This piece of fan fiction was hardly entertaining. It may just be my opinion but love stories never really grasped my full attention. I however went into this with an open mind, but sadly had to stop at the end of the prologue. To quote myself “It felt like more of a chore to read than entertainment.” The prologue had many character breaks, and confusing parts; most of them due to the sparse grammatical errors.

          As I got into the prologue I heard a fourth grade make a statement about Casanova. This is hardly what a person at his age would think about. I doubt if any fourth graders even know what Casanova is. His speech suggested he was more of an adult that a child. That seemed to be a reoccurring problem in the prologue.

          The main character also started to admit to himself that he was turning into a man. I don’t know about you but when I was young I never really admitted to myself I am a man now. I just knew.

          He was also talking like he was an adult as well. “You know, if you look at who I am today, then you never would have guessed that I was once full of youth, energy, and glee (Death Comes Swiftly – Prologue).” That makes no sense what so ever. He is still full of youth and energy. No idea about glee though. Why is this eight grader talking like he is an old man? He also uses words like digress. Again, what eight grader talks like this.

          Chucks understanding of love is also off. His understanding is again, one of an adult. Eight graders don’t know that much of love. Who taught it to him? Apparently his father is a marine who is always in orbit. It’s just rare and unusual that a kid that young would know this.

          From his thoughts he sounds like a prefect example of a love stricken nerd. I do not know if this was intentional, but it does not make much sense later on. Chuck gets in a fight with a guy named Brady. It came out of no where. Why does Brady not like Chuck? It came out of nowhere. Then Chuck, the person who sounds like a nerd starts to dominate over Brady in the fight. A person who knows so much about love does not seem capable of doing this.

          This new found strength sounds like the hook in the whole prologue. It came very late, and is not that strong. It did not grab my attention. It seemed accidental really. You really want to grab the readers and make them want to read more. It took me a while to get through this story because I lost interest so many times.

          Another character that is out of place is the Principal. I have never heard of one being impressed over a student mutilating another one. He also would have never just said, okay your off the hook because one kid said Brady started the fight, and you agreed. He would have wanted to hear the story from Chuck’s side. He would have never said, that’s good enough for me. The principle was obviously not well thought out.

          Chuck was a very dull character. His personality did not change at all over the course of nine years. He was still the same person. I know he was telling the story from an older age, but then it went right into first person. The remarks about love made it sound like Chuck was thinking of the exact same thing at that exact point in his life. That is what made him dull.

          There where also confusing parts in this story. The girl named Janet. Where did she even come from? Why did she owe Chuck a favor? That confused me and it felt like you deleted a paragraph and forgot to edit the rest.

          The whole father paragraph was confusing. This was mainly due to grammatical errors which made it hard to understand. His father was another dull character. He would have either been mad that his son almost got expelled, or proud that he stood up for himself. Not just satisfied.

          This prologue should have been chapter one. It was so long and did not really fulfill what a prologue is supposed to. It didn’t give you a glimpse at the back story; it gave you the entire back story. There was so much irrelevant information that made it almost pointless. You went into too much detail about the kid when he was young. I know you felt all of it was needed, but you could have generalized a little more.

          The prologue was dull itself. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. There was no emotion in it. There was no feeling. This is what makes a story great. You want to feel like a person is actually talking to you, pouring his heart and soul to you. This prologue however just made me want to fall asleep.

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