JamesFletcher: My advice.
Develop a more sophisticated vocabulary, so that you can make good use of adjectives and adverbs, to make your story far more interresting and intruiging.
Also, give every single character life, a distinct personality, etc.
I'll try to throw on some more advice as your ff progresses.
I give it a 5.5 out of 10.
Lower quality FF.
wow those are big words for someone like you. i dont like useing sophisticted words to much. makes some people not understand what you mean. and i am not going to hold this advice for long.