I'm going to review your story.
First I have to read it all, so this is what I'm going to do:
1. Put it on word.
2. Print it.
3. Write notes via pen.
4. Put notes into well termed sentences.
5. Post review.
It will take a while.
From what I've read so far, it's good.
Don't feel despair because of the lack of commenter's, Ryzza and various of other writers are also having that problem.
The silver crest of the gleaming point of the tool wishes you freedom from a retched existence.