Sorry for the lateness but chapter 6 is now up on the OP.

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Lazyfrog.us - For all things Halo Wars

December the 15'th, go here! ^^

JumpingJet: Administrator, Co-Founder

The newest chapter was prolly my favorite.

Really built up some suspense and the story line. 

Can't wait for the new one.

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add me on live! Danish77

Thanks joker!

 Good chapter. I pity Ren when the battle's over. That sergeant will be pretty pissed.

Just a couple of errors that I saw.

1. for to long...  to should be too.

2. just look on not...  look should be looked.

3. Don't forget to include punctuation in each bit of speech. You left some out throughout this chapter.

4. Once again Rilly was interrupted again.  Drop the again at the end of the sentence.

5. your telling me...  your should be you're.

Good work, keep it up.

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Officialy offline as of April 4 Australian time.

Thanks guys theres a big fight next

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Lazyfrog.us - For all things Halo Wars

December the 15'th, go here! ^^

JumpingJet: Administrator, Co-Founder

i like this you can have medal for doin gud lol

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"I smoke a fat pound of grass, and fall on my ass faster than a fat *** who sat down to fast"

If you don't like R!zZle BiZzl£ then you can shnizzle my nizzle

R!zZle BiZzl£:

i like this you can have medal for doin gud lol

Canz i haz a cookie instead?

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Lazyfrog.us - For all things Halo Wars

December the 15'th, go here! ^^

JumpingJet: Administrator, Co-Founder

R!zZle BiZzl£:

i like this you can have medal for doin gud lol

Canz i haz a cookie instead?

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Lazyfrog.us - For all things Halo Wars

December the 15'th, go here! ^^

JumpingJet: Administrator, Co-Founder

sure lol anyway keep up the gud work

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"I smoke a fat pound of grass, and fall on my ass faster than a fat *** who sat down to fast"

If you don't like R!zZle BiZzl£ then you can shnizzle my nizzle

Hey guys, I am letting my readers have a chance to say what happens in the story.

So What do you guys want to happen?!

No need to be specfic.

E.G. A big fight

E.G Marines get captured.

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Lazyfrog.us - For all things Halo Wars

December the 15'th, go here! ^^

JumpingJet: Administrator, Co-Founder

Videlicet:

Hey guys, I am letting my readers have a chance to say what happens in the story.

So What do you guys want to happen?!

No need to be specfic.

E.G. A big fight

E.G Marines get captured.

No-One?

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Lazyfrog.us - For all things Halo Wars

December the 15'th, go here! ^^

JumpingJet: Administrator, Co-Founder

hey, i have an idea, how about the marines use a smoke grenade n escape throo the back door n go into a secret hatch n then jenkins says how he knows rilly n then the sarge tells his side of the story.

Good idea but i think i need to put some action into it.

The previous chapters have been all story and no action.

Unless that is what people like? A story line rather than action?

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Lazyfrog.us - For all things Halo Wars

December the 15'th, go here! ^^

JumpingJet: Administrator, Co-Founder

well u cud do like survey n see wot readers wont most.

Blandy:

well u cud do like survey n see wot readers wont most.

I could do but i write my FF because mostly i like writing it and not completely to please you guys (no offence) . I was just asking what people liked in a FF so i could write it along those lines.

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Lazyfrog.us - For all things Halo Wars

December the 15'th, go here! ^^

JumpingJet: Administrator, Co-Founder

well if u ask me i like a bit of action in the beginning but most of it towards the middle and end. where there are loads of ships n marines n elites battling it out for survival. that sounded cheesey.