covanent aftermath

Last post 06-24-2009, 6:03 PM by tmspartan. 51 replies.
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  •  06-23-2009, 11:22 AM 631148

    covanent aftermath

       rewrite of chapter one provided by Mr.Sticky

    The brute shipmaster stared blankley into the monitor. Twenty elite ships floated above the earth's atmosphere. The brute fleet was destroyed. His ship was left behind to watch over earth, while the others went to the arch to commense the Great Journey. He was devestated when none came back. A grunt walked up by the side of the shipmaster.

    "Why didn't we attack the humans?" the grunt asked, "They left their planet defenseless. They sent the demon away, but we just sat here and did nothing."

    "It was what the prophet commanded us to," The shipmaster replied, not moving his eyes from the monitor, "We were to wait till the elites were destroyed, then we could destroy the planet and leave on the Great Journey. His plans have clearly failed."

    "He led us to his own destruc..." the grunt began, but was cut off by the ship's sirens, "Oh no! Five elite bording vessels coming our way! It appears two of them are commanded by humans."

    "We can not let them board us!" the shipmaster yelled, as he changed the monitors view to show the left side of the ship, where there were indeed boarding craft, "Take them out before they reach us!"

    "We won't be able to charge our weapons in time. They are almost on us," the brute weapons officer said.

    "Send some brute squads over to where they are trying to get in! NOW!" the ship master yelled.

    "Ai ai sir!" one of the doorguards said before running off in the direction of the barracks.

    "How much more time before they..." the shipmaster shouted, but then five loud booms gave him his answer. He changed the monitor to show a hallway inside the ship. About ten brutes were lined up in front of a piece of wall that a doorway was being cut into from the outside. The door was blown into the hallway and a handful of marines poured through the opening. The brutes rained fire on them but soon realized that the humans had energy shields. The marines soon over powered the brutes and ran out of the cammera view.

    "There are too many!" shouted a voice to through the com system, "Fall back to the...  AHHHH!!!" The voice faided to sounds of gunfire.

    "Sir, they are making their way towards the bridge! They will be here in less than two minutes!" A brute in the control room said.

    "All crew members to evac pods!" shouted the brute shipmaster, "Ready my phantom and bring out the seraph fighters to give us cover! Abondon ship!"

    _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

    CHAPTER 2 PROVIDED BY MR STICKY

         Captain Johnson watched as the five bordering ships made contact with the brute cruiser from aboard the UNSC stealth ship, Ranger. It floated right above the brute ship, completely invisible from scanners. They had been tracking it for a while now, and they had just received orders to eliminate it. All of the remainder of the covenant had to be destroyed, and he was one of the men assigned to do it. The new alliance with the elites was a large benefit to the marines. All soldiers were outfitted with elite shield generation technology.

            The joint marine and elite force wouldn't have much trouble taking over the ship. Scans showed that there was only a few brutes left aboard. In a few minutes, Sergeant Matthew called in saying that the ship was cleared out. Johnson was a little confused. The job would be an easy one, but he had never thought it could go by that fast. Then he say the reason. Three phantoms flew out of the docking bay with five seraphs. Captain Johnson flipped on the com system. "Sergeant Matthew, return to ship," Johnson said, "The brutes got away on a few phantoms. We're going to take them out."

            "Ai ai sir," Sergeant Matthew replied, "We'll be there in a few moments."

            Captain Johnson turned off the com system. "Kevin," he said to the ship, A.I. "Don't loose track of these guys. I don't want them to get away."

            "Yes sir," said a voice from the speakers on the holo-pad. An image of a dark haired man appeared in front of Captaion Jonson. "Setting an interseption course now," Kevin said, "Shall we wait for Sergeant Matthew to come back?"

            "Yes," Johnson replied. As he watched a pelican fly out of the Ranger towards the Brute cruiser's docking bay to retreive the remaining troops, he wondered what would happen now that the war was over. The military had been beaten brutally by the Covenant, but now they had finally won. It was just a matter of mopping up now. Maybe they would let him retire from the military early, go back to normal life. He would definately enjoy settling down after so many years of fighting.

            When all the troops had been retured to the Ranger, Kevin loaded the interseption coarse into the nav computer and the ship took off in the direction of the escape group.

    _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

    CHAPTER 3 PROVIDED BY TMSPARTEN

    The scent of singed flesh filled the air as the last pack of Jiralhanae was erased from the Cruiser.

    "The job is done Arbiter", Vurok' Warrinee spoke into the Communication link. He pulled his blood drenched Energy Sword out of the chest of the ship's Chieftain. "These damned primates put up a fight, but as the honorless creatures they are, they attempted to flee and we killed them."

    "Good Job Vurok, now return to your ships to the remainder of the fleet there is still much to be done.", the concise response came.

    Vurok moved away from the dead bodies, blood stained the walls, the Zealots that assisted him were standing at the end of the hall that they chased the Jiralhanae down. Vurok walked towards the group and they bowed their heads in reverence of his fierce spirit. While he walked through the group he heard many remarks such as, "You are strong as you are fierce, Fleetmaster.", or "We will always stand beside you in battle."

    Vurok deactivated his Energy Sword and stepped through the doorway into the Bridge, searching for any survivors. His Communication link crackled to life and Vurok heard the vice of one of his Shipmasters. "Fleetmaster you must get off of that ship immediately!", the Shipmaster sounded very distressed.

    "What is wrong?", Vurok asked curios to the disturbance of a usually brave Sangheili.

    "There are hundreds of ships, they are not our allies, it's the Second Fleet of Homogenous Clarity!", the Shipmaster shouted.

    Vurok suddenly became weak, the Brutes had control of the strongest fleet in the Covenant navy, and it was here. Vurok shook off the sudden fatigue and addressed his Zealots, "Everyone to the Boarding Vessel, n--", Vurok was cut off by a tremor in the ship, it was so strong that Vurok and the other Sangheili fell. "Move!"

    Many tremors rattled the ship as they ran back to their Boarding vessel, the overal heat of the ship rapidly increased as the ships fired on their location. Explosions echoed through the halls and pieces of the ceiling fell down at the Sangheili strike team. Vurok and his team reached the vessel and the Sangheili jumped inside without hesitation. Vurok slammed on the release console and the vessel blasted off of the cruiser. A blinding light broke into their view as they watched the Cruiser they were once on, erupt into a bright blue inferno.

    The vessel automatically set course for Vurok's Capital ship Absolute Clarity, Vurok sighed because he knew how close they had been. Vurok's Comm array crackled to life once more, and it was Thel this time. "Vurok we are moving out fleet towards you, we must not allow the Jiralhanae to survive."


    American railroads.....killing hobos scince 1826
  •  06-23-2009, 11:28 AM 631152 in reply to 631148

    Re: covanent aftermath

    shepdog:

    chapter 1

    a week after the war

    "we were right there". squealed the grunt ."why did we not atack?"

    "because the profet told us to hold here and atack after there defeat only"said the shipmaster "but we all see were his plans go"

    "yeah right to...wait...borders imbound...elites and marines... the humans have elite sheilds on" yelled the grunts in teror

    "what they can't be on my ships" screamed the shipmaster

    "well there not yet but they will be soon"said the brute captain"i'll take my brutes and defend your ship"

    "sir someone needs to let the hunters out of the brige"said the cheiftain

    (crash boom bang)"that was there bording craft"yelled the grunt 

    *there to strong sir*comm chatter *fall back* those are weird helmets*

    "all crew to the evac pods" yelled the shipmaster "were's my phantom"

     end of chapter 1       

     pm me with sugestoins   

     

    lot of problems. Spelling, capitalization, commas... plus it's relatively short.
    Tank > Banshee
  •  06-23-2009, 11:31 AM 631155 in reply to 631152

    Re: covanent aftermath

    Nocbl2:
    shepdog:

    chapter 1

    a week after the war

    "we were right there". squealed the grunt ."why did we not atack?"

    "because the profet told us to hold here and atack after there defeat only"said the shipmaster "but we all see were his plans go"

    "yeah right to...wait...borders imbound...elites and marines... the humans have elite sheilds on" yelled the grunts in teror

    "what they can't be on my ships" screamed the shipmaster

    "well there not yet but they will be soon"said the brute captain"i'll take my brutes and defend your ship"

    "sir someone needs to let the hunters out of the brige"said the cheiftain

    (crash boom bang)"that was there bording craft"yelled the grunt 

    *there to strong sir*comm chatter *fall back* those are weird helmets*

    "all crew to the evac pods" yelled the shipmaster "were's my phantom"

     end of chapter 1       

     pm me with sugestoins   

     

    lot of problems. Spelling, capitalization, commas... plus it's relatively short.
    Exactly, you have no capitalization what so ever. The spelling was off by a mile especially on were's, it's where's. The periods and commas were screwed up. Basically what Nocbl said just more detailed


    When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend

    Gamertag= xxMrGrenadexx

    New story- The Resistance
    http://www.halowars.com/forums/thread/627177.aspx
  •  06-23-2009, 11:31 AM 631158 in reply to 631152

    Re: covanent aftermath

    that's okay you write the next chapter
    American railroads.....killing hobos scince 1826
  •  06-23-2009, 11:33 AM 631160 in reply to 631155

    Re: covanent aftermath

    Mr Grenade:
    Nocbl2:
    shepdog:

    chapter 1

    a week after the war

    "we were right there". squealed the grunt ."why did we not atack?"

    "because the profet told us to hold here and atack after there defeat only"said the shipmaster "but we all see were his plans go"

    "yeah right to...wait...borders imbound...elites and marines... the humans have elite sheilds on" yelled the grunts in teror

    "what they can't be on my ships" screamed the shipmaster

    "well there not yet but they will be soon"said the brute captain"i'll take my brutes and defend your ship"

    "sir someone needs to let the hunters out of the brige"said the cheiftain

    (crash boom bang)"that was there bording craft"yelled the grunt 

    *there to strong sir*comm chatter *fall back* those are weird helmets*

    "all crew to the evac pods" yelled the shipmaster "were's my phantom"

     end of chapter 1       

     pm me with sugestoins   

     

    lot of problems. Spelling, capitalization, commas... plus it's relatively short.
    Exactly, you have no capitalization what so ever. The spelling was off by a mile especially on were's, it's where's. The periods and commas were screwed up. Basically what Nocbl said just more detailed

    Okay, shepdog, I just don't think writing is your thing... If you continue and make it better, more character development, etc, etc, you could be on the right track. I made... four FFs before finally hitting it with AE and Origins.
    Tank > Banshee
  •  06-23-2009, 11:33 AM 631161 in reply to 631158

    Re: covanent aftermath

    If you're talking to us and being sarcastic, we were just trying to help

    When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend

    Gamertag= xxMrGrenadexx

    New story- The Resistance
    http://www.halowars.com/forums/thread/627177.aspx
  •  06-23-2009, 11:33 AM 631162 in reply to 631158

    Re: covanent aftermath

    shepdog:that's okay you write the next chapter
    Wait... oh! an interactive story... cool.
    Tank > Banshee
  •  06-23-2009, 11:34 AM 631163 in reply to 631155

    Re: covanent aftermath

    Mr Grenade:
    Nocbl2:
    shepdog:

    chapter 1

    a week after the war

    "we were right there". squealed the grunt ."why did we not atack?"

    "because the profet told us to hold here and atack after there defeat only"said the shipmaster "but we all see were his plans go"

    "yeah right to...wait...borders imbound...elites and marines... the humans have elite sheilds on" yelled the grunts in teror

    "what they can't be on my ships" screamed the shipmaster

    "well there not yet but they will be soon"said the brute captain"i'll take my brutes and defend your ship"

    "sir someone needs to let the hunters out of the brige"said the cheiftain

    (crash boom bang)"that was there bording craft"yelled the grunt 

    *there to strong sir*comm chatter *fall back* those are weird helmets*

    "all crew to the evac pods" yelled the shipmaster "were's my phantom"

     end of chapter 1       

     pm me with sugestoins   

     

    lot of problems. Spelling, capitalization, commas... plus it's relatively short.
    Exactly, you have no capitalization what so ever. The spelling was off by a mile especially on were's, it's where's. The periods and commas were screwed up. Basically what Nocbl said just more detailed

    you write the chapter after Nocbl2
    American railroads.....killing hobos scince 1826
  •  06-23-2009, 11:35 AM 631165 in reply to 631162

    Re: covanent aftermath

    Nocbl2:
    shepdog:that's okay you write the next chapter
    Wait... oh! an interactive story... cool.
    yes you finaly get it
    American railroads.....killing hobos scince 1826
  •  06-23-2009, 11:35 AM 631166 in reply to 631163

    Re: covanent aftermath

    shepdog:
    Mr Grenade:
    Nocbl2:
    shepdog:

    chapter 1

    a week after the war

    "we were right there". squealed the grunt ."why did we not atack?"

    "because the profet told us to hold here and atack after there defeat only"said the shipmaster "but we all see were his plans go"

    "yeah right to...wait...borders imbound...elites and marines... the humans have elite sheilds on" yelled the grunts in teror

    "what they can't be on my ships" screamed the shipmaster

    "well there not yet but they will be soon"said the brute captain"i'll take my brutes and defend your ship"

    "sir someone needs to let the hunters out of the brige"said the cheiftain

    (crash boom bang)"that was there bording craft"yelled the grunt 

    *there to strong sir*comm chatter *fall back* those are weird helmets*

    "all crew to the evac pods" yelled the shipmaster "were's my phantom"

     end of chapter 1       

     pm me with sugestoins   

     

    lot of problems. Spelling, capitalization, commas... plus it's relatively short.
    Exactly, you have no capitalization what so ever. The spelling was off by a mile especially on were's, it's where's. The periods and commas were screwed up. Basically what Nocbl said just more detailed

    you write the chapter after Nocbl2
    i didn't want to be a part of this shepdog but thanks anyway

    When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend

    Gamertag= xxMrGrenadexx

    New story- The Resistance
    http://www.halowars.com/forums/thread/627177.aspx
  •  06-23-2009, 11:36 AM 631169 in reply to 631166

    Re: covanent aftermath

    Mr Grenade:
    shepdog:
    Mr Grenade:
    Nocbl2:
    shepdog:

    chapter 1

    a week after the war

    "we were right there". squealed the grunt ."why did we not atack?"

    "because the profet told us to hold here and atack after there defeat only"said the shipmaster "but we all see were his plans go"

    "yeah right to...wait...borders imbound...elites and marines... the humans have elite sheilds on" yelled the grunts in teror

    "what they can't be on my ships" screamed the shipmaster

    "well there not yet but they will be soon"said the brute captain"i'll take my brutes and defend your ship"

    "sir someone needs to let the hunters out of the brige"said the cheiftain

    (crash boom bang)"that was there bording craft"yelled the grunt 

    *there to strong sir*comm chatter *fall back* those are weird helmets*

    "all crew to the evac pods" yelled the shipmaster "were's my phantom"

     end of chapter 1       

     pm me with sugestoins   

     

    lot of problems. Spelling, capitalization, commas... plus it's relatively short.
    Exactly, you have no capitalization what so ever. The spelling was off by a mile especially on were's, it's where's. The periods and commas were screwed up. Basically what Nocbl said just more detailed

    you write the chapter after Nocbl2
    i didn't want to be a part of this shepdog but thanks anyway
    that's perfectly fine
    American railroads.....killing hobos scince 1826
  •  06-23-2009, 11:38 AM 631172 in reply to 631169

    Re: covanent aftermath

    I want in this thing


    When life gives me lemons,
    I make beef stew.
    Gt: Mr Sticky100


    New FF: The Final War
    I would appreciate comments/critisism
  •  06-23-2009, 11:39 AM 631174 in reply to 631169

    Re: covanent aftermath

    *cough* bad *cough* version of *cough cough* the LFF *cough*.

     

  •  06-23-2009, 11:39 AM 631176 in reply to 631172

    Re: covanent aftermath

    you have gernades spot
    American railroads.....killing hobos scince 1826
  •  06-23-2009, 11:40 AM 631178 in reply to 631174

    Re: covanent aftermath

    Minime:

    *cough* bad *cough* version of *cough cough* the LFF *cough*.

     

    what the crap is a LFF
    American railroads.....killing hobos scince 1826
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