Keep in mind this is just a preview and i just want to see if anyone will like the beginning.

Operation: Overthrow: Chapter 1

The stars were blacked out from smoke as thick as storm clouds, the ash ridden air smelled of blood and fire. The heat off the burning rubble could be felt outside the crumbling city walls. I was part of a seven man squadron dedicated to releasing the covenants grip on New Mombassa. Operation Overthrow has been in effect since the Prophet blew the holy hell out of the city. Now the crumbling walls just provide a shelter for us during our struggle.

From inside a destroyed trolley I could hear phantoms flying through the wreckage searching for ant sign of human resistance. As the phantom made a final pass the demolitions expert, Boom, could be seen loading a rocket launcher. He was aiming for the phantom when the team medic, Stim, grabbed his shoulder. Boom put down the launcher and sat on a turret case. The team engineer, Ratchet, was in the corner repairing the teams radio. The team scout, Marx, was fixing his sniper rifle with Ratchets lucky screwdriver. The team captain, Blind-Eye, was counting how many rations and medipacs we had plus he was discreetly searching our bags. The team rookie, Greenhorn, was sleeping on a scorched bus seat and snoring slightly, he seemed to be clutching on to his assault rifle with a touch of fear; just another sign of how bad this war was getting. My name is Pint and I’m the co-captain of Rogue Squadron.

I woke up to the sound of rain bouncing off the metal roof, the constant tapping rhythm almost masked the sound of hoof beats. I jumped up to see Marx peaking through a window with a sniper rifle. I walked up beside him and heard his easy breathing. “Elites,” he said as he lined the sights up with a zealot strolling out of a burnt building. It only took one shot to the head and the zealot fell to the ground. The two other elites looked around and started shooting out the windows. One of the elites and a carbine while the other was supporting a fuel rod gun. One of the elites caught sight of us and alerted the other. The next second I was diving away from a volley of green lasers and a green blob of toxic goop. Boom came up and tossed a grenade through the window but the elites were able to maneuver away.

Stem Came up with a shotgun and depleted one of their shields, the angered elite pulled out an energy sword. In his newfound state of anger the elite jumped through the window and sliced Marx. Marx fell back and blood started gushing out his arm. The other elite jumped onto the sill of the window and started shooting into the trolley. Greenhorn shot a rocket the elite in the window and blew him back. The elite with the sword dove after Greenhorn and knocked him into the wall. Blind-Eye got up from his slumber and pulled a brute shot from a crack in the trolley floor. The volley of grenades quickly knocked the elite to the ground, the elite lost his sword. Blind-Eye walked up to the elite, suddenly the elite knocked Blind-Eye to the ground and wrestled its long fingers around his neck. Everyone opened fire on the elite who continued to strangle our captain. Marx ran up to the elite and stabbed through his armor with a combat knife just as the captain was turning blue. I got up and looked outside to find the other elite pointing a fuel rod gun right at me.

First post

Good deatale in the first few sentences but dont introduce you characters to quickly.

I got lost in the seconds paragraph.

Put more deatale into the 2nd and 3rd paragraph.

overall it was a 6/10