The army of four (FF)

Last post 07-08-2009, 6:41 AM by darkbelg. 10 replies.
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  •  06-28-2009, 6:02 PM 637478

    The army of four (FF)

    This is my first FF  i don't know if it's good ore bad just say something.
    If it's good i will continue this one.

     

     

    pronologue

     

    Hi, my name is Bob and this is my story.

     

    ‘Sergeantsir,do you know where i can find sergeant Duke’ :said I.

    ‘Well son your lucky.I’m seargent Duke. Who are you ?’ : said Duke.

    ‘I’m the new recruit sir. I’m Bob’ said I.

    The sergeant was a big man with the additional scars.

    ‘Well,welcometo the Belgrades. Come on Bob grab your Gear and follow me to your new home.’:said Duke:

     

    Moments later.

     

    ‘Wel Bob this is your room.You will share it with three other members of the squad.Right now i will leave you here to unpack your gear. If you wan’t something to eat here’s a map from the ship.Don’t loos it ore you will loose your way in this ship.’ : said Duke

    So he lef tand I started to unpack my “gear”.

     

    A Quarter later 3 men enter the room.

     

    ‘Hey,whoare you ?’ : said Jack.

    ‘I’m the new recruit,Bob.’: said I.

    ‘Welcome Bob’:said Chuck.

    ‘And you guys are ?’said I.

    ‘I’mChuck.This is Jack and that is Chriss he doesn’t talk much.’:said Chuck.

    They where as tall as me, Jack had blonde hair,Chuck had a picture of warthog in his hair and Chris had a scar near his mouth.

     

    A day later I asked Jack how far belgrada was. He said it was 5 more days in slipstreamspace.

     

    5 Days later we jumped  out of slipstream. Not a minute later code red goes off. I rush to my room and i see that the other three are already their. I grab my equipment and follow them. When we are running to our post we feel a shock going trough the ship that nocks us on theground. We get back up and run to our post. Then alarm purple goes off.

    I shout‘What the hell is code purple ?’

    Chuck answers’ You don’t know what it means. It means abanden ship.’

    ‘What about the AI’: said I.

    ‘It’s alway’s destroyed when code purple goes off.’: said Jack.

    Now we are running trough the ship towards the life pods. We arrive at the life pods but they are alreaddy gone.

    ‘what’s that red light.’ :said Chriss.

    Wow he fainelly spoke after so many days.

    ‘Ow no weare entering the atmosphere’: said Jack.

    ‘what do we do now’ :said I.

    ‘I have a plan, follow me.’ : said Chuck.

    So we followd him to the hanger bay.

    ‘Is their any one of us who can fly a Pelican ?’ : said Chuck.

    No one could but Jack said : ‘ I can drive a warthog.’

    ‘What ar you insane.’ Said I.

    ‘No it maight work. If whe are close enough to the ground and we land in the water well be fine.’: said Jack.

    ‘Alright let’s do it.’:said Chriss.

    So we jumpped in a warthog.

    ‘Alright guys put on your safety belts’:said Jack.

    ‘This is a warthog ! This thing doesn’t have safety belts!’:said Chuck.

    ‘Ow, then grab on to something. Because we are getting of this ship.’:said Jack.

    So we drove of the ship into the unknown.

     


    (c)2010
  •  06-28-2009, 6:17 PM 637521 in reply to 637478

    Re: The army of four (FF)

    Some spacing between words is needed, and more detail would be nice, but overall good story.
    "Die?"Kurt laughed."Didn't you know?"he told the Elite. "...Spartans never die."
  •  06-28-2009, 7:29 PM 637709 in reply to 637521

    Re: The army of four (FF)

    Hey Belg, good to see a fellow 08'er here with us. Can I ask you a question? Sorry if you get offended but, what country are you from?
    SPQR! An ambitious historical project, coming soon. Check the Library for early version test writes. Recommended for anyone with a love of history.
  •  06-28-2009, 7:54 PM 637791 in reply to 637709

    Re: The army of four (FF)

    It's unfortunate but the Library is a desolate place, only a few abandoned FFs remain, no one reads and no one writes. It is the end of a once great community. So it's terrible you wrote this now, because very few people will read it aside from the FF enthusiasts, and even fewer will comment.
    "Die?"Kurt laughed."Didn't you know?"he told the Elite. "...Spartans never die."
  •  06-29-2009, 2:45 AM 638111 in reply to 637709

    Re: The army of four (FF)

    Offensive Bias:Hey Belg, good to see a fellow 08'er here with us. Can I ask you a question? Sorry if you get offended but, what country are you from?

    yes i am from belguim


    (c)2010
  •  06-29-2009, 2:51 AM 638114 in reply to 638111

    Re: The army of four (FF)

    It doesn't seem like English was your mother tongue. But hey, at least you can speak it well enough.  Thank you for learning our language!
    SPQR! An ambitious historical project, coming soon. Check the Library for early version test writes. Recommended for anyone with a love of history.
  •  06-29-2009, 3:02 AM 638117 in reply to 637521

    Re: The army of four (FF)

    tmspartan:Some spacing between words is needed, and more detail would be nice, but overall good story.

    yea that's a problemm. But i don't know how it happend. When i copied it it was fine. But when i started to read . I saw that some spaces where deleted.


    (c)2010
  •  06-29-2009, 7:54 AM 638292 in reply to 638117

    Re: The army of four (FF)

    not a bad start, but you should clean up your grammer and maybe take out the part of hi, im bob and this is my story, bob is a generic name and so is "and this is my story".

    By the way if people on this forum want to breathe new life on the library then go to teamindesicive and post in the site suggestions for a library, it is pending right now but with more people wanting one they will add one and more poeple will get into it sense the community is a lot nicer than here.

    http://www.teamindecisive.ca/


    GT: EverCuteKitty
    1v1-front page (random all)
    2v2-front page (anders)
    3v3-top 50 (random UNSC)


  •  06-29-2009, 10:54 AM 638444 in reply to 638292

    Re: The army of four (FF)

    i did not read it all but so far so good
    American railroads.....killing hobos scince 1826
  •  06-29-2009, 10:58 AM 638451 in reply to 638111

    Re: The army of four (FF)

     i love the internet you can met people from unknown countires (just kiding i know were belguim is)
    American railroads.....killing hobos scince 1826
  •  07-08-2009, 6:41 AM 647867 in reply to 638451

    Re: The army of four (FF)

    so can i right another chapter ore is the story just to bad ?
    (c)2010
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