A story without mood is like a cake without frosting. Mood is one of the vital things that this story lacked. Without the mood the story has a dull feel to it and the action scenes fall short of their expectations. One good way to set the mood is to have a great description of the setting, which was absent in this story. The fluidity of a story is also fundamental to make the story flow naturally. It was constantly hitting walls throughout the story. Try to find a way to make everything flow naturally and comfortably.

          Introduction of characters is also a very important part. Just listing the name of them does not cut it. The story would have been better without the list and just getting the information about the ODST survivors. Try to introduce characters slowly throughout the story; this way we get a better understanding of that individual person. This will also help with the fluidity problems present.

          Most of your paragraphs are just monsters. They are all bunched up together and there is no separation of thought. This is a huge turn off when reading any story. You want to have that separation to help you recuperate what you just read. In a huge paragraph like yours there is too much going on and it is hard to understand exactly what happened after you finish reading it.

          The chapters are also lacking substance. Each one is so short it seems like you can not get anything done. If you want to keep your chapters short make sure they are qualitative. You want your readers to get as much out of a chapter as they can, and retain what they just read. All I can really remember of chapter two is the Pelican was destroyed.

          Along with lacking substance, they are also lacking a definite thing which occurs during each chapter. You want to have the chapters all feel like a new part of the story. In your case it seems like all the chapters could be combined into a huge chapter one. It feels like you just stuck in different chapters, and added a corny attempt at a cliffhanger at the end.

          All in all it was an okay read. I would not recommend it but it does show potential. Your writing style however needs to be fixed. It does not have any mood in it at all and it all seems so boring. You want your readers to get lost in the emotion, to feel what the characters are feeling. You want them to feel excited when something exciting happens. Just work on these things and you will be fine.

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