Nocbl2:

I don't like it. 

Firstly, it's really short, second, it has a few grammatical errors. Plus, you fail to describe the scene they were in. 

First you want to to cut it, now you want  me too add on to it. MAKE UP YOUR MIND!

---

kiunk:

go drown in a fire

Encrypted AI:

Nocbl2:

I don't like it. 

Firstly, it's really short, second, it has a few grammatical errors. Plus, you fail to describe the scene they were in. 

First you want to to cut it, now you want me too add on to it. MAKE UP YOUR MIND!

I was talking about the first chapter...

First, ALWAYS describe the setting. I could hardly make it out in my head. Then, describe each character in turn. Go back and check up on grammar, and you're g2g.

---

Tank > Banshee

Wolverfrog49:

Nocbl2:

I don't like it. 

Firstly, it's really short, second, it has a few grammatical errors. Plus, you fail to describe the scene they were in. 

 True, true. Give him a chance though, some of the earlier parts of Memoirs of an ODST were short, and just look at it now! Well, don't look at it here, because the amount of replies is pathetic, but at Bungie.net it's got over 420 replies! Small things can become big.

True, very true my friend. I simply wish to adhere constructive criticism in the harshest way possible. Just to let it sink in.

---

Tank > Banshee