(FF) Volvo's service: fall of the elites

Last post 01-20-2009, 7:43 PM by eliteempire. 136 replies.
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  •  11-25-2008, 5:25 PM 411548 in reply to 411537

    Re: (FF) Volvo's service fall of the elites

    jackhammerfish:
    great chapter gripping as always well i took out the rocket noob im happy but from the fire into thr frying pan yay

    lol I thought you would like that part :) dont worry you werent killed from the crash


    "Intiating directive 7395: DESTROY ALL COMMUNNISTS!"
    "Communsim is the very definition of failure!"
    "Better dead then Red!"
    "Liberty Prime online. Weapons are hot. Objective: To liberate Alaska and destory any and all red chinese communists!"
  •  11-25-2008, 5:28 PM 411561 in reply to 411548

    Re: (FF) Volvo's service fall of the elites

    yay and i hope to save vae vaes life at some point to repay the debt that he risked his life for me :P

    i like the idea of getting people to invent characters because it expands on the invetiveness ok make a limited amount of slots but if u write another nxt tiem i would like to be a hunter


    http://www.fallenearthrpg.com?x=11281
  •  11-25-2008, 5:36 PM 411587 in reply to 411561

    Re: (FF) Volvo's service fall of the elites

    yay Yae Yae saved somebody now thats what i call

    GRUNT - BROTHELY LOVE


    " I stay here until all others have gone. I will make sure I am the last one to be here. And when I am, I shall make a thread. A memorial thread. And I shall leave these forums behind. " - Offensive Bias
  •  11-25-2008, 5:37 PM 411590 in reply to 411587

    Re: (FF) Volvo's service fall of the elites

    hell yh grunts with no fear thats what will come nxt they will help the elites and rebel against the brutes and they will win :p

    http://www.fallenearthrpg.com?x=11281
  •  11-25-2008, 9:55 PM 411933 in reply to 411590

    Re: (FF) Volvo's service fall of the elites

    hey yam head dos Yae Yae still have hes flue rod
    " I stay here until all others have gone. I will make sure I am the last one to be here. And when I am, I shall make a thread. A memorial thread. And I shall leave these forums behind. " - Offensive Bias
  •  11-26-2008, 1:29 PM 412186 in reply to 411933

    Re: (FF) Volvo's service fall of the elites

    Yeah, he still has his fuel rod.
    "Intiating directive 7395: DESTROY ALL COMMUNNISTS!"
    "Communsim is the very definition of failure!"
    "Better dead then Red!"
    "Liberty Prime online. Weapons are hot. Objective: To liberate Alaska and destory any and all red chinese communists!"
  •  11-26-2008, 1:46 PM 412190 in reply to 412186

    Re: (FF) Volvo's service fall of the elites

    yam head just so you known http://halo.wikia.com/wiki/Grunt_Ultra and http://halo.wikia.com/wiki/Special_Operations_Grunt are different

    but keep my guy a hes rakn its badas* when he save's somebody oh and thanks again for thoughing my guy in there


    " I stay here until all others have gone. I will make sure I am the last one to be here. And when I am, I shall make a thread. A memorial thread. And I shall leave these forums behind. " - Offensive Bias
  •  11-26-2008, 1:48 PM 412192 in reply to 412190

    Re: (FF) Volvo's service fall of the elites

    Ok, I well one guys a spec ops while the other one is the deacon. I think I had to make you the grunt deacon.
    "Intiating directive 7395: DESTROY ALL COMMUNNISTS!"
    "Communsim is the very definition of failure!"
    "Better dead then Red!"
    "Liberty Prime online. Weapons are hot. Objective: To liberate Alaska and destory any and all red chinese communists!"
  •  11-26-2008, 2:35 PM 412215 in reply to 412192

    Re: (FF) Volvo's service fall of the elites

    sorry i think it was my post that caused you to be the deacon i didnt realize there was a differece to the ultra from th spec ops sorry

    http://www.fallenearthrpg.com?x=11281
  •  11-26-2008, 3:49 PM 412261 in reply to 412215

    Re: (FF) Volvo's service fall of the elites

    i dont care i just wanted to say there 2 different things in case of a noob came on here or a flamer so they would't be losted also i found it very nice that a deacon would be getting hes hands dirty where as he could of be up at the ship
    " I stay here until all others have gone. I will make sure I am the last one to be here. And when I am, I shall make a thread. A memorial thread. And I shall leave these forums behind. " - Offensive Bias
  •  11-26-2008, 5:50 PM 412376 in reply to 394307

    Re: (FF) Volvo's service fall of the elites

    Good work again, Yam. This has lived up to your last fic's legacy.

    There were a few errors.

    Prologue

    1. Remember, if you have 'he said' or something similar after a bit of speech, end it with a comma, not a full stop.

    2. an even more sacred look...  Should sacred be scared?

    3. "I will bring this up in the meeting I am on my way to."  There's nothing wrong with this sentence, but I think that it could be worded better. Perhaps something along the lines of: "I am on my way to a meeting. I will bring it up there."  You don't have to change it, just a suggestion.

    4. We want all Shipmaster's...  There's no need for an apostrophe in Shipmasters.

    Chapter 1

    1. of a near bye spectre...  near bye should be nearby.

    2. Malak's shoot connected to a near bye sentinel...  shoot should probably be shooting. And once again near bye should be nearby.

    3. The spectre moved on to a new battle field. A battle raging between flood and sentinel forces.  You should connect these two sentences. Replace the full stop after battlefield with a semicolon (;).

    4. Volvo laughed at the flood efforts, the parasite was even working together. Instead just using the most pathetic formations and attempts to board he's ever seen.  Replace the full stop at the end of the first sentence with a comma. Also, replace he's with he'd.

    Chapter 2

    1. Every bit of speech needs puncuation. The first bit of speech in this chapter didn't. End it with a comma.

    2. That doest give...  doest should be doesn't.

    3. You need space between paragraphs where you switched from the ship to the ground battle. You've got them connected, which is rather confusing.

    4. "It won't be the first time,"  Should first be last?

    Chapter 3

    1. if you cant retrieve...  cant should be can't.

    2. Neco voice rang out...  Neco should be Neco's.

    3. how to use on of those...  on should be one.

    4. Who's was this anyway...  who's should be whose.

    5. leader ill ever be...  ill should be I'll.

    6. Punch threw enemy armor...  threw should be through.

    7. ill help the others...  ill should be I'll.

    Good work, keep it up.


    Officialy offline as of April 4 Australian time.
  •  11-26-2008, 6:35 PM 412445 in reply to 412376

    Re: (FF) Volvo's service fall of the elites

    Thanks, ill fix those on friday.
    "Intiating directive 7395: DESTROY ALL COMMUNNISTS!"
    "Communsim is the very definition of failure!"
    "Better dead then Red!"
    "Liberty Prime online. Weapons are hot. Objective: To liberate Alaska and destory any and all red chinese communists!"
  •  12-01-2008, 4:09 PM 415361 in reply to 412445

    Re: (FF) Volvo's service fall of the elites

    hows the next chapter coming along?just wondered


    http://www.fallenearthrpg.com?x=11281
  •  12-03-2008, 9:57 AM 416493 in reply to 415361

    Re: (FF) Volvo's service fall of the elites

    I have a bad cold at the moment. Gonna go back to school tomorrow catch up on home work and then write a chapter.
    "Intiating directive 7395: DESTROY ALL COMMUNNISTS!"
    "Communsim is the very definition of failure!"
    "Better dead then Red!"
    "Liberty Prime online. Weapons are hot. Objective: To liberate Alaska and destory any and all red chinese communists!"
  •  12-14-2008, 4:25 AM 424688 in reply to 416493

    Re: (FF) Volvo's service fall of the elites

    it hsa bn a while i hopeur over the cold now how is the chapter coming along btw?

    http://www.fallenearthrpg.com?x=11281
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