had rumbled when it blew up. The squad finally had time to sleep. Tomorrow they had some free time, free time to customize the pelican

    Chapter 4:

    The Frozen Storage

    It was around ten in the morning. The squad was up and boosting their morale by adding ice spike decals on the pelican. Jan came forward to Adrian and spoke with him. She wanted to know why would the covenant attack this remote colony with only a small force, and then send reinforcements. Adrian wasn't sure but Jan told him he was in the special operations and she was usually the one who had the wealth of information and judging by the past events, the covenant must have been looking for something. If she was right then what they were looking for was in the mountains. The covenant launched a small force to find the location of what they were looking for and then, since the planet was human occupied, they launched a bigger force. The ship was above the mountains, a hostile location to land their troops, and there was the answer.

    Adrian thought about it and it made sense, a few minutes passed he told the captain of the theory. It was clear for him, it was vital for them to stop the covenant. Captain Warren gave the squad extra ammo and attached gave them a gauss warthog. A mongoose was loaded inside the troop bay and another squad of marines was going to help them. Delta squad, as they designated themselves consisted of five marines. The squad could call for backup if needed. At eleven, the pelican departed from the base and headed towards the mountain.

    The ship was getting bigger as they approached it. Jan’s heart was beating slow, like the calm before the storm. They were flying low trying to keep a low profile. Detection could mean the end of the mission. The air outside was cold. The heavy and blueish snow gave the mountains a very magical look. Jan landed near a cave in a valley-like passage formed by the mountains. The pelican’s hatch opened and the marines went outside. The warthog dropped the mongoose too. It was time to find out what the covenant were doing on this planet.

    The caravan rolled and walked, occasionally seeing a couple of spirits flying high above.  After a few minutes of advancing into the deep valley, an explosion rocked the sky.  A spirit drop ship crashed in front of them. A series of explosions followed on the mountains.  The group augmented their pace. The blizzard became stronger and stronger. And then there was a light. Brute and elite bodies laid on the ground, dead.  A couple of other bodies too. There were seven ghosts laying around. The marines who weren’t on the mongoose or warthog got on the ghosts. They knew they were close to something important. They kept advancing, encountering occasional bodies. And then, there was a giant door, a forerunner installation. A couple of shades were unguarded.  Close quarter specialists came in first, quickly followed by the others. What they saw next was horror:  Civilian corpses where all over the place, brute and elites too.  All of them were dead. Everyone was shocked. Blood everywhere, there has been a slaughter.  Adrian whispered to himself, what happened here? Suddenly a war cry was heard and an elite lit up his energy sword, rushing at them. He slashed a marine’s assault rifle. Jordan quickly came over, shot the elite with his shotgun, only taking a portion of his shields and then dodged as the elite slashed again. The marines opened fire. In a fraction of seconds the elite was down. The weaponless marine, took the elite’s plasma rifle. Jordan took the energy sword, keeping it safe in case they might need it. They kept going forward, deeper.  They encountered grunt resistance and some occasional elites and brutes. It seemed like they didn’t like each other. Then, they encountered a big group of brutes trying to get past a door. They hid behind some covenant crates and prepared their explosives. Rockets flew in the brute’s direction and a volley of grenades. It didn’t take long for the brutes to die. Jordan told the others to be quiet. He took the energy sword and lit it. He impaled it on the door. A couple of elites where heard in the other room. The door flashed green and Jordan stepped back. An elite dual-wielding plasma rifles stood came out. Jordan quickly impaled him. The other elite was surprised, the shock cost him precious time to react. The squad’s leader slashed the elite in two. Jeremy threw a grenade into the room and after it’s detonation, they all proceed inside. It was a medium sized room, with windows on the opposite side of the door. Glowing panels where everywhere. Jordan and his team approached the window. A massive ship was what was beyond the window. It wasn’t covenant, nor human. It was something they had never seen before in their lives. Jan said, that’s what the covenant must have been looking for. The ship was laying on a massive elevator platform.  Jordan told the squad that they needed to go back to the pelican and call for the shining star. They needed some nukes.  The additional marines came out of the room first. A volley of fire struck them. Elite reinforcements had arrived.  The marines ran to the exit back to the vehicles. The additional marines fell in combat on the way out. The squad mounted up the warthog, mongoose and ghost. They proceeded to race back to the pelican. Jan got in the ghost, it was the fastest vehicle. Suddenly a couple of banshees came out from the clouds and started attacking, The vehicles where splattering everything that got on their way, grunts in particular. The warthog’s turret was shooting the banshees. Trying to get a shot, the moving warthog made it hard to aim. Jan reached the pelican first. Fired up the engines and called Warren for the frigate. Half a minute later the rest of the squad reached the pelican.

    It lifted and headed up. After a few minutes of evading banshee fire and shooting back, the covenant frigate appeared and headed towards Warren’s base.  Tons of spirits deployed from the ship and even scarabs.  From Jan’s altitude you could see a lot of things, the mountain, the sky and warren’s base. But a dot came from the beyond. It became bigger and bigger. The UNSC frigate was arriving. But it was heading for the covenant frigate. Pelicans and longswords came with the frigate. There was a brief dogfight. The ships where getting closer and the covenant shot the shining star’s engines. The ship was heading above the covenant frigate. Without it’s engines they were going on a collision course.  A huge light came from the base of the mountains and a massive ship came from underground. It was below both of the ships. The covenant was getting control of the forerunner ship. Time was short and the battle was chaotic. And then, a giant explosion rocked the sky. The two ships collided, exploding and sending debris everywhere. Parts of the forests began to burn and trails of smoke elevated. Warren’s men where plowing through the forest, heading for the forerunner ship.  So many things where happening at the same time…  It was chaos.

    Chapter 5

    The Turning And The Light

    Two banshees were pursuing the pelican. Adrian told Jan to head towards the covenant frigate. Jacob asked why and Adrian replied he had a plan. Of course, it was a suicidal plan. Half a minute later, Jan asked what now? Adrian told him to land the pelican inside the hangar. A hundred meters, fifty, twenty and then ten remaining. The pelican entered the poorly defended hangar. Crushing some grunts and jackals. Jordan and Jacob exited and shot the remaining grunts and jackals.

    After securing the hangar, they proceeded into corridor and encountered light resistance. But soon the resistance was getting heavier and heavier. Soon after, they encountered a dead end. Covenant forces were approaching. Autumn took a plasma grenade, lit it and threw it at the door. The explosion of the grenade caused an EMP wave that overided the door and opened it. Then a massive, white coloured elite wielding a glowing blade appeared. The squad shot him, but the bullets did little to his shields. Then Jan rolled over for a plasma pistol, over charged it and shot the elites. His shields flickered, and then faded. Jeremy then used that opportunity and shot the elite in the head. The squad then ran as more covenant forces were appearing. Then two elites exited a room. Jan used the same technique to bring the elites' shields down. The squad finished them and then they proceeded to enter the room. Two grunts with fuel rods and five elites were guarding a room with an elevated platform with panels at the center, the control room. Four of the elites wore red armour and one of them was donned in a golden armour. Autumn shot both grunts and took a fuel rod. She then blasted the four elites away. The golden one then rushed for Autumn. Jan ran towards the elite in an attempt to save Autumn. She held a silver hilt, and then pushed it into the elite's stomach. It lit and glowed in a blue light. The elite stood still, then fell to the ground. Warren then contacted Adrian. Telling him the situation: They had halted the covenant momentarily in their attempt to get the forerunner ship. This one was also falling apart. He then told him that a group of ONI officers was heading towards the frigate and that they had new orders. To defend the control room until they arrived.

    A few minutes later, the ONI officers entered the control room. The squad saluted and one of the officers called for Jan. She came forward and the officer told her: Because of your past classified operations and the current events, you are being repromoted back to Petty officer first class. And you are now being tasked to evacuate and transport Doctor Jeanne C. Dubé and professor Télesphore J. Dubé located in an underground facility under Lévis IV to the frigate.

    Jan acknowledged her order and told the squad to follow her. The squad was very confused as she was from the Navy and not the Marines. Jan realized that she had been tasked in evacuating them all of this time. She knew she had to hurry because, not only the covenant was a present threat, but by the fact that they would need to evacuate all the remaining survivors into the frigate. She then hurried to the hangar. In the corridors, there was increasing marine activity. The UNSC was taking control of the ship. At the hangar, she noticed that the pelican she crashed as no longer there. The cause of this was soon revealed. A group of cyclopses were wandering around cleaning up and preparing the hangar for the evacuation. A near pristine pelican was docked in the hangar. A marine greeted her and told them it was their ride. The squad and Jan entered the pelican and then got out of the hangar. She flew towards Lévi IV, but this time, she was being escorted by a pair of hornets. Jan descended upon the city with grace. She received the coordinates. The Petty officer landed the pelican on top of a tall building. It was an ONI building. The hornets landed too, they transported marines. Those stayed on the roof to make sure they would not have the pelican blown up. The squad then entered the building and proceeded into an elevator. It slowly moved down...

     

     

    Chapter 6

    Pricy Rescue

    The squad got out of the elevator. Jan took a look around, nothing but a mess. The lower reception hall was badly lit, corpses littered the ground. The squad turned on their flashlights, they rushed for the corridor. After two minutes of searching rooms, they saw a running jackal. They quickly followed him. After reaching a giant door, it turned around, and jumped on Jordan. He punched the jackal in the face, took his knife and stabbed him in the neck. Jan rushed for the door’s control panel. She pushed a button and it opened. A dead marine fell, then a voice announced, you found us! Doctor Jeanne and professor Télesphore announced their presence. After telling them that the covenant were looking for them and had overrun the building and that they had to hide, they all rushed for the exit. A long the way, they encountered a two more jackals. Jordan jumped on the jackal and stabbed him while Jeremy hit the jackal on the head with the butt of his weapon. They got on the elevator.

    A badly damaged spirit flew off the roof, it had dropped several grunts and two elites. One of the hornets was destroyed. Jan told the squad and the package to get on the pelican. Jacob picked up the grunts one by one, giving enough time for the hornet pilots to get on the hornet. Both aircraft flew off the roof. But a few moments later, two banshees were on to them. They were on the city’s outskirts. The hornet caught fire on it’s engine, the pilot flew down as much as he could until the engine dropped dead and crashed. As for the pelican, it got hit on the tail, then on the engines. It was spinning out of control. Jan managed to crash land the pelican on a muddy terrain. Luckily they only had minor injuries and bruisers from the crash. They got out, the pelican was on fire, smoke was everywhere.  A few meters ahead, one of the hornet pilots was crawling out when an elite picked him up and stabbed him with his energy sword. He then saw the pelican and rushed for it. Jeremy scrambled for weapons, he found the energy sword. He then ran on to the elite. He activated the sword, clashed with the elite and then elite slashed Jeremy’s hand. He screamed in pain. The sangheili then decapitated Jeremy. The squad opened fire killing the elite a few moments later. JEREMY!  Jordan screamed. Jan told them they had little time. She told them she saw a couple of vehicles near a gas station two hundred meters from the crash site.

    They went into the city. They killed wandering grunts. They reached a gas station, took two civilian vehicles. They fled the city, heading towards the mountains. Half an hour later, they were on a heavily burned part of the jungle. A lot of UNSC and covenant debris were littered everywhere. The sun was almost down, it was an apocalyptic looking scene. The jungle fires were heading east, ravaging more of the trees.  There was an elephant a few hundred meters ahead. They drove to it. After getting out of the vehicles, they entered the elephant, no one alive. They used the onboard communication equipment to contact the captured ship. A captured phantom dropship was going to pick them up three kilometers away. After cutting the communication, the ship started glassing the mountain, trying to destroy whatever was in there before the covenant could make anything out of it. One transport warthog and a Gauss warthog were resting a few meters away from them. They decided to ditch the civilian vehicles but taking whatever they could take from the elephant first. A banshee flew high above, Autumn was manning the turret, she opened fire on the banshee. It exploded and crashed. Jan was driving the gauss warthog. She tried picking up a comm channel from the captured phantom. After a few tries, the troops responded. Warning them there was a covenant scouting party that discovered them and more covenant were incoming from the city.

    A few minutes later they reached the phantom, it was in the jungle. They got out of the warthogs and approached the phantom. Then, an explosion rocked the scene. The transport warthog exploded, Adrian turned around, spotted a grunt with a fuel rod, then shot him. Shrapnel from the explosion hit Jordan’s right leg, causing him to not be able to walk properly.  He screamed in pain. More covenant troops arrived, firing their plasma pistols from all directions. Two marines got hit, their armour evaporated and then it scorched their flesh. They screamed and then, died. Autumn threw some flashbang grenades. They  rushed for the gravity lift, entered the phantom. The sides were open, marines rushed for the turrets. One marine got hit in the head, blood splattered on the ceiling, the dead marine then dropped and rolled out of the phantom.  The sides closed, the phantom then flew off. A spirit followed them, it was covenant. Three banshees were also pursuing them. The phantom reached the captured ship, it was under it. After constant fire, the phantom’s engines started to fail. The pilot screamed, we are going to crash! Jan then came to the cockpit, and told the ship’s command to activate the gravity lift. The phantom then headed for the gravity lift. The engines finally dropped dead. The banshee fired their fuel rods on the phantom. The humans inside the phantom got out using a side door.  They were floating in mid air. The phantom then dropped out of range of the gravity lift and exploded. A couple of hornets then picked off the banshees, then fired on the spirit. The dropship opened it’s panels and grunts came out of them, floating, going up. The spirit then exploded. The marines and the squad opened fire on the grunts. It was like a zero gravity fight. Jordan got hit in the chest and then in the face by a plasma pistol. He died on instant, four more grunts died. Another marine got hit. The three remaining grunts died. After a few seconds, they were finally inside.


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  •  08-12-2009, 1:22 AM 691127 in reply to 691126

    Re: The tale of the moon jungle

    _RESERVED_

     


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  •  08-12-2009, 1:23 AM 691129 in reply to 691127

    Re: The tale of the moon jungle

    _RESERVED_

    SIDE NOTE: This is my first Fan Fiction I post on halo wars. CONSTRUCTIVE advice is welcomed.


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  •  08-12-2009, 12:42 PM 691523 in reply to 691129

    Re: The tale of the moon jungle

    Make it MUCH longer, and use correct grammar. And, you might want to describe the environment, time and place more. And stick to the perspective of one character.
    Tank > Banshee
  •  08-12-2009, 4:52 PM 691799 in reply to 691523

    Re: The tale of the moon jungle

    hey i like
    American railroads.....killing hobos scince 1826
  •  08-12-2009, 4:58 PM 691807 in reply to 691799

    Re: The tale of the moon jungle

    Good plz continue guys stop giving him crap about the grammer if you can still read it, it is fine


    I can kill you in 10 ways right now.
  •  08-12-2009, 5:23 PM 691833 in reply to 691807

    Re: The tale of the moon jungle

    you need to check your grammar, things like 'gather every supplies', also imo it seemed a bit jumpy at times moving from fact to fact almost, still a good story and i like it just a few tweaks needed
  •  08-12-2009, 9:46 PM 692177 in reply to 691833

    Re: The tale of the moon jungle

    I started writing it at around 12:50 and finished at around 2:00 am. I knew I would make a lot of grammatical errors, first halo fan fiction ever. Thanks for the constructive feedback.

    Edit: Oh and also I'm going to stick to the perspective of one character [as I planned] later on. I just wanted to show the squad a little bit.


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  •  08-15-2009, 10:30 AM 695276 in reply to 692177

    Re: The tale of the moon jungle

    mkay. Just making sure.

     

    @ the guy that said I was a douche: I'm just providing constructive criticism. 


    Tank > Banshee
  •  08-15-2009, 9:59 PM 696161 in reply to 691807

    Re: The tale of the moon jungle

    BlackhawkODST:

    Good plz continue guys stop giving him crap about the grammer if you can still read it, it is fine

    Grammar is a very important part. You can read it but you might not be able to understand it completely or see his view on the situation he writes, grammar is the very basic behind the portrayal of ideas.


    "Die?"Kurt laughed."Didn't you know?"he told the Elite. "...Spartans never die."
  •  08-16-2009, 12:27 AM 696312 in reply to 696161

    Re: The tale of the moon jungle

    tmspartan:
    BlackhawkODST:

    Good plz continue guys stop giving him crap about the grammer if you can still read it, it is fine

    Grammar is a very important part. You can read it but you might not be able to understand it completely or see his view on the situation he writes, grammar is the very basic behind the portrayal of ideas.

    As I said before it was really late when I wrote it.

    CHAPTER 2 is up!

    I centered it a bit more on a character and I'm still working on showing the character's personalities. I hope you like it!

    Notes: I corrected some stuff. Tell me if you find any gramatical errors in either of the two chapters.

    Edit: Remmember guys, this is my first halo fan fiction and I don't usually write in french, not in english.

    Virtual cookie to whoever finds a "Quebec colonized the moon jungle" clue.


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  •  08-22-2009, 1:01 AM 702985 in reply to 696312

    Re: The tale of the moon jungle

    CHAPTER 3 IS UP!

    It is a short one but the next one will be longer. There is are some important details in that chapter that will be crucial to the next ones.

    Iv'e discovered that it is extreamly fun to write fan fiction but it's a bit disapointing when not many people give you feed back and read them.


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  •  10-03-2009, 1:15 AM 739914 in reply to 702985

    Re: The tale of the moon jungle

    CHAPTER 4 IS UP!

    Well I don't think a lot of people are going to keep reading but... I like writing this.

    Edit: for some reason chapter 4 got posted twice and I can't fix it.


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  •  10-04-2009, 11:43 PM 740940 in reply to 691807

    Re: The tale of the moon jungle

    Sorry, it's late, but I'm liking Ch. 2 so far... *yawn/burp*
    Tank > Banshee
  •  10-05-2009, 10:26 AM 741086 in reply to 740940

    Re: The tale of the moon jungle

    I was going to point out the two Chapter 4's, but apparently you already noticed.

    The only thing that I would suggest is going back into Chapter 1 and re-introducing the characters. Give them some dialogue that gives us an insight into their personal character. I would also diversify the ranks. This helped be immensly [http://halo.wikia.com/wiki/UNSC_Ranks]. What I mean is this; you've got a Lance Corporal (who's not that high up, really) commanding a squad. I would elevate him to at least Captain or Major, this makes them seem much more authoritative. Now, you've got an O-3 or an O-4, rather than an E-3. Even still, he's got an entire squad of new-jacks. That would be very annoying, especially since he has no "second-in-command." For that I would suggest having the Lance Corporal as a SIC.

    That's all I've got for now, I'll read the rest after classes.


    Current Fan Fictions in the Library:

    ODST: Hellbound

    The Interrogation of Ellen Anders

    Halo: Archangel
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