No, not the description, the layout. One character speaking right after another on the same line, with no distinction who it is or what enhancing emotion is present.

More than that, the tense is very disjointing - it's almost like a precognitive-tense. I could review this piece by piece, but it would take a very long time. I'm glad it's not on paper, I would loose blood by "bleeding*" all over the paper.

*Bleeding over the paper: A term used by some high school students, though it's more prevalent in a college atmosphere. It's a reference to a paper that has been heavily corrected with red ink, giving the image of having been bleed on.