FF: Gravemakers and Gunslingers

Last post 10-06-2008, 5:38 PM by Yam Head. 22 replies.
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  •  09-28-2008, 1:06 PM 365216

    FF: Gravemakers and Gunslingers

    Gravemakers and Gunslingers

                     

                                 Prologue

           It was a rainy day, about 6:00 in the evening. The sky was  a bright pink blended with red as we passed over the destroyed ruins of the city, Dallur. The only noise was the low hum of of the Pelican’s thrusters.

    “How do you think Mackenzie is?”  Travis asked.

    “He should be ready to get back on his feet in about a 2 weeks.” Darren stated.

              Darren knew that was bold-faced lie. He didn’t have what it takes to tell his new recruit that Travis’s brother didn’t make it off  Drevar when it got glassed.

    “How much longer until we get to the base in Userup?” Darren questioned.

    “We should be there in about 2 hours.” Russell announced.

              There was only 7 men in the Pelican at the time, there was originally ten but when we got dropped, we were ambushed and forced to retreat back into the deep recessives of the destroyed city.

              (4 hours ago)It was supposed to be a simple mission, find a lost squad of marines hidden in the city throughout, get them back to the LZ and wait for further orders. We weren’t so fortunate, and neither were the stranded marines.

    It was a risky situation, there were six marines hidden in a hotel in the South sector of the city. The city wasn’t fairly big, it was roughly 3.5 kilometers and Covenant were patrolling the entire city. I new it wasn’t going to be easy but I didn’t expect the UNSC to send in marines that weren’t as experienced as I thought they should be.

    (Present time)

    “Darren, you there?” Travis asked procariously.

    “Ya, I was just lost in thought.” Darren indolently stated

    2 hours later

              The ground was gradually getting closer as the squad of seven marines were about to touch down in the landing pad located in the center of the base.

    “Staff Sergeant Darren, proceed down the hall to the debriefing room.” A man proclaimed as we stepped off the Pelican.

    Sorry if it’s not too good, but it’s my first one.

                                 Chapter 1

              Darren couldn’t get over the fact that he had failed his previous mission all because he had hesitated. He didn’t even speak when proceeding down the hall to the debriefing room.

    “How many casualties?” a man in the debriefing room asked impatiently.

              At first, Darren was suspicious of the man, his nametag read “Captain Silco”. He had a firm face with pale blue eyes that locked Darren’s stare.

    “3 squad-mates and the 6 objectives , sir.” Darren had informed him.

    “Alright, get your squad together and gear up, your leaving in 12 hours.” Captain Silco told him.

    “Why, sir?” Darren quickly questioned back.

    “The Covenant has recently attacked a nearby city, Tiris, but we are imposing the city by having tactical maps and a chart with all the sewers.”

    “How will we be entering the city?”

    “You will be airlifted about 2 kilometers in the outskirts of the city due to the Covenant setting up AA guns in the heart of the city.”

    “So what’s our objective?”

    “Your job will be to aid an Anti-Armor squad get to the AA gun to take it out so we will have airsupport for the city.”

    “I’ll assemble my squad, sir.”

              Those was the last words before he had left the room and hooked a left towards the airpad. As Darren walked out of the debriefing room and towards the Infirmary where I saw my squad getting minor work done to small wounds when in Dallur.

    “Alright men, we’re going to be airlifted in about 11 and a half hours to help fight off some Covies and help an Anti-Armor squad in Tiris.”

              As Darren’s squad proceeded to the Armory after the Infirmary, they met the Anti-Armor squad they were going to escort. Darren and Russell both went for a BR55. Travis went for the standard MA5B. Our newest member, Brandon, went for an SRS99D-S2 AM rifle. I remember him beeing classified as a ‘Sharpshooter”. The Anti-Armor squad all grasped a M41 SSR.

    “Squad, get some rest, because you’re going to need it.”

                                 Chapter 2

              Darren only got about 7 hours of sleep before they were airlifted. As Sergeant Darren Darren walked out side of the barracks, he felt cold moist midnight air fill his lungs and gave him the chills.

    “This is going to be a tough one.” Darren muttered to himself.

              When he looked back into the barracks, he saw his squad-mates wipe their eyes and splashed water on their face.

    “You think you men are ready?”

    “YES, SIR!” the squad-mates all exclaimed in their groggy morning voices

              Sergeant Darren always had a strange feeling before a mission started. The rest of the squad started gearing up and doing the usual. Check the safety and clip, make sure it isn’t jammed and make sure that you have extra ammo. He noticed Brandon the most though, Darren watched as Brandon disassembled his Sniper rifle and cleaned with lightning fast movements. This means that he clearly had experience with a gun, or at least Darren hoped.

    “What’s the situation, sir?” Travis said.

    “We’ll be airlifted in the outskirts of the Tiris and will make our way into the sewers from a sewage plant that is currently unoccupied.” Sgt. Darren told him.

    “So we’re gonna smell like *** when we’re fighting the Covies, brilliant.” Russell said.

    “It’s better than being blown out of the air, smartass.” Brandon got into this conversation now. He never looked like a quiet one, he had short black hair with blue eyes that looked like ice.

    “I guess so…” Russell said.

              As Darren’s squad was traveling to the Pelican, Darren noted that he saw two figures wearing black and gray armor with blue tinted visors.

    “ODSTs..” Travis thought.

              Darren knew Travis had never seen them before, Travis had certainly heard of them but never saw them in real life. Darren knew why too, the ODST’s missions were completely suicidal and risky. Sgt. Darren wondered why they were on the Pelican. Everyone was silent when on the Pelican on the way to Tiris.

    2 hours later

    “This is an important mission, nobody can screw up or we’re all gonna get blasted to Hell!” Darren exclaimed

    “Touchdown! Hit it marines!” The pilot said over the COM

    “Go! Go! Go!” Darren ordered

              The four marines leaped off the Pelican and landed on the ground 5 feet below. The squad made quick progress the destroyed outskirts of Tiris. Darren put up a fist that indicated “Stop”. Then he made another quick gesture which told the rest of his squad to open their COM channels.

    “Sewage plant in sight, approximately 400 meters.” Darren said.

    “Brandon, scope out the Plant.” Darren ordered.

              Brandon popped out of the corner of a destroyed rampart, he closely moved his Sniper Rifle back and forth.

    “Coast is Clear!” Brandon whispered

    “Alright, once we get inside the plant, we’ll file into the sewer one-by-one.” Darren told his squad.

    “Sir, yes sir!” the squad exclaimed.

    “On my mark squad,” Darren quickly thrust his hand forward indicating go.

    As the ground flew by under their feet, Darren heard a high-pitched humming noise coming from the east. “A Phantom…” he thought.

    “GET DOWN! NOW!.”

              The whole squad dropped to the ground like corpses. The noise got louder and louder until the Phantom’s bright neon lights seared over head. Darren waited until it passed over the tree line.

    “Move! Move! Move!” Darren ordered

              The squad came to life and sprinted towards their destination. They finally got to the front door of the plant.

    “Hold!” Darren said.

              Darren hit the door knob with the butt of his gun and it flew off with success, after that followed a strong kick to the place where the knob would originally have been placed. The door flew inside the plant and made a loud and screeching noise that would have alerted anybody.

    “File in!” Darren exclaimed

                                 Chapter 3

     

     

              The four of them shot through the doorway and surveyed the room.

     

    “Room’s clear!” Russel said

     

              Darren pulled out s msp of the sewage plant and followed a green line on the map and guided the rest of his squad to the objective.

     

    “Alright men, on me.” Darren said

     

              With Darren on point, the squad quickly moved through a series of doorways, empty rooms and stairwells.

     

    “We’re here, men.”  Darren said

     

    “***, that smells bad.” Brandon said

     

    “Quit complaining, we all gotta get through this.” Darren replied

     

              Darren opened the hatch and dropped down into the dark sewers. He signaled the rest of the squad that it’s safe.

     

    “The Anti-Armor squad should be in position so we are going to meet up in 400 yards.” Darren informed

     

    “Yes, sir.” the squad replied

     

              We made good progress through the sewers and the quick muffled thump of our boots meeting the soggy metal was dead quiet. Darren surveyed the area ahead. Something was wrong…

     

    “Hold.” Darren said into the COM

     

    “Move, carefully.” Darren said to the squad

     

              An echoing growl came from the back of the squad. They teached minor skills in judging how far the noise is and the elements around noises that affect it.

     

    “Butes… they caught our scent.” Darren murmered

     

    “MOVE! MOVE! MOVE!” Darren screamed

     

              Darren felt his own heart beating inside of his chest like a war drum getting hit. This is probably the fastest Darren saw him and his squad sprint. They hooked a right and saw the exit where the Anti-Armor squad would be waiting.  The growling was slowly getting closer, he’d figure that the Brute would be smart enough to start sprinting. Darren saw the Anti-Armor squad looking inside the sewer through the open hatch. The growling was furious now, as if the Brute was right next to him.

     

    “COME ON!” Darren exclaimed

     

              In the distance, he saw a bright orange rocket fly past their heads and a loud crash and crys of pain and anguish from the Brute. Darren looked back but didn’t stop running. The brute got ripped in half from the rocket and the floor and walls were covered with purple stained blood and inner organs. The whole squad jumped through the hatch just encase any others survived.

     

    “ I saved your ass back there. The name’s Chris.” Chris greeted

     

              Darren looked at him with astonishment, it was a perfectly shot rocket and excellent timing. Chris had a British accent with brown hair and highly brightened Hazel eyes.

     

    “Staff Sergeant Darren.” Darren greeted back

     

    “Ah, another Staff Sergeant, I myself am one also. Meet the rest of my squad, Corporal Corey,  Private Daniel and Sergeant Robert.” Chris said

     

    “Alright, here’s my squad.” Darren started but got interrupted

     

    “I know about you guys, the ones in Dallur.” Chris intervened

     

    “No time for anymore greetings.” Darren said

     

              A piercing explosion came from across the street, a Wraith mortar sent half of the building crumbling to the ground. Marines fell out of the building and were exposed on the inside. The Marines returned fire but it didn’t have any effect on the attacking force. The Wraith was well protected with a Jackal Energy Phalanx covering the front.

     

    “So far we’re undetected.” Chris informed both squads

     

    “Not for long.” Robert said with a smirk on his face

     

    “Robert, Corey, take out that Wraith.”

     

    “Affirmative.” both agreed

     

              Two searing rockets impacted the Wraith and made a turquoise explosion that brightened the streets and plasma bolts light up the sky and was an urban warfare battle.



    xbox Live Gamertag = SBDassassin21
  •  09-28-2008, 1:24 PM 365229 in reply to 365216

    Re: FF: Gravemakers and Gunslingers

    Can somebody review mine?

    xbox Live Gamertag = SBDassassin21
  •  09-28-2008, 1:31 PM 365235 in reply to 365229

    • Vigil
    • Top 10 Contributor
    • Joined on 05-22-2007
    • Forerunner personel assitance AI serial E/9 657 82
    • Posts 8,688

    Re: FF: Gravemakers and Gunslingers

    Okay I just scrolled through it. Not bad. A few errors. 'Knew' is spelt with a K, you missed it out.

    There were also a few parts were the language confused me. The sentence about the missing marines being scattered throughout the city needs to be worded better and indolently? I'll have to look that one up.

    Edit:I looked it up in the dictionary and I see what you were trying to do, as he said the sentnce in a laid-back lazy tone. It may confuse people though.

    Other than that a good effort. Well done.

    Edit: Please stop changing the font and crossing it out. It's making it increasingly harder to read it.


    Vigil is watching you

    Halo: The Unlatched Casket- The horror is released........
  •  09-28-2008, 1:34 PM 365238 in reply to 365235

    Re: FF: Gravemakers and Gunslingers

    Ignore



    xbox Live Gamertag = SBDassassin21
  •  09-28-2008, 1:35 PM 365239 in reply to 365238

    Re: FF: Gravemakers and Gunslingers

    Nevermind



    xbox Live Gamertag = SBDassassin21
  •  09-28-2008, 1:37 PM 365245 in reply to 365239

    • Vigil
    • Top 10 Contributor
    • Joined on 05-22-2007
    • Forerunner personel assitance AI serial E/9 657 82
    • Posts 8,688

    Re: FF: Gravemakers and Gunslingers

    Fenix:
    Lock this because I have to make a new thread.

    I have the same problem. Delete everything. Then copy and paste it back in once.


    Vigil is watching you

    Halo: The Unlatched Casket- The horror is released........
  •  09-28-2008, 1:40 PM 365248 in reply to 365245

    Re: FF: Gravemakers and Gunslingers

    Vigil:

    Fenix:
    Lock this because I have to make a new thread.

    I have the same problem. Delete everything. Then copy and paste it back in once.

    Thanks



    xbox Live Gamertag = SBDassassin21
  •  09-28-2008, 1:42 PM 365251 in reply to 365245

    Re: FF: Gravemakers and Gunslingers

    plz stop crossing out and changing the font,its hard to read it when you do that

    "Feet first into Hell!"
  •  09-28-2008, 1:43 PM 365252 in reply to 365251

    Re: FF: Gravemakers and Gunslingers

    I know, my computer lagged and screwed it up for a second but it should be fixed.

    xbox Live Gamertag = SBDassassin21
  •  09-28-2008, 5:38 PM 365450 in reply to 365252

    Re: FF: Gravemakers and Gunslingers

    ooo...

    good work...

    havent read a good fan fic in a long time...


    Gone and forgotten...
  •  09-28-2008, 6:32 PM 365535 in reply to 365450

    • JFMK2
    • Top 200 Contributor
    • Joined on 07-04-2008
    • JamesFletcher, if you were around long enough.
    • Posts 982

    Re: FF: Gravemakers and Gunslingers

    It's a pretty good fic if you ask me.  Your writing quality and vocabulary is just fine, however your style of writing doesn't seem to be as creative or interesting though, one thing you need to work on.  The plot, doesn't seem to be extravagantly deep or complex so far however.  Keep on going, I give it a B.

    I asked The Lord, "Why hath thou forsaken me?" And He spoke unto me saying, "j00 R n0.0b 4 3VR", And I was like "stfu -_-;;"


    Check out my ongoing FF, Age of Revelations.
    [[I approve of the firebase]]
  •  09-28-2008, 6:34 PM 365536 in reply to 365535

    Re: FF: Gravemakers and Gunslingers

    Thanks

     



    xbox Live Gamertag = SBDassassin21
  •  09-29-2008, 3:26 PM 366130 in reply to 365536

    Re: FF: Gravemakers and Gunslingers

    Chapter 1 is up.

    xbox Live Gamertag = SBDassassin21
  •  09-29-2008, 3:50 PM 366236 in reply to 366130

    Re: FF: Gravemakers and Gunslingers

    Is chapter 1 bad because nobody has replied to it.



    xbox Live Gamertag = SBDassassin21
  •  09-29-2008, 3:58 PM 366251 in reply to 366236

    • JFMK2
    • Top 200 Contributor
    • Joined on 07-04-2008
    • JamesFletcher, if you were around long enough.
    • Posts 982

    Re: FF: Gravemakers and Gunslingers

    Not really, it's pretty good. Looking forward to the rest of it this time. 

    I asked The Lord, "Why hath thou forsaken me?" And He spoke unto me saying, "j00 R n0.0b 4 3VR", And I was like "stfu -_-;;"


    Check out my ongoing FF, Age of Revelations.
    [[I approve of the firebase]]
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