humorous halo thread!

Last post 11-03-2009, 11:26 AM by DFang. 13 replies.
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  •  11-02-2009, 11:20 AM 763797

    humorous halo thread!

     

     

    At the beginning of the Halo series, humanity had weapons that made the Covenant crap their pants. The standard UNSC pistol could be used as a freakin' anti-air weapon! The rocket launcher obliterated everything nearby, and the vehicles were completely indestructible.

    Meanwhile, the Covenant were equiping their highest ranking Elites with fuzzy blue things that did nothing but make the humans laugh, as they used bullets to kill enemies rather than fists.

    Then, the UNSC had a sudden urge to "balance" their equipment. They made it so the pistol couldn't kill a grunt, let alone a Covenant ship. They also made it so the vehicles were basicly fast-moving death traps that the enemy could now hijack. The only improvements were that the rocket laucher now fired rockets that could lock on to vehicles, and the UNSC finally saved up enough money to get every marine a driver's license.

    At the same time, the Covenant had upgraded their blue fuzzy things into something that resembled a sword, which could now allow the user to fly 50 feet towards any target they wanted. They also developed a weapon similar to the UNSC SPNKR, except the user could fire approx. 1 bajillion rounds before reloading.

    The UNSC then developed a weapon similar to the original stardard-issue pistol, but instead of making it standard issue, it was reserved for maniacs who enjoy getting launched from an orbital station into a city for a living.

    The Covenant then realized that marines were using the plasma pistol and BR55 together to kill shielded Covenant easier, so they did the only logical thing and made the plasma pistol completely useless.

    In order to combat Banshees in the absence of the pistol, the UNSC designed Hornets, a slower moving, hard to operate vehicle that was only semi-competent at killing infantry units.

    Not wanting to fall behind on the manufacturing of over-powered weapons that make no sense, the Covenant designed a seven foot tall hammer that could destroy any enemy with one hit. This weapon was of course down graded when the Covenant realized it was useful.

    Only with the help of the Elites with their retarded glowy things that are somehow enabled the user to fly towards enemies, was humanity able to survive.

    Weapons in the future suck.


    my account (my brother made the name)
    Tanmanksu1000

    My brothers acount i use
    Topgun1017
    27TS 1v1
    33TS 2v2 random
    15TS 3v3random
    ever seen me ingame send me a msg tell me how i did or how the match went! ;)
  •  11-02-2009, 12:59 PM 763851 in reply to 763797

    Re: humorous halo thread!

    saints:

    i found this in bungie.net forums an thought id share it with haloverse

     

    At the beginning of the Halo series, humanity had weapons that made the Covenant crap their pants. The standard UNSC pistol could be used as a freakin' anti-air weapon! The rocket launcher obliterated everything nearby, and the vehicles were completely indestructible.

    Meanwhile, the Covenant were equiping their highest ranking Elites with fuzzy blue things that did nothing but make the humans laugh, as they used bullets to kill enemies rather than fists.

    Then, the UNSC had a sudden urge to "balance" their equipment. They made it so the pistol couldn't kill a grunt, let alone a Covenant ship. They also made it so the vehicles were basicly fast-moving death traps that the enemy could now hijack. The only improvements were that the rocket laucher now fired rockets that could lock on to vehicles, and the UNSC finally saved up enough money to get every marine a driver's license.

    At the same time, the Covenant had upgraded their blue fuzzy things into something that resembled a sword, which could now allow the user to fly 50 feet towards any target they wanted. They also developed a weapon similar to the UNSC SPNKR, except the user could fire approx. 1 bajillion rounds before reloading.

    The UNSC then developed a weapon similar to the original stardard-issue pistol, but instead of making it standard issue, it was reserved for maniacs who enjoy getting launched from an orbital station into a city for a living.

    The Covenant then realized that marines were using the plasma pistol and BR55 together to kill shielded Covenant easier, so they did the only logical thing and made the plasma pistol completely useless.

    In order to combat Banshees in the absence of the pistol, the UNSC designed Hornets, a slower moving, hard to operate vehicle that was only semi-competent at killing infantry units.

    Not wanting to fall behind on the manufacturing of over-powered weapons that make no sense, the Covenant designed a seven foot tall hammer that could destroy any enemy with one hit. This weapon was of course down graded when the Covenant realized it was useful.

    The UNSC then decided that the rockets were overpowered and took away the lock on ability, and build a new weapon called the missile pod which is heavy and cant kill infantry well, and also cant kill anything that doesnt fly.

    Then the UNSC decided that they needed a faster car, so they built the mongoose, which allowed the user to die at high speeds while carrying a flag.

    in response, the covenant elites joined the UNSC as they were clearly better at making crappy weapons, and the brutes decided to get cool helmets and a backstory.

    the covenant also built and anti air wraith which was awsome, but to keep it frombeing OP, the covenant gave the keys to the dumbest brutes they could find an told them to not lead their shots and NEVER fire at infantry.

    Only with the help of the Elites with their retarded glowy things that are somehow enabled the user to fly towards enemies, was humanity able to survive.


    Weapons in the future suck.

     


    Aloysius:
    You hit a button and the Scarab turns into 20 Gauss Hogs.


    The Search Bar:
    I'm so cold and lonely, why won't you use me?


  •  11-02-2009, 1:04 PM 763852 in reply to 763851

    Re: humorous halo thread!

    good job jimandjim. excellent addition!!!
    Here is the Chain of Command.
    I tell you what to do.
    You do it.

    End of chain.
  •  11-02-2009, 2:17 PM 763879 in reply to 763851

    Re: humorous halo thread!

    This stuff reminds me a little of the MJOLNIR Mark VII and VIII. It's awesome.  

     


    Whenever a thread was hijacked and there were big quote boxes and lots of flame, I was there!

    Rank:Master Hijacker

    GT: I DFang I

    http://averagejoesgames.com
  •  11-02-2009, 2:23 PM 763884 in reply to 763852

    Re: humorous halo thread!

    You forgot to add that in the start, the shotgun served as a medium and close range weapon of choice.  But, in their attempt to make the game more even, they reduced the range from 30 yards to 3 feet and lowered the number of shells from 12 to 6.

    Also, whenever a skull was obtained in oddball or in the campaign, it was not a weapon that could kill armored Spartans and Elites with one punch.

    The Flood, the most annoying enemy as most people remember from playing the level The Library, were downgraded to that of a minor annoyance in Halo 3.  Instead of being able to withstand a dozen punches and bullets, they now fall apart at the slightest bump of a melee from a plasma pistol.  In an effort to create more enemies, the tank form was born.  Unfortunately for them, the new upgraded versions of Covenant fuzzy blue things could now kill them in one swipe.

  •  11-02-2009, 2:30 PM 763889 in reply to 763851

    Re: humorous halo thread!

    lol, I love this thread

    kiunk:
    go drown in a fire

  •  11-02-2009, 7:12 PM 764284 in reply to 763889

    Re: humorous halo thread!

    I've got another one-

    When the plasma pistol was first introduced, it made us think twice about charging out into the open.  It would stun you and actually do a lot of damage.  In Halo 2 it lost its stun ability but was still decent, but in Halo 3 it became the worst weapon in the game.  The green orb that emits from it now looks like a pitiful remnant of what it once was.  It becomes apparent that the brutes have such disregard for the grunts they equip them with weapons that have the stopping power of BB guns.  No wonder so many choose to run at you kamikaze style instead.

  •  11-02-2009, 8:33 PM 764386 in reply to 763879

    Re: humorous halo thread!

    This is hilarious.

    Aloysius:
    -Less than half a of percent of players have the General rank on Xbox Live.


    How is the General rank fair again?

    Halo Fanboys. The next most annoying thing next to Jonas Brothers fanboys.
  •  11-03-2009, 11:11 AM 764803 in reply to 764386

    Re: humorous halo thread!

    Korther:This is hilarious.
    \

     

    keep it going add more!!


    my account (my brother made the name)
    Tanmanksu1000

    My brothers acount i use
    Topgun1017
    27TS 1v1
    33TS 2v2 random
    15TS 3v3random
    ever seen me ingame send me a msg tell me how i did or how the match went! ;)
  •  11-03-2009, 11:18 AM 764804 in reply to 763889

    Re: humorous halo thread!

    I'm gonna try to dig the MJOLNIR MK XII and MJOLIR MK XII out of my internet cache :D
    Whenever a thread was hijacked and there were big quote boxes and lots of flame, I was there!

    Rank:Master Hijacker

    GT: I DFang I

    http://averagejoesgames.com
  •  11-03-2009, 11:19 AM 764806 in reply to 764803

    Re: humorous halo thread!

    This is now the third time this has been posted, I beg you... Stop?
    SPQR! An ambitious historical project, coming soon. Check the Library for early version test writes. Recommended for anyone with a love of history.
  •  11-03-2009, 11:21 AM 764809 in reply to 764806

    Re: humorous halo thread!

    Offensive Bias:This is now the third time this has been posted, I beg you... Stop?

    That was the 2nd...

    Hey, you were around back then, do you remember that? 


    Whenever a thread was hijacked and there were big quote boxes and lots of flame, I was there!

    Rank:Master Hijacker

    GT: I DFang I

    http://averagejoesgames.com
  •  11-03-2009, 11:22 AM 764811 in reply to 764809

    Re: humorous halo thread!

    Sadly... No. I didn't join until May 08, could have been a while before then it came up.
    SPQR! An ambitious historical project, coming soon. Check the Library for early version test writes. Recommended for anyone with a love of history.
  •  11-03-2009, 11:26 AM 764814 in reply to 764811

    Re: humorous halo thread!

    It was hilarious....Except my internet cache doesn't go back that far so I can't find it.  :(
    Whenever a thread was hijacked and there were big quote boxes and lots of flame, I was there!

    Rank:Master Hijacker

    GT: I DFang I

    http://averagejoesgames.com
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