Holy Christ! Let me start by saying something I never say... THIS STORY F*CKING ROCKS! Now that's out of my system, let me delve deeper into that statement.
1. The small addition of this being a game you would like to make, has encouraged me to look deeper into the elements and creations of your story. Giving you this very creative feel here.
2. The ideas are brilliant, the space kingdom, the tryannical king, the ex soldier turned revolutionary. Excellent, all of them. Just thinking about doing some of this stuff in game form is a driving force behind this story.
3. The originality. For once, we get something about Space and the future technology, without it being halo related. Kudos to you!
4. Plot is just amazing.
5. Character names are good, and suit the space age well :)
6. The mystery. How is it that this king came to live for a thousand years? Why he no die?
7. The description, in this, you never dissapoint your fan base. (Me and three randoms :p)
8. It's written by TMspartan? HELLO!?
And that's all :)
SPQR! An ambitious historical project, coming soon. Check the Library for early version test writes. Recommended for anyone with a love of history.