Captain Cazador- Soldato:

Mr. Bacon:

you should read Hunted

Come on, that wasn't even in the top three fan fics on the site.

sooo..... 

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Mr. Bacon:

Captain Cazador- Soldato:

Mr. Bacon:

you should read Hunted

Come on, that wasn't even in the top three fan fics on the site.

sooo..... 

So at least recommend to him one of the best fics on the site, like Defense of Humanity or Rise of the Flood by jeteye1. Oh, wait, he's been on the site before...recommend one of Don's, maybe.

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Officialy offline as of April 4 Australian time.

Captain Cazador- Soldato:

So at least recommend to him one of the best fics on the site, like Defense of Humanity or Rise of the Flood by jeteye1. Oh, wait, he's been on the site before...recommend one of Don's, maybe.

fine

Read

Defense of Humanity (its pretty much like reading a halo novel)

Caba's Journey (a mixture of grunt racism and the mafia  which is fun for the whole family)

Hunted (cause Bacon said so)

 

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o got to chap 5 some good stuff there and i noticed its 23 chaps so im ill read some more tomorrow

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Remember The Fight

Thanks Civ Base
clickhere
and if your a noob click here

                        Review of 'Private Lewis'

                                                  By 2nd Lt. Kyle Bradley

1. Spelling- 5
2. Grammar- 5

No noticable Spelling and Grammer mistakes.

3. Storyline-9

The story line shows basic training and a first engagement which give the story depth. At points it strays off, but only to give greater depth of the main character and his Father's experiance with each other in eariler years. Also reason for High score is amount of chapters the author has typed.

4. Canon-9

 There is not enough known during this period to know what advancements in technology took place and alliances may have shifted. Due to lack of intelligence in the period after the Human-Covenant, this is entirely possible

5. Characters-7

There is a moderate amount of characters that are involved in the story and are involved in the story very well.

6. Personality- 9

Main character stays himself throughout the story and also expresses past experiances with his father. Characters get off topic at least once but is not a major concern for the story.

7. Desciptions- 6

Desciptions of people, places, etc. are medium  and descriptions in action scenes are more detailed

Total-47

Rating- Great Read

 End of review. (Hope you like it,Mr. Bacon)

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In my times, the darkened days,
Evil invaded the world.
We farmers,
We workers of the Red Union,
We united and slaughtered them all.
The brave soul,
Above the evil,
Planted our inspiration atop their burning cities.
- Ruski

remember reviewing FF isn't about making the writer happy its about "highlighting" the mistakes so the writers can fix them

 

now to the review

i would have to say i don't deserve as much praise as you gave me, but i appreciate that you thought it was a "Great Read" even though i think it good be way better.

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The hope you like it, Mr Bacon was not trying to flatter you, it was to get your attention.

 You may have Mr. Gernade , Spartan15, Or Captian Sol (And whatever the rest of his name is) review it now if they recieve a notice from you or me.

Thank you for your time.

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In my times, the darkened days,
Evil invaded the world.
We farmers,
We workers of the Red Union,
We united and slaughtered them all.
The brave soul,
Above the evil,
Planted our inspiration atop their burning cities.
- Ruski

Okay, good old full story review.

Spelling-4

I didn't see any spelling errors, and I was too lazy to check all of my chapter reviews to see if I saw any. However, I put a 4 just in case.

Grammar-4

There were a couple of grammatical errors. An example is in the scene with the instructor at the start, the instructor was talking and you seperated each sentence with speech marks. Earlier on in the story you also did bits of speech with no punctuation marks other than speech marks. However, in the later chapters, there were few, if any, grammatical errors.

Storyline-9

The story has a rather good storyline, and I'm looking forward to seeing where it will lead.

Canon-10

Since this is five years after the War, I can't give you many marks when it comes to canon, except for in the use of vehicles, which was accurate.

Characters-10

Each character has their set part in the story and none are simply used to show the same event multiple times. I especially liked the way Lewis' father's character was developed. (lol, that's what I call bias)

Personality-10

The personality of each character is different, they're not all mindless robots using the same way of talking. You don't have every character talking in formal military terms or unprofessional language, they all have their own ways of talking.

Descriptions-5

The descriptions could be done better in the story. While it is not neccessary to drown the reader in the details of an area, you need to have enough for the reader to have a clear picture of the characters' surroundings.

Overall-52-Incredible

This is starting to get repetitive. Maybe I should start being more harsh in my marking. But good work, Bacon.

 

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Officialy offline as of April 4 Australian time.

I actually liked the story.

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xbox Live Gamertag = SBDassassin21

Mr. Bacon, I am truly impressed.  Unlike most, I have actually had to read the entire story before I could find a single thing wrong.  Your spelling is flawless, your gramar superb and your plot in-depth, your entire story was beautifuly written.

I have to say, I utterly enjoyed this wonderfull fan-fic, so now I shall place my reveiw and suggestions:

Reveiw:

Gramar: 5/5

(There are no gramatical issues within this fan-fic)

Spelling: 5/5

(There are no spelling errors in this fan-fic)

Plot: 4.5/5

Overall a fantastic plot, the last 0.5 points will be rewarded once "Private Lewis" is completed)

Suggestions:

Well, you seem to have incorperated all but one of my suggestion...sticky...things, which does not allow for begining two sentences with the same letter and/or word (in a row.)  Although you did not derectly violate this rule, these sentences can be improved by using a synonym for room, such as cell.

  "“Hope you like your new room,” said one of the rebels as he pushed us into the cold poorly lit room. He then slammed the door shut." - Private Lewis, chapter 11.

I beleive adding synonyms instead of repeating the same word twice gives fan-fics (and all types of prose for that matter) a little spice, and makes them more exciting, like this:

  “Hope you like your new room,” said one of the rebels as he pushed us into the cold poorly lit room cell. He then slammed the door shut.

Other than that, your fan-fic was a fantastic read, and I highly recomend it.

                                                                                                                                                   

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wow two good reviews

i'll try to take what you have all said and keep that in mind when i'm writing my next chapter 

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umm....hmm... i wonder if people still remember mine....

Well anyways Chapter 13 is up 

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Good chapter, Bacon. I'd just like to point out that a single 50mm (5cm) bullet would completely decapitate the driver and keep going. Let alone three... :)

Only one error that I saw:

"It flipped in the air and landed in pile of burning slag." It should be "a pile of burning slag."

Sorry. I only saw it while I was typing up some random stuff about an error free chapter.

Good work, Bacon. Keep it up.

 

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Officialy offline as of April 4 Australian time.

Captain Cazador- Soldato:

Good chapter, Bacon. I'd just like to point out that a single 50mm (5cm) bullet would completely decapitate the driver and keep going. Let alone three... :)

I know but "a trio" sounds way cooler then "a single" 

Captain Cazador- Soldato:

Only one error that I saw:

"It flipped in the air and landed in pile of burning slag." It should be "a pile of burning slag."

Sorry. I only saw it while I was typing up some random stuff about an error free chapter.

oh well maybe next chap 

Captain Cazador- Soldato:

Good work, Bacon. Keep it up.

will do 

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Mr. Bacon:

I know but "a trio" sounds way cooler then "a single"

That it does.

Mr. Bacon:

oh well maybe next chap

Indeed. There's a good chance of that happening.

Mr. Bacon:

will do

Good.

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Officialy offline as of April 4 Australian time.