(FF) The Great War 2.0

Last post 01-16-2009, 11:45 PM by blazingsage2. 158 replies.
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  •  06-26-2008, 10:55 PM 276070 in reply to 255446

    Re: (FF) The Great War 2.0

    Good chapter, Don. Adding in the Elite character and extending the battle made this chapter much better than the original one.

    The only errors I saw were minor wording errors, meaning the wrong word in the wrong place, but it was only once or twice and easily missed.

    Good work, Don. Keep it up.


    Officialy offline as of April 4 Australian time.
  •  06-26-2008, 11:04 PM 276091 in reply to 276070

    Re: (FF) The Great War 2.0

    Thx Capn :D
    [url=http://www.halowars.com/forums/thread/255446.aspx]The Great War[/url]Ch.5 is up
    [url=http://www.halowars.com/forums/224551/ShowThread.aspx#224551]Caba's Journey[/url]Done
    2
  •  06-26-2008, 11:10 PM 276105 in reply to 276091

    Re: (FF) The Great War 2.0

    Don Corleone:
    Thx Capn :D

    No problem, you deserve it.


    Officialy offline as of April 4 Australian time.
  •  06-26-2008, 11:11 PM 276111 in reply to 276105

    Re: (FF) The Great War 2.0

    Actually.....

    IF anyone sees a mistake plz do tell me about it.Even if it is small i would appreciate it thx :D


    [url=http://www.halowars.com/forums/thread/255446.aspx]The Great War[/url]Ch.5 is up
    [url=http://www.halowars.com/forums/224551/ShowThread.aspx#224551]Caba's Journey[/url]Done
    2
  •  06-26-2008, 11:48 PM 276176 in reply to 255446

    Re: (FF) The Great War 2.0

    Well, Don, here's the full story review you asked for.

    Spelling-4

    There were few spelling errors, none major.

    Grammar-4

    There were a few occasional grammatical errors that I mentioned in earlier posts.

    Storyline-9

    The story has an excellent story line, the only reason I didn't give it a 10 is because the overall concept of alien invasions during WW2 has, in my opinion, been used way too much. However, you are making this storyline rather engrossing.

    Canon-10

    Now, obviously I can't rate this bit on its place during the 2552 War, so this is all about the weapons effects and species interaction which, as far as I can tell, all seems perfect canon-wise.

    Characters-10

    The characters are all well thought out and have their own places in the story. They are not simply used to reinforce the same event occuring multiple times.

    Personality-9

    Each character has their personal traits and ways of speaking, which is good. What is even better is that you kept each character's ways of speaking consistent throughout all five chapters, which is difficult to do.

    Descriptions-7

    You did well describing the characters' surroundings, although you could improve in this area. I know it's difficult to do, but it greatly improves the readers' enjoyment.

    Overall-53-Incredible

    This was an excellent story, Don, and there are few areas that you could improve in, descriptions of the characters' surroundings being the main one.


    Officialy offline as of April 4 Australian time.
  •  06-27-2008, 1:49 AM 276254 in reply to 276176

    Re: (FF) The Great War 2.0

    don, that last chapter in my opinion was the best one yet...

    and i might i add that your writing skills are getting better and better with each coming chapter

     

    excellent job, and keep up the good work

     


    Gone and forgotten...
  •  06-27-2008, 12:20 PM 276736 in reply to 255446

    Re: (FF) The Great War 2.0

                                      Review of The Great War By: Mr. Grenade

    Spelling- 5

    There were no spelling errors that I could find. But this could easily be done with spell check. Still good though

    Grammar- 4 1/2

    There was one very minor problem, but very minor, good job here

    Storyline- 10

    This was one of my favorite storylines ever. You made a story set in 1943 look like Halo. Terrific job.

    Canon- 10

    Doesn't follow Halo but how the aliens would act and the weapons were how they should be (I know the last review said this)

    Characters- 10

    Each character had their own distinct personality, even the small characters had personality. Great job in here.

    Personality- 10

    As said before, each character talks, acts, and even thinks in different ways. The thoughts at the beginning were one of my favorite parts. It really let's you into the characters head. Terrific

    Descriptions- 6

    There were very small descriptions of the characters suroundings, and that really helps the story. Descriptions can make the reader want to know where they are if there are none. But if there is too much they will feel drowned. Just put in a little more and you'll be okay.

    Final Score- Incredible

    All I can say is just improve on putting in more descriptions. But don't put to many in.



    SMRT Squad. Not that smart
    A grenade need not speak, for when he blows up, a blast will speak for him.
  •  06-27-2008, 6:56 PM 277151 in reply to 276736

    Re: (FF) The Great War 2.0

    C'mon Don i cant wait for the next chapter, you have to live up to your good reviews.
    Im back! Now with 72% more unseriousness!
  •  07-04-2008, 10:44 AM 284470 in reply to 277151

    Re: (FF) The Great War 2.0

    that is good...

    There are 2 new Chs. up :D

    They are short though :(


    [url=http://www.halowars.com/forums/thread/255446.aspx]The Great War[/url]Ch.5 is up
    [url=http://www.halowars.com/forums/224551/ShowThread.aspx#224551]Caba's Journey[/url]Done
    2
  •  07-04-2008, 11:47 AM 284489 in reply to 284470

    Re: (FF) The Great War 2.0

    Another great couple of chapters Don

    I cant wait to see where it goes from here.

    woohoo the big 1500


    Im back! Now with 72% more unseriousness!
  •  07-04-2008, 6:34 PM 284760 in reply to 255446

    Re: (FF) The Great War 2.0

    It's been so long since you gave us a chapter, Don. And it was well worth the wait...

    Two great chapters which weren't good only because of a number of violent deaths. Although that may have been a factor.

    On a less optimistic side, I now go through the errors, which was, thankfully, just one misspelt word and two missing punctuation marks.

    1. At the end of Chapter 6, "wehter" should have been spelt "whether".

    2. You forgot to put in speech marks at the end of the announcer's report.

    3. "that a man, or worse, a group would kill their own country men." I personally think that there should be a comma after 'group'.

    Good chapters, Don. They were well worth the wait.


    Officialy offline as of April 4 Australian time.
  •  07-04-2008, 8:44 PM 284788 in reply to 255457

    • GEN
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    • Joined on 06-26-2008
    • wars start where you want but end where you dont..
    • Posts 275

    Re: The Great War 2.0

    Don Vito Corleone:
    Thank you.Any thing else?

    wow your so popular lol if only 100 people replied on my FF well its good i like it... nice thing sbout the anti spam hopefully its keep that way...



    FF FaQ' Come here to ask questions about "info" for ur popular FF's
  •  07-09-2008, 1:26 PM 290327 in reply to 284788

    Re: The Great War 2.0

    OMG its way better now then befor 11/10



  •  07-09-2008, 1:28 PM 290331 in reply to 290327

    Re: The Great War 2.0

    lol

    Thanks.

     


    [url=http://www.halowars.com/forums/thread/255446.aspx]The Great War[/url]Ch.5 is up
    [url=http://www.halowars.com/forums/224551/ShowThread.aspx#224551]Caba's Journey[/url]Done
    2
  •  07-09-2008, 2:42 PM 290431 in reply to 290331

    Re: The Great War 2.0

    Don pm its very important

    BTW great chp. im loving this story


    VIVA LA FAMILIA

    wanna see somthing funny read through the first two pages of this thread http://halowars.com/forums/thread/318933.aspx
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