chapter 1
Spec was a grunt who worked on an office on earth. It was a good job filing papers with his friends Fred a elite and bob a human. one day spec got really bored and i mean BORED The office walls seemed to close on him and no filing was coming in.Spec decided to how long he could stay in oxygen without his mask. His Bose,a hunter named Carl, seeing as spec might accidentally pass out, gave him Fred and bob a vacation to instillation 05.what spec and his friends didn't know is that installation 05 was infested with flood but they'll figure out this In a later chapter he he he..........anywase Fred came up to spec a day before the trip. "hey spec do you mind if i bring my girlfriend Tess along?" Fred asked. "no way! no girls allowed this is a mans trip....er manly grunt trip....um..... manly sentient beings trip!" spec said. "please ill throw in a years supply of food nipples(grunt food) and some jackal stew" Fred offers. spec thought about it and finally said yes. so they got on a ship ans sped of for installation 05
to be continued
chapter 2wo
it was 100 years after the covenant war and peace was every where. grunts were living the good life now that they weren't cannon fodder for the humans. jackals opened up their own restaurants called McJackals but the company was sued many times for serving "grunt burgers." as for the brutes well..... *picture of a brute in a cage at a zoo with kids throwing popcorn at it* drones became repair bugs that would fly to areas where ships were stranded. hunters learned to speak English and became great friends with the humans. as for the elites they became the intergalactic space police. as for master chief not even i can tell you if they ever found him because well... *shows picture of bungie SWAT outside my house* ... as for the humans they have been busy rebuilding the home fleet after truth destroyed it. and as for truth well hes still dead.... to show peace between the covenant species and humans some species have named their offspring with human names the same goes with humans and alien names. bob's son name is bok a name jackal name.
chapter 3
Spec slowed the advanced phantom to land at Cutler station outside of earth. "so were is your girl friend, you told us she would be here at 2:00 sharp!" bob asked. a elite in pink armor approached the landing bay and came up to the phantom. "is Fred in there?" the elite asked. whoa elites females sound almost exactly as males intresting...." spec thought then he took a food nipple out of the cup holder and ate the whole thing in one bite. the two elites came up to each other and hugged. they loaded up on the phantom and Spec pushed down the petal to leave. "this is Tess my girlfriend" Fred introduced her. "pleased to meet you" bob sand extending his hand. Tess looked at bob oddly then looked at Fred "your supposed to shake it Tess" Fred told her. "ooh i see" she grabbed bobs and and squeezed it. a loud crunching sound reverberated thought the phantom. "YEE-OW!!!!!" bob yelled and let go of Tess's hand. bob's hand swelled up red. "dang man your girlfriend shakes hard!" Fred walked up to Spec and introduced him to her "this is Spec, my friend from work" Tess's eyes lit up and she charged the small creature. Spec put his arms over his head as the elite swarmed over him. "oooo whats this button do?" she pressed a small blue button on the back of Spec's environment suit. "no that controls my AHHH good lord my my suit!!!" Spec's suit fell off. "O my god a naked grunt there are some things i never need to know...." bob said as he covered his eyes. "you idiot i cant breathe!!!!!" spec said. he ran with his arms in the air into his methane room located at the back of the phantom. Tess picked up the specs breather mask and put it over her nose (wherever elites noses are) her eyes rolled to the back of her head and she passed out. "wait if spec is in his room....whos driving the phantom!!!!"
chapter 4
after nearly crashing into a near by planet Spec got a new environment suit and took control of the phantom before they crashed, but not before anyone peed their pants. "man that was a new pair of under ware!" Fred said. bob looked at him oddly "you wear under ware?" he asked. "yeah doesn't everybody?" Fred asked. "yes...or some variations of it, but your the first elite Ive heard who wears under ware, i just thought elites wore armor or something over that." the phantom screeched to a stop. Spec turned around and yelled "could we just get off THE SUBJECT?!?!?!" a silence fell over the phantom. "SO, anyone see any good movies lately?" bob asked. "yeah i saw one, was called saving Pvt. yakap, very good very,very good." Spec said. "i saw one it was called the new Mombasa chainsaw massacre" Fred said (rymn lol) "it was scary it was how a deranged elite killed 50 marines using a human weapon call a chainsaw" Fred added. "wait how was that movie scary, you're an elite" spec asked "because at the end when we thought he was dead he turned into....into...." "into what?" bob wondered. "DORA THE EXPLORER" another silence fell on the phantom. spec was the first to speck in a small very scared tone "i just soiled myself"
chapter 5
they Finlay reached installation 05 and were about to enter the rings atmosphere when a peculiar stench entered the phantom. "dude, whats that smell?" bob asked. "i don't know dude its smells like someone doing crack" Spec said. "dude its coming from the bathroom" Fred added. "wait where is Tess?" bob asked. the opened the bathroom to see Tess sitting on the toilet with one of Spec's environment suit. she had a lighter over the breathing mask and burning the methane. "um...dude i think you girlfriend is addicted to meth and by "meth" i mean methane gas." Spec told Fred. "it makes my head all lupy" Tess said "ooh a butterfly!!! WEEEEEE" "i think we should get her outa there before she dies of gas inhalation." spec said. so they got her out of the bathroom and tied her into a chair despite her demands that Bambi was in the ship and was getting shot by monkeys. the Finally made it to their destination. quarantine zone resorts. the met the hotel manager an elite named dug(dull i know) he took them to their small 3 room apartment. as they walked up to the structure they noticed something odd. a large fence with barb wire was surrounding the apartment and gun towers were on in the corners. Spec gulped "what are those for?" he asked. "o you'll see" dug said in a creepy voice " YOU WILL ALL SEE BUHAHAHAAHAH!!!!!" the group stared at the manager as he opened the lock to the fence and let them in. as he closed the fence door he said "have a good night he he he......" "i wonder what that was all about" Fred asked. " i don't know but i don't think well be having a good night" bob remarked. the opened the door to the apartment and walked inside. standing there in front of them was a small balloon like creature with three little tentacles sticking out in front of it. "awww how cute" Spec said (its been 100 years after the war so none of them know what the flood look like) he reached out his hand to touch it when it launched onto his face.
chapter 6
Spec ran in circles as the bubble creature wrapped its verticals around his face. "omg its penetrating me, GET IT OFF, it penetrating me!" he screamed. "that sounds really disgusting so I'm not getting near that" bob said watching spec run around the apartment. "you perv i didn't mean it like that not get this thing off me!!!!" "o all right" bob ran over to the grunts side and tried to pull it out "man this thing is clingy" bob said as he gave it a tug. "thats because its attached to esophagus" spec said painfully as a tear ran down his eye. bob realized he was trying to yank out the grunts stomach. "wait if this is you stomach that were is it now?" he looked inside the opening the bubble creature made. got it!" bob said as he yanked out the bubble monster "what now?" he asked "easy we kill it" Fred said. he pulled out a plasma rifle and shot the creature from bob's hands it fell to the floor and made a load popping sound. "holy crap where did you get that gun from?" bob asked. "the gun shop you didn't see it on the way in its right by the hospital" Fred explained. "hospital!!!!" spec said and ran out of the house. "well i guess its just the three of us now right Tess.....Tess? Tess? Tess!" Fred said. he took a moment and looked around. "o mu god we forgot Tess!!!!" they ran out side and saw the fence turrets firing at the bubble creatures,they were everywhere, then they saw the phantom it was parked next to a pelican and a clown car. "c'mon we have to get over there!" Fred yelled. "no way man i ain't going over there, there are clowns" bob said starring at the car. "what your scared of clowns?" Fred asked. "yeah it all happened at my 5th birthday *screen starts to get wavy then wavy stops to show a birthday party* my mom hired a clown named slappy.
"hey kid wanna see a balloon animal" "sure " "ok here you go" "thanks, hey why do they call you slappy?" ill show you *pulls down pants* "o dear lord AHHH"
"and i can never look at a clown the same way again" bob said. Fred thought he might burst out laughing but held it, not because it would be rude to laugh, because at the same time it was funny it was very Very disturbing "c'mon lets go their not even in the car" Fred yelled "ok fine but if i see one clown I'm outa here" bob replied. as they ran spec met up with them "hey guys just got back from the hospital, i figured out I'm fine! just gave me some stitches" he said. "thats okay but we go to get to Tess now!" Fred yelled. the opened the door and entered. Tess was still there tied up in her seat "you jerks!! Bambi got shot by the monkeys!!!" she yelled at them. "shes still high wow" bob said. "man its so dark in here let me get some matches." spec said and started rummaging through the front seat."wait she shouldn't be high shes been in here for like an hour, then thats means the environment suit is still running methane into the air" Fred said to bob "theres those matches!" spec said and started to light one "NOOOOOO!!!!!" bob and Fred screamed in unison
to be continued
chapter 7
the match didn't light. "o thank god"Fred exhaled. bob deactivated the environment suit and they headed back to the apartment with a passed out Tess. an hour later Tess woke up and they decided on rooms. "OK here is my plan," Fred started "i get the master room Tess gets the room to the left spec gets the room to the right a bob gets to sleep in the cupboard" "no way why does spec get his own room? hes the smallest he should get the cupboard" bob complained "because the room in the right is the only one that can be made into a methane atmosphere" Fred explained. "well why don't you and Tess sleep in the same room. Fred looked at Tess,who looked at him and both of them had the elite equivalent to a smile. "well i guess thats over with i think I'm going to bed early" Fred said "me too, wait up baby!!!!" Tess chased after Fred and bob and spec could hear the door lock. "wow, that was a little awkward, i wonder how elites actually do it" bob said looking at spec. bob leaned over and spec whispered into his ear. he stood strait pondering this. "o thats.....ew.....EWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!" bob ran into the bathroom and started to throw up. spec hoped on the couch and turned on the TV. he flipped through the channels. "hmmm and elite cooking show Lame, jackal boxing lame, SAW 2232 man you think head be dead by now, ooh mtv special music of the 20th century interesting" a spec watch and learned the lyrics of all the songs and finally he fell asleep on the couch. he woke up in a strange place it was a street corner it was foggy and wolves could be heard in the distance. all of a sudden a hoard of zombies lead by Micheal Jackson marched toward him "omg get that rod away from me OMG AHHH AHHHHH HELP ME!!!!" he woke up in a cold sweat. he looked around the apartment. it was quiet except for the occasional thud sound from Fred's room and the splashing sound of bob throwing up in the bathroom. spec finally went to bed and said "man that is the last time i watch thriller before bed."
chapter 8
the next day spec and bob were sitting on the couch watching jackal boxing. "wow, look at them they look like half bird half dog creatures, except with gloves!!!" bob said. "you idiot they are half bird half dog which reminds me......."spec said. he walked up to Fred's bedroom and knocked "hey Fred where is that jackal stew you promised? Fred" he slowly open the door and heared a weird noise. "Yahoo round 223!!!! awwww yay!!!" spec simply closed the door and went to change methane tanks. bob sat on the couch when all of a sudden the door blew up 4 grunts ran inside wielding needlers. "give us your cash and your food nipples and maybe JUST maybe we wont cut off your dignity HA HA HA!!!" one of the grunts yelled. "holy crap!!!! space grunt pirates AHHH" bob ran into a corner, put his thumb in his mouth and repeated "happy place happy place" then something entered his happy place "o god its CLOWNS ah ah ah........o their nice, their giving me candy! wait what is that OMG Slappy AHHHH" one of grunts walked up to the stunned bob."we better call the nut hut this one is cookoo......FOR COCO PUFFS" all the grunts laughed "well put him out of his misery" another grunt said. right before the grunt pulled the trigger spec walked in. "o hey jerry you came to visit, and you brought your crew!!!" spec said happily and ran up and hugged one of the grunts. "you know this lunatic?" bob asked "lunatic? we went to grunt college together, ahh the good all days sneaking into the jocks locker room and stealing their tanks so when they played the would pass out on the field, sigh" spec said "man and to think we were going to steal your nipples rape your women and eat you kidneys" jerry said. "so what brings ya down here jerry?" spec said "nothing much just plundering the near by ships" jerry said with a smile "hey jerry our road trip isn't going very well, do you know where we could find a good spot?" spec asked "yes i know, blue berry hill but you'll need a map to get there, luckily i swiped the magic one from a Mexican chick with a talking backpack and a monkey wearing boots on the border he he he, anywise magic map tell us how to get to blue berry hill" jerry ordered "up your but and around the corner!" the map yelled back. "o so you want to play dirty eh? well id like you to meet a little Friend of mine "lighty" hes very happy to meet you" he held up a lighter to the map "ok ok but i do have a name you know" the map said "o yeah what?" jerry said angrily "Gaylord" the map replied. "now i see why they call him map" jerry whispered to spec. "ok first you must put the hot dog through the donut, then go through the portal and you'll be at blue berry hill" the map said." wait hot dog in the donut, what are you talking about?" jerry demanded "its a riddle go outside and you shall see you answer" the map said. they walked out side and looked all around them "nothing but flood, buildings, the halo ring, and that long abandoned forerunner ship that looks like a penis" jerry said "wait i read this in a human anatomy class humans refer to banging as putting the hotdog through the donut. we have the hotdog but what is the donut?" spec said "its the ring you idiot!!!" Bob yelled from the apartment the looked around "o now i see he he he the forerunners were pervs!"
chapter 8 1/2
you know what time it is? intervention chapter!!!!! intervention chapters are like chapter 2 which fill you in on information this is short so its only half a chapter.
Spec- halo 2 grunt (blue skin) probably the smartest in the group, because hes the only one who knows how to drive a phantom and knows the anatomy of humans and elites
Bob- a somewhat(keyword "somewhat") normal human. bob is probably the one with the most phobia's which you'll see more through the series.
Fred- a normal elite if he were human he would probably a college student, because he is the on with the girl friend. he always love to party
Tess- Tess would be like a blond elite (no offense to you smart blonds out there) she is not an addict to methane she just tried it once. Tess will sometime have delusions that are kinda creepy and will may wet your pants if you have a weak heart
Carl- a hunter will be mentioned later in the series
chapter 9
they flew the phantom up to the forerunner ship. Fred and Tess Finlay had gotten done with their, how to i say this with out sounding like a pervert? funny junk. jerry and his crew had left to go pillage some Mcjackals. they pulled up to the landing bay of the old ship. "what do you want here?!?!" a loud booming voice echoed through the ship. at once two dozen sentinels swarmed in "uh we wanted to visit blue berry hill?"spec said in a weak voice. "o why didn't you say so" the voice said. the sentinels flew off to other tasks. a purple light came into the hangar emitting from a small ball in the sky "hello i am 126 silly Benny but you can call me Benny i am the monitor of ship 28596048395049384059859384756210497659310484018492849492902-494820482845782^_^692-6-25841 and a half let me show you to the control room." the small ball flew down a hallway talking as it went as the others followed "the purpose of this ship was to bring about the birth of the great yougin" Benny said "wif great youngin?" Fred asked "you'll see with time" Benny said and flew forward. "welcome to the control room i will gladly pilot the ship to its destination for you" the group stood there amazed at this machine that called itself "Benny" "hey dude if this is the *** then where is the ball sack?" bob asked. "final preparations are instating." Benny said. a hissing sound filled the ship as two large balloons inflated out the back. "wow thats a little awkward"spec said. the large ship moved forward into the ring and a bright light shined into the control room. when the light stooped a large mass of flesh and bone was pushing out of the ring "holy crap what is that!!!?!?!" Fred screamed "its the great youngin" Benny said with a chuckle "omg was that a diaper?"Tess asked. "dude its a giant frekin baby!!!!" bob screamed. "alright you must now enter the pod to enter the portal" Benny said. they made their way to a launch site but the vehicle they were supposed to ride in was a little......odd. "um benny.....thats a spoon" bob said. "yes this is the transport to go to the portal, now if you don't mind please stand in the cup" Benny asked. they stepped inside a large jar lowered from the roof. "look whats that writing?" they looked on the jar "Gerber" spec said "wth is Gerber?" Fred asked bob "omg its baby food!!!!" before they could get away the applesauce landed on them. "don't worry about the your ship, i will transport it to blueberry hill after you go in" Benny said as large rockets on the spoon lit up and they flew out of the ship. the baby opened the its mouth and slurped up the applesauce with Fred Tess bob and spec to a portal located in its stomach
to be continued
chapter 10
a great light enveloped the applesauce they went through space at the speed of light x10 they flew out the portal and into a quiet medow. "wow what a rush!!!!"fred said. "look blueberry hill thank god its over!!!" bob said. they ran up to the hill but all that stood in their way was a talking gate "graciouse" (i dont know how to speel spanish good so plz dont hate me) the gate said and started speaking spanish "i dont speak Spanish do you bob" Fred asked "yes but only one" bob walked up to the gate "por favor calente no abla Espanol" the gate was quiet "ok come on in" they walked in and found some buckets they picked up berrys till the buckets overflowed with berrys as they were about to a fox in a ski mask jumped up and grabbed their berrys "wtf!"Tess screamed. the fox through the berrys into the bushes "you'll never find them now he he he" the fox "o I'm the best thief in the world" he said smiling "wait how can you be a good thief when you throw your loot in the bushes so no one can find them when you cant find them yourself?" Fred asked "o i really didn't think that out hmmmm well the is a kids show for Pete's sake so why should i care!?!" the fox said. "because of this" Fred said and pulled out a plasma rifle and shot the fox in the head "man this is probably the worst road trip i have ever taken" spec said "yeah lets get back to earth this is crap, where is Benny with our phantom?" bob asked
on the other side of the galaxy......
"cmon eat the phantom, its good for you" Benny said trying to get the baby to eat the phantom "no no!!" the baby said "DON'T MAKE ME GET DAD!!!!!" Benny screamed as her light turned red "besides it a new kind of jelly bean" the baby scared of what this small ball might do and it liked to eat jelly beans swallowed the phantom.......with Benny too.
back at blueberryhill........
a large light enveloped to meadow as the portal lit up. the phantom and Benny flew out of it and landed hard. "finally lets get outa here" spec said "wait who is that?" Benny asked looking at the dead fox "no one now cmon before the cops show up" the phantoms thrusters lift the craft and soon they were on their way home. about halfway into their trip Fred and Tess were asleep and Benny was recharging her battery "hey spec?" bob asked "yeah what is it?"spec said eating a food nipple "how come Fred is the only one getting laid?" bob asked "you want to get laid?" spec asked "yeah" "fine there is a town coming up ill find you a hooker so you'll stop bothering me!!!" spec flew into the small space port. wow its an alien town o well have to make do" spec said. the walked the streets and saw some hunters in dresses "two big plus worms are kinda creepy" bob said then they came up to two drones "nope" then two jackals in dresses this time spec went up to one of them "not on you life jackals" spec said one of the jackals ran up to up to him "o you think you too good for us gas sucker well Kay we leaving" the jackals snapped its fingers and they walked away "gas sucker? thats all you got you bird face!!!" spec yelled at them "bird face what kind of insult is bird face?" bob asked "i don't know i had to think of something besides thos two were drag queens you didn't see the bulge in their pants?"spec asked "no i don't usually look there" bob said and gave spec a weird look "i know what you thinking and it makes me angry your thinking I'm *** don't you huh?" spec said "no dude i didn't" bob lied "o you wouldn't like me when I'm angry!!!"spec said "dude spec are you getting taller?" bob asked "don't change the subject!!!" spec screamed "no I'm serious your getting huge and your skin its tunning red" bob said "o yeah thats because I'm angry thats whats grunts do when their angry!!" spec screamed "fine forget getting laid ill buy you some food nipple at the nipple mart ok?" bob asked immediately spec shrunk to his normal size and they walked toward the mart. Fred woke up and looked around the phantom, no sign of bob or spec "hey Tess wake up its party time!!!" Tess woke up and got on the phone "big party come!!!!!" she said to all of her friends. and the phantom was now a party house.
chapter 11
"dude that was fun" spec said laughing "yeah we totally got that grunt mad dude!!1 did you see her pull out that gun? priceless!" they walked up to the parking lot where the phantom was parked "hey dude where is the phantom?" spec asked they looked around the lot. spec sniffed the air "i smell beer sweat and *sniff* spilled food nipples, they had a party without us!!! and their eating my food nipples DANGET!!!!" spec yelled. "well that dosen't explain were the phantom is" bob said "look confetti!! and look a beer bottle its a trail!!!"spec said they followed the trail to a large conferance hall where the phantom laid on the stage. they entered to see drunken and high elites everywhere "wait dude how are they high?" bob asked then they saw scatter enviorment suits on the ground. "man i just had those dry cleaned!!!" spec yelled "allright partys over every one out!" bob yelled but the elites just kept lying around. "their not leaving well have to pull out it!" spec said "ok get the hammer" bob said. the walked into the backroom and brought out a vodika bottle in a glass case with the words "in case of emergency or if you have drunken hoolagens that wont leave your house, break glass" spec took the hammer and broke the glass 'hey elites look what i got!"spec said "they all looked at him "go get it boy and girls" spec said and threw it out the door all the elites jumped out after it. "now its only a matter of finding tess and fred"bob said. they found fred in the bathroom throwing up his lunch and they found tess in the fridge saying "the monkeys are in there i must avenge bambi!!!!" spec got in the seat and flew off the station."hey bob could you flush the tolit for fred i think its probably backing up by now" spec said. bob flushed the tolit and came back to the front of the phantom "hey when you flush the tolit on one of these things where does it go?" bob asked. "o it gets blasted out the back". a phantom was following behind them "is that the phantom who has the guys on it that called us bird face?" one of the jackals said to the other "yes it is" the other said "well lets kill them!!" all of a sudden somthing green and brown splashed accross the windsheild "ahh i cant see!!" one of the jackals yelled "were going down AHHHHHH" another one yelled the phantom crashed into a nearby moon. "hey where is benny?" spec asked then they noticed that the disco ball was sending out purple light. they looked up and saw benny spinning from a hook in the cealing "o dear lord get me down from here!!!"
chapter 12
its the part we all hate, having to clean up afterwards. as the they scavenged through the remains bob noticed something.....odd. "dude whats this it looks like a glove!" bob held up the clear white glove. spec looked at it,his eyes widend "dude,drop it thats a elite c-o-n-d-o-m" spec said "holy crap!" bob screamed and threw it on benny's eyeball "get this bio waste off me!!" she yelled. Fred,still drunk, lifted his head "thats not waste those are my kid you bad mouthing!!!" he said then passed out. benny flung it off her with her laser it flew across the phantom right into specs room....right into his oxygen exaust pipe for his room. The white thing blew up to the size of a brutes but when its been eating Mcjackals all for 30 days. Then it exploded sending white liquid accross the interior of the phantom. "omg i think im going to be sick" bob said. Spec had it on his face "i feal them craling into my eyes GET IT OFF ME!!!!" the grunt ran around and crashed into the phantoms controls. "are you okay?"" bob asked "yeah i am but i think i hit the overload button" spec said. the lights dimed "o cmon who puts on of those on a ship?!?!" bob asked " great were drifting in space" spec siad "dont worry i got connections" bennys said "anyone have a atom phone?" she asked "yeah i do but make it quick im about outa minutes" spec said as he handed benny the phone "wait your about out of minutes? i dont see you ever using that phone" bob asked "well i dont talk on it around you guys because its private" spec said "private? let me guess your mom?" bob joked "No! yes" spec said. benny used her laser to hold up the phone, he put in the numbers with her eye. a tone came from the phone before there was a flaping sound emitted from it "hey tony? yeah its me benny, im in a phantom about west of harvest and east of koch station" benny said. another flapping sound emitted "allright tony thanks love ya bye" benny said and the phone clicked shut. "whos tony?" spec said? " a friend of my cousin 343 guilty spark, till that guy in armor blew him up, though spark wasen't always right in the head" benny said as she looked out a window for tony. all of a sudden there was a shudder then the sound of flaping wings. then an insect like creature looked through the glass at them "omg drones their going to suck out blood!!!!" spec screamed he ran underneath the couch and started to tremble "no no tony dosent want to suck you blood he just wants your nipples as payment." benny said. spec and and bob stared at her "o i mean your food nipples" benny corected her self. the drones got to work and fixed it up. spec paid the amount of five gallons of food nipples to the drones and they flew off. the phantom gently glided forward when a menacing looking ship came out of hyper space *bungie swat enters my room*
bungie: wrong term wront term
me: WTF!!!
bungie: its slipspace not hyper space you nerd!!!! now retype it or we will shoot you with bean bages!!!
me: ooo bean bags
bungie:*fires bean bag gun into my nuts*
me:ok,i give i give
the phantom gently glided through space as a menacing ship apeared from slispace
to be continued
Chapter 13
"o crap" spec said "what is it" bob asked "your mom" Fred said as he passed out again. Small lights started coming from the ship "hmmmm" spec said and pressed a button. on the screen blue furry blobs could be seen. "omg...." spec said as he voiced trailed off "what?" bob asked "COOKIE MONSTERS!!!!!" spec screamed "WTF?" bob yelled "why would they come after us we have no cookies here, unless" spec ran up to Fred "Where are the cookies you drunk!?!" spec slapped Fred across the face "up your butt and around the corner!" Fred yelled "danget hes still high" spec said and started rummaging through the trash "what the hell are cookie monsters?' bob asked "they are creatures that flew through space looking for cookies, they kill anyone who gets in their way" spec answered "wow, obsessed much?" " i cant find them we have to make a jump to try to shake them, it has to be a randomized destination code away from cookie VI or else the cookie monsters will find the cookie planet and gobble it up then no one will have cookie anymore!" spec said "ok this has officially gotten really weird" bob said The phantom flew through slipspace. "you think we lost them?" bob asked "i don't know, we are coming out of the jump now." the phantom glided out of slipspace the huge cookie monster ship right behind them. "o man we are doomed!!!" all of a sudden a blue ray shot through the cookie monster. "yay help!!!" spec yelled. the Cookie monster ship exploded sending chocolate chips and dough flying through space. A large triangle shaped ship came upon them "attention small craft, this is mace windu of the galactic republic prepare to be brought arbored out ship." a man said over the inter com "wait mace windu...where have i heared that before? o no.....weve crossed into the star wars universe!!!!!" spec screamed
chapter 14
The phantom glided toward the the triangle ship. Mace windu watched it " commander Vtrooper do you read?" mace asked "roger" vtrooper said. "prepare to breach set for stun, i want them alive" mace said
"wait, whats the star wars universe?" bob asked "its another galaxy, its right next to the marathon galaxy and the star trek galaxy, anywise you can get in alot of trouble for crossing galaxies, might mess up the trilogy" spec answered "what trilogy?" bob asked "well in the halo galaxy its the cannon and with this place its the trilogy, the timeline, and if you mess it up its punishable by death" spec said. the tears weld up in his eyes.
On the the other side of the phantom Vtrooper was setting the charge "alright *boom* go go go!!" the clone troopers charged in. Fred looked up "officers i swear to drunk I'm not god....wait what?" the clone trooper shot him in the face and stunned him. They started rummaging through the junk in the cockpit. Vtrooper picked up a food nipple "what the hell is this" spec busted from a cupboard and jumped on Vtrooper's head "MY FOOD NIPPLES MINE!!!!!!!" spec screamed "take him down!!!" Vtrooper said. Spec fell to the stun. "i detect three more occupants sir" a clone sgt said "roger i see them too, one on the bed,one on the hook, one in the bathroom move!!!!" Vtrooper ordered. the clones moved to the bed to find Tess passed out. The other group shot down Benny from the roof. The third group including Vtrooper moved to the bathroom. "alright open it up!" Vtrooper yelled. A clone brought up and shot gun and shot out the hinges, then he kicked down the door. Bob sat there on the toilet turned and saw 5 clones all aiming there guns at him "good thing I'm on the toilet cause i just craped myself" bob said. The clones fired a volley of stun fire into him, causing him to pass out. "alright take them to the brig" Vtrooper ordered. Two clones went to pick up bob "*sniff*man this guy wasn't kidding, he did crap himself!"
chapter 15
Bob opened his eyes, a blue translucent wall was the only light in the cell. He walked up to it and touched it sending him flying across the room next to spec. Spec turned his head to wards bob "yeah already tried that, hey look i have a new friend!!" spec said and held up a mouse....with three eyes "his name is bobby and he is my best friend and i love him!" spec said and cuddled the mutant rat. Tess started to wake up "hey breakfast!" she said and took the mouse and threw it into her mouth "BOBBY NOOOO!!!" spec jumped up to Tess and shoved his arm down her throat. He pulled out a beer bottle, a party hat, and beam rifle. Spec and bob looked at her "what? that was a crazy party last night" Tess said "no its not that, how the hell did you fit that down you gullet?" bob asked "easy no mouth duh I'm an elite for crying out loud" Tess said. They heard a long howling sound that made them jump "what was that?" Fred said just now awaking from his slumber. "it sounds like a blind wolf!" spec said in fear "blind wolfs don't exist bungie cut them from the halo trilogy" bob said. "who's bungie? whats this "halo trilogy?" spec said "they are the ones who made this universe and everything in it including us" bob continued "wait i thought god did that?" spec said "well yes but not this universe, its called reality were nothing like this ever happends!" bob said
***warning this comp and writer have been shut down for the moment by bungie we shall replace this last sentence with some of our own thank you and have a nice day waiting for halo wars to come out***
"It sounds like a blind wolf!" spec cried "yeah i know" bob said
***thank you, the writer is now back online, but remember junkee....we are watching***
"its coming closer!!!" Tess screamed.
the sound game closer, then closer. Then it came upon them, a huge creature with large teeth and drool coming don the side of its face. It roared loudly. "Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnggggggggggg you need a tic tac or somthing" fred said. A burst of blue hit the creatures back
"Cmon rancor time to head to your cell" a clone trooper with a stun gun aiming for the rancor said.the huge beast and the clone started to walk down the hall "wait...that roar sound like the noise we heared earlier, then what was it?" spec said. The large beast raised up its leg......and farted. "o god that was the sound we heared!" bob said. "omg im ganna hurl" tess said as she hurled all over the floor, a small furball laid there. "bobby!!!" spec said and ran up to his pet. The clone laughed "thank god i have this helmet on, it has its own air supplie"
chapter 16
deep in space a small blue furball hung to life in a space suit "cookie! COOKIE!!!" it screamed, but in space no one can hear you scream, unless you have a radio smart ones. On the other end of the brodcast "cookie? cookie!!!" finally the cookie monster floting in space said "bring in the barney squad"
Back on the rebublic cruiser spec was petting bobby, fred was sleeping, bob was banging his head into the wall tess was trying to get the beam rifle and benny was....wait.... "hey guys were is benny?" spec asked. "holy crap i just noticed that too" bob said" all of a sudden they heard foot steps coming towards the cell "hurry tess get the beam rifle ready" bob said. Vtrooper and two other clones came up to the cell "mace wishes to see you" one of the troopers said. the other clone looked at him "you stole my line!!!" he said "what?! no i didnt" the clone on the left said "yes you did i was supposed to say that and you were suposed to say "come with us"" the clone on the right said "well your mom fat!" the clone on the left said "we dont have moms dumbA$$" the right clone said. the two clones started to fist fight each other. "i swear i think they put somthing in the clones rations to make them more agressive, or stupider i dont know which" Vtrooper said as he shut of the door. "now!" bob said, tess pulled the trigger to the beam rifle....and nothing happened "what why didn't any plasma come out?" bob said. Tess looked at him "well what do you think we used to make popcorn durring the party" she said back. "shut up, get up, and follow me to the bridge before i kill you right here" Vtrooper said. they all got up and started to leave "the rat stays in the cell" Vtrooper said looking at the rat that spec was carrying. spec went back in the cell and let the little rat scamper out of his hands "now bobby ill be right back" spec said. he felt a hand grab the back of his enviorment suit and he was pulled out of the cell by Vtrooper.
"so we are just going to leave those troops there to fight?" fred said "yes thell get tired anywase, i mean they are clones they know each others moves, its very dull to watch clones of the same rank fighting each other because it always ends in a draw" Vtrooper said. the went up a elevator and made it to the bridge weree benny imadatly greeted them "hello friends" she said. "what!! we have to stay in a cramped stinky old cell and she gets to stay in the bridge!!" fred yelled " i wouln't complain captive, those were our fisrt class cells" Vtrooper wispered into fred ear. Mace walked up to them "why are you here? we know you come from a diffrent galaxy but why?" he asked "well why did you blow up the cookie monster ship and not us aswell" spec said. mace looked at the grunt and said "because, your ship was of unknow origin, but the ship following you these "cookie monster" ships have been here before" mace said looking out the window of the bridge. "the one you call "benny" has told us it was an accident and we belive her, so we have decided to let you return to your univere--" mace couldn't finish his sentence. 12 cookie monster ships flug out of slipspace
*knock on door"
me: o no its bungie i said somthing wrong again
*door flies open and stormtroops swarm in along with george lucas*
me: OMG!!! GEORGE LUCAS!!!!
lucas: *pistol whips me in the face* shut up and get your galaxys right!!!
*the stormtroopers shoot a messege into the wall and leave with george lucas*
me: *reading message* its hyperspace
12 ships flung from hyperspace. "reform the fleet hurry!" mace said. "why would they come back there are no cookies here!" spec said. "well actully i kinda used benny as a cookie jar" tess said. everyone looked at her "o crap we are doomed" spec said.
chapter 17
A huge piece of cooking dough slammed into the bridge knowing out some other the windows. The holes were filled with dough. an opening came out and a squad of cookie monsters came out. a clone trooper ran up and shot one of the monsters, another monster raised its weapon and fired turning the poor clone in a lifesize chocolate chip clone. the monsters jumped on the now edible clone and ate him. they turned and looked at mace and fired. mace pulled out his lightsaber just in time and blocked the shot, which turned out to be cookie dough. it cooked right on his lightsaber. spec walked up and broke a piece of it. "man that is some good chocolate!" he said "Vtrooper get the captives and take them to the hanger!" mace yelled "yes sir" Vtrooper said. As they left the bring they could see mace slicing off a cookie monsters arm. As they went down a hallway a squad of clones came up to them. "sir we are heading towards the bridge" the clone sergent said "no need mace has it covered we need to get these captives to their ship" Vtrooper said "yes sir" the sergent said. They proceeded down the hallway when they heared a noise, like somone singing "..i love you...you love me let be one big happy family" "what the hell is that?" a clone said. The roof caved in ontop of two clones. And there standing ontop of the rubble was a huge purple dinosaur, with drool dripping from the sides of its mouth. "omg they are bringing in the whole PBS lineup!!!" fred yelled. Two clones ran up and started shooting at the beast, it swung its arm sending one flying down another hall. The creature looked at the other one and grabed it and ripped of the troopers head. "allright i have seen enough!" freed yelled and pulled out an energy sword. "how the heck did he get that past security?" the clone sergent asked. Fred lept onto the cretures back and stab it through its skull, "wont you say you love...me ...too" were its last dying words.
They ran down a corridor and were about to get into the hanger when a large wave a cookie dough blocked the entrance. "well have to cut through the brig to get to the hanger now" Vtrooper said. They went down a elevator and ran down the cell block when spec jumped into one of the cells and grabbed bobby. they got to the end and were rounding a corner when they saw three purple dinosaurs coming down the hall. The creatures started coming at them slowly. Vtrooper took a minigun off a weapons rack and hefted it to his shoulders and fired till the barrel melted down. At the last possible second the rancor burst out of its cell and grabbed one of the monsters and swallowed it whole. the two other dinosaurs jumped onto it try to kill it. "move!" Vtrooper yelled. the ran under the rancors legs and ran into the hanger. "there is the phantom hurry!" spec yelled. A huge glob of cookie dough flew into the hanger and crashed in several fighters. Two more could be seen coming "get back inside the hallway!" Vtrooper said. He turned on a shield that covered the doorway. The two glops coverd the hanger door and filled it up with dough. they ran back to the brig were the rancor had fallen asleep after its meal. They though they were in the clear when a squad of cookie monsters walked over the rancor "COOKIES!!!" one of them screamed and pointed at Benny. They charged at the group when a loud crashing sound came behind them. A pelican flew in and used its chain gun to mow down the monsters. A hunter and a squad of EVA wearing Spartans jumped out of the hatch and finished of the survivors. "is that Carl?" Fred asked "omg it is!" spec said with glee. "get in" Carl yelled. "ill cya you later i guess, that is if we can take the ship back" Vtrooper said and reloaded his rifle. The pelican closed its hatch and flew down the hole it made. It flew down a large hallway and finally to an opposite hanger. IT flew out and the group could see the damage to the ship. Cookie dough covered almost all of it. But the battle in space was a different story. Cookie monster ships were exploding as move republic ships arrived. The pelican soared toward the UNSC frigate un dieing loyalty which turned for the halo galaxy and went into slipace/hyperspace
chapter 18
one week before
Carl sat on his chair watching his workers and noticed the three empty chairs. " hmmm gave them a three days on that vacation and its been two weeks!" carl said "they must be in some trouble and im ganna have to bail them out *sigh* carl press his intercom "yeah hey linda cancel all appointments and meetings for a week im heading on vaction" he said into the mike. He knew that if they ran into trouble on instalation 05, he was going to need help from the best. He got on his private frigate, the undieing loyalty, and took off to a place where he could find the best of the best, a place known as the palace. The palace was a huge space station floting from planet to planet where spartans and elites from a relm call xbox live, were flung into the halo univeres. Battle hardened from matchmaking they were a fortmidable foe. His frigate appoched the station. "um sir...they are asking for somthing called a gamertag.....do you know what that is?" a grunt named gek who comanded the comunications "just tell them im Bighunter422" carl told gek. The frigate passed by the patrolling longswords and landed in the hanger. "ill be at the bar, if im not back in 24 hours, find me back at earth...thats where i always seem to respwan" carl told gek. Carl walked down to the bar, where he towered over all he passed. In the bar hayabushas clanked cups with CQBs and EODs and rogues fought about whose eyes were bigger. An scout had walked up to a group of EVA who were sitting in a booth watching a movie inside their helmets. "EVA suck, you a big fat sniper targets you lightbulbs!" he said. The group leader stood up "did you just call me a lightbulb?!?" he asked "yeah and who are you?" the scout asked "im legendary halo, and i like to see you try to prove we are sniper targets" he said. The scout pulled out a sniper and aimed it towards legendarys head and fired. Legendary dodged the shot and shoved a magnum in the middle of the scouts visor. "now whos the big fat light bulb?" he said and kicked the scout in between the legs. He fell to the ground and crawled away. Carl walked up to the group "so...you guys want a job?" he asked
chapterr 19
The undieing loyalty floted outside the pallace "ugh.....its been only 15 hours and i want to leave now!" gek said. a elite named ratas walked up to him "why, the man isent here to spoil our party WOO HOO" he said, gek looked at him "because i have to monitor comunications just in case carl runs into trouble and all im getting is this" gek pressed a button and the inter come buzzed "NOOB i PWNED YOU NOOB *static* EVA SUCKS*more statice* OMG RECON!!! *more static*CAN I HAZ RECON? *viva la statica* "do you ever wonder why we are here?" because the big bang?" bowchicka bow wow" "no perv why are we standing here....when we can go talk to those pink ladies over there?" *static* "hey do you see those two green spatans over there? omg there coming over!!!" "too bad they dont know we are guys lol!" the intercom shut off. All of a sudden on the intercom came a transmission gek read it out loud "this is carl approching undieing loyalty and if i figured out you had a party....your butts are mine!!" gek looked at ratas. "ok i have two thing to do 1. change my underwear and 2. run around in circles!!!" ratas screamed at the top of his lungs and ran in circles....gek jumped up on him "calm down *ratas struggles* calm down *rtas screams* marry had a little lamb, its fleis was white as snow" gek said "i like sheep....great now im hungry!" gek jumped off him. "i have to initiate operation PARTY CRASHER SO WE DONT GET FIRED then we will be safe" gek said and pressed a button with a sad face on it alarms started to go off flasheing blue lights. the crew imadatly stoped and started burning the confetti and hiding the beer bottles. "anyone who is drunk throw them into the escape pods hell never look there" gek said over the intercom. The pelican landed. carl jumped off followed by legendary halo's squad. Carl sniffed the air "i smell beer and....*sniff* burnt confetti....they had a party and didn't tell me? o well better make this trip happy for them....for it will be their last BUAHAHAHAHAHAHA on this ship he he he"
chapter 20
The undieing loyalty flew out of slipspace near instilation 05. "sir im seeeing large mass of movement near the hotel, cant tell what alll of it is" rtas siad "allright ill take a pelican down with the EVAs cya in a bit" the pelican soared down toward the ring. The pelican landed and legendary halo was the first to get off followed by his second in command pops280, carl, and the rest of the EVAs. Strange bubble creatures were running around everywhere. One of the EVAs walked up to two of them and picked them up and put them to his chest "hey guys look i got boobs!!! haha!!" the soldier launghed "o god what are they doing...theyre digging into my chest!!! AHHH!" legendary halo took off his battle rifle and shot off the two creatures. pops walked up to the EVA who was on the ground bleeding. "im sorry maam but your going to need plastic surgery ha ha ha"
The group walked up to a diner where a small clown car sat there "hmmm strange" carl said. They walked into the diner and saw them....clowns.... sitting everywhere all smiling at them. "creepy...." pops said over the team com channel. they walked up to the bar. "hey um server can you come over here for a sec?" carl said. a elite in white armor walked up to them "o its you dug" carl said "yep i own the hotel and this diner, its hard to keep up with both" dug replied "listen dug about my workers i sent on vacation here about a week ago what happened to them?" carl asked. "well maybe if your willing to fork over some money? you might jog my memory" dug said "we dont have any money but how bout some hot lead" legendary said and pulled out a magnum. carl looked at him "sorry i had a redbull and some candy..it really gives you a kick" he said. "ok ok, a group of pirates came here a couple of days ago and looted their house, but they came out ok and said somthing about going to blueberry hill, thats all i know i swear" dug said. "all right, lets get going" carl said. pops took off his helmet and spit on the ground. all of a sudden the clowns smiles went to frowns "you think you can spiut on our turf?!?!" on of them said "what turf? who are you fighting for it?" carl asked "this is our turf on this part of the ring, and we are fighting for control of it from the....the.... mimes" another one said. "mimes? what could they possibly do?" pops said. just a second later an invisable truck with 6 mimes burst through the window of the diner. The mimes pulled out invisable guns and fired at the clowns cutting down two. The clowns pulled out ballons and made them into tommy guns and fired back. the mims started to put there hands in front of them. "they doing the wall manuver!!!" one of the clowns said. The bullets from the clowns gun bounced off the invisable wall. One clown looked at another and said "do it!!" the clown jumped up on a table and said "clown art: ballon animals of death!!" the clown made a few stange hand signals and thrusted his hands foward at the mimes. A thousand ballon animals from giraffes to dogs came out of no where a smashed into the wall. Serveral mimes flew back against the wall. One got into a stance like he was holding somthing over his shoulder "RPG!!!" one of the clowns screamed. Everyone ducked except carl "what? where!!" legendary tackeled carl right before the invisable rocket hit him. It crashed into the back of the diner and exploded. "how the heck did you see that coming?" carl asked "advanced sensors...see? its good to be a big fat sniper target"
chapter 21
the group jumped in the pelican and soured into the sky "that was close" carl said "close? have you ever played infection when the zombies have grav hammers....then you know the meaning of close" pops said.
They got on the loyalty and carl went to his quarters to think "bluberry hill is a month away from here...even in slipspace, they surlly didn't wouldn't go there if they wanted to keep their jobs....thats it!!!" carl pressed an button and spoke into the mike "rtas, i need to know of any pirate attacks in this area" he said. there was a pause "sir 4 MCjackals have been hit in the last week all done with the same phantom. reports say its gold with a skull on the front of it" rtas replied. "Prepare a pelican, we are on a pirate hunt
A pelican flew through space alone around the ring. Gek sat at the controlls"i dont understand why we are doing this" he said "because carl said he would give us a big bonus if we would and no one wanted to" rtas,who was sitting co-pilot, said "yeah everyone but you and you had to suck me in with you like you always do" gek replied. ALL of a sudden there was a ripple in space and a phantom emerged from active camo. "we have a gold phantom over" gek said in his mike. The phantom hovered over the pelican and a large pipe crashed into the roof of it caving it in. "this looks so wrong" gek said looking at his screen which was showing what was happening out side. "bow chicka bow wow" rtas said. a squad of 4 grunts slid down a gravity elevator into the pelican. "its too quiet" one of them said. The weopon lockers flew open and EVA troops emeged cornering the grunts."our needlers will cut down your troops before you can kill a single one of us now let us go!" one of the grunts said. "looks like we are at a stailmate" legendary halo said. "not entirely" carl said as he walked out of the shadows. a veiw screen lowed down and came on showing the pelican the phantomon top of it....and the long..um....pipe betweeen the two ships. "bow chicka bow wow" another grunts said a grunt beside him elbowed him in the side. "as you can see" a large frigate poped out of camo " you kill us, this frigate blows up you" carl said "for gods sake just give up please im beging you!!!" geks voice could be heared through the wall. "your in no room to negotiate" carl finished "neither can you" the leader grunt siad. a covenant battle ship emerged from camo. the two ships faced each other. "yeah....looks like we are at a stailmate" carl said
side capter
TOO ANYONE WHO STILL READS THIS IT HAS BEEN LOCKED!!!!!! NOOOOOO!!!! So idk if anyone has any ideas what to do with this please PM me!!!!