sry if this is spamish but how do u do that triple qute maggiger 

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VIVA LA FAMILIA

wanna see somthing funny read through the first two pages of this thread http://halowars.com/forums/thread/318933.aspx

Arby: Soldato for the Corleone's:

sry if this is spamish but how do u do that triple qute maggiger 

you do

[*quote user="insert name here"]the text they're saying[/quote*] 

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shite to complicated for me

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VIVA LA FAMILIA

wanna see somthing funny read through the first two pages of this thread http://halowars.com/forums/thread/318933.aspx

i like the part the last part.

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Lethe:

What if we had a game where 2 different sides of units engaged each other in some form of military conflict?

That'd be awesome.

what if Halo Wars had that?

high tall:

i like the part the last part.

thanks

are the descriptions good?

i tried to improve them this chap 

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Mr. Bacon:

The second one however returned fire in a huge spay of bullets, which shattered the break lights of the hog narrowly missing my legs.

Ø  ‘Spay’ is supposed to be ‘spray’.

Ø  ‘Break’ is supposed to be ‘brake’. 

Superb terminology, use of grammar and spelling excluding those two faults I discovered.

It was a tad petite and the paragraphs could have skipped the diet and begun on the big mac, but the descriptive scenes made up for this lack of quantity.

Some sentences could have been drawn out more and things like the weather (wind, rain, hail, cold, heat, slick mud,) could have been more prominent throughout this chapter.

What is most prevalent however is your characters, they're more unique then as of before and you have taken down their pretense and enlightened us (audience) to their true personalities and shortcomings.

Dramatically this chapter has evolved, having no impediments to my reading through this chapter (some exceptions) was pure bliss, the end was a bit abrupt however, a good mix and formula of both quantity and quality is paramount, keep that in kind.

Lewis is more emulative to my expectations everyday and his friend Frankie is no different, once the finish came I cackled in amusement as their warthog ran out of fuel. Brilliant comical humour, not too much nor too little.

You could have had Mary more involved in the chapter, try to give all the characters a place and good amount of script, so you should have done such with Mary instead of giving her the two liner. Either way both her two liners were enjoyable.

Should have had a larger chapter.

This chapter is 8/10.

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nice work! keep it up!

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<a href="http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=viewImage&friendID=59162196&albumID=544081&imageID=35494670"><img src="http://hotlink.myspacecdn.com/images01/124/a907748a79a26b7c1f31967b71825f25/m.gif" alt="this is me when im mean" /></a>

Recommended

Plot 8/10: Silent Knights, a betraying father, Civil war after Covenant War….very original, nice.

Characters 7/10: You did pretty well with characters, they lacked emotion at times and so they were marked down, but at least emotion was there for the most-part.

Setting 6/10: I found a few settings like snow, artillery, etc. But they weren’t put in very deeply, just remember: the reader does care about environment and time.

Spelling 8/10: I was impressed deeply by spelling, it wasn’t perfect, but it had few enough errors to not be a problem.

Grammar 5/10: The main problem in your grammar was with quotation and punctuation, you would make new quotation marks for the same person talking, but in a different sentence. You don’t need it for every sentence, just for every time a new person talks.

Hook 4/10: There really wasn’t a strong hook in this story…well, at least, not for me. I wasn’t interested at the first and it took a few more chapters to get me into the story…which shouldn’t happen, I know it’s too late to change that, but just keep it in mind.

Descriptions 6/10: There were few descriptions, and they didn’t go into detail very well, just try to describe the armor, weapons, emotions, and appearances.

Originality 17/20: Original story, characters, the likes, you know what I mean.

Canon 5/5: Not much can be said. It followed canon. Lol

Entertainment: 3/5 It kept me fairly entertained throughout the story.

Total: 70/100

Star Rating: 3 ½

Personal Summary:

            Private Lewis is a fan-fic that is turning out pretty well, I’m impressed. It left me wanting more (a few chapters in). I can tell it is obviously not done, and the coming chapters could improve a lot over their predecessors, but there isn’t much to say.

            You’re grammar could use some work, quotation marks and punctuation is the main thing that needs improvement, that was the main thing distracting me from the actual story.

            Like I stated before the characters also lacked emotion at times, remember, human not robot, they have emotions and a big way they express them: dialogue.

            Overall, this was a well written story…I’m looking forward to how this will turn out. I wish you the best of luck!

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Chuckles

Anyone else here getting sick of tiny two-word posts that become huge because of the O.G. picture?

Plot 8/10: You did a great job with the betraying father. Excellent choice

Characters 8/10: Again the betraying father and the other characters were a good choice. Next time just describe them a little more

Setting 8/10: The setting out of your story was excellent Mr Bacon. I think you will become a great fanfic writer.

Spelling: 9/10: This was probably one of the best highlights of your fanfic. Spelling is great and well presented

Grammar 7/10: There were a few grammar problems in there where you forgot quotation marks for when some of the characters were speaking. Punctuation seems to be good though

Hook 7/10: Again the hook in your story could use a little bit of work but like Chuckles said it was a little confusing at the start

Description 7/10: Descriptions of Characters need to be improved in the next fanfic. I would like to see you give us a bit of background on the characters next time.

Originality: 18/20: Good story, characters and knowing what you want

Overall my star rating 4

****  Great work Mr Bacon.

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I stand proud and dominant in the heat of a battle.

well i told you i would read it mr bacon. it is very good. thats all im saying

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SPQR! An ambitious historical project, coming soon. Check the Library for early version test writes. Recommended for anyone with a love of history.