Halo: The Last of the Prophets

Last post 03-11-2009, 7:16 AM by Vigil. 619 replies.
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  •  08-15-2008, 7:09 AM 332205 in reply to 332176

    Re: Halo: The Last of the Prophets

    Great gob Vigil, though there were four mistakes that I could see, first, when Kyle says, "Deal, get in my suit," you pressed enter and shift at the same time instead of just enter, so you only went down one line. Second, you had the same problem at the very end in the last two paragraphs (if these were intentional sorry).

    Third, you spelled 'recognize' like this 'recognise'

    Fourth, at the last talking line said by Dr. Singh in the chapter, you said "God luck Blue team (I think Team is capitalized in Blue Team)" and unless you meant to do this, it should be, "Good luck Blue team" 



    SMRT Squad. Not that smart
    A grenade need not speak, for when he blows up, a blast will speak for him.
  •  08-15-2008, 7:13 AM 332212 in reply to 332205

    • Vigil
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    Re: Halo: The Last of the Prophets

    Mr. Grenade:

    Great gob Vigil, though there were four mistakes that I could see, first, when Kyle says, "Deal, get in my suit," you pressed enter and shift at the same time instead of just enter, so you only went down one line. Second, you had the same problem at the very end in the last two paragraphs (if these were intentional sorry).

    Third, you spelled 'recognize' like this 'recognise'

    Fourth, at the last talking line said by Dr. Singh in the chapter, you said "God luck Blue team (I think Team is capitalized in Blue Team)" and unless you meant to do this, it should be, "Good luck Blue team" 

    That's odd because It didn't on the word document.

    That's how it's spelt in the UK.

    Changed.


    Vigil is watching you

    Halo: The Unlatched Casket- The horror is released........
  •  08-15-2008, 7:16 AM 332214 in reply to 332212

    Re: Halo: The Last of the Prophets

    Vigil:
    Mr. Grenade:

    Great gob Vigil, though there were four mistakes that I could see, first, when Kyle says, "Deal, get in my suit," you pressed enter and shift at the same time instead of just enter, so you only went down one line. Second, you had the same problem at the very end in the last two paragraphs (if these were intentional sorry).

    Third, you spelled 'recognize' like this 'recognise'

    Fourth, at the last talking line said by Dr. Singh in the chapter, you said "God luck Blue team (I think Team is capitalized in Blue Team)" and unless you meant to do this, it should be, "Good luck Blue team" 

    That's odd because It didn't on the word document.

    That's how it's spelt in the UK.

    Changed.

    Oh, sorry I forgot your from there


    SMRT Squad. Not that smart
    A grenade need not speak, for when he blows up, a blast will speak for him.
  •  08-15-2008, 7:20 AM 332216 in reply to 332214

    • Vigil
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    Re: Halo: The Last of the Prophets

    That's okay.

    I tried to fixed the spacing, but it's not working. I either make them appear in the wrong place, or I lose all spacing altogether.


    Vigil is watching you

    Halo: The Unlatched Casket- The horror is released........
  •  08-15-2008, 9:49 AM 332344 in reply to 332205

    • Vigil
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    Re: Halo: The Last of the Prophets

    Chapter 3, a bit of a weak chapter

    Chapter 3

     

    Aboard UNSC Destroyer Southerland- In Earth Orbit

    5th December 2568 Military calendar 10.30

     

    Kyle saluted the captain as the five Spartans entered the bridge.

     

    ‘At ease,’ the captain said. Unlike many of the captains Kyle had met over the years, he was short and was rather young, only in his thirties. Caspian outstretched a gauntleted hand which the captain shook vigorously.

     

     ‘Captain Richards are we ready to depart?’ Caspian asked politely.

     

    ‘We should be getting underway shortly, we should arrive at Sanctuary in a few days,’ Richards replied in a crisp English voice.

     

    Richards was part of the UNSC newest generation of captains, they were all dedicated and hardworking, much like their predecessors.  The UNSC felt they had great potential. Kyle just hoped they realised it.

     

    The ship moved agilely past larger cruisers and defence platforms as she headed into the designated departure area. When they were in position, they were told to wait as a few cargo ships arrived. When the last one cleared the view screen of the bridge the navigational officer said,

     

    ‘Sir, control’s given us a green light. We’re clear to depart.’

     

    ‘Activate the Shaw-Fujikawa drive. Best speed to Sanctuary,’ Richards said.

     

    ‘Aye sir.’

     

    The shimmed hummed with energy. Sparks flew off the ship as it tore a hole into slipspace.  The eerie blue glow that made up the slipstream filled the bridge with blue light, and then the ship jumped forward into it.

     

    Richards then turned back to face them, ‘You can either be put in the stasis pods for the next few days, or you we did set up a room for you. It’s your call.’

     

    ‘We’d prefer to stay on station sir, just in case. Is there anything else?’ Caspian said.

     

    ‘No, you are dismissed,’ Richards then returned to monitoring their progress.

     

    The five armoured figures left the bridge and walked through the labyrinth of corridors that made up the insides of the ship. Kyle didn’t know how on earth he had managed to memorise the layouts of all UNSC ships back when he was a trainee, but it proved most useful here.

     

    They finally reached the room. As the door slid open they surveyed their temporary accommodation. It appeared to a hastily empted storage room with some beds placed inside it. The room was very Spartan and by the book, just the way the Spartans liked it.

     

    ‘Well this is cosy,’ Alex said, looking at the beds.

     

    ‘So what now Caspian?’ Shen asked.

     

    ‘All we can really do now is wait,’ Caspian admitted.

     

    ‘Great. Stuck in a room with manic depressive here,’ Alex said pointing at Peter.

     

    ‘Huh, you wouldn’t say that I wasn’t here,’ Peter replied slyly.

     

    ‘And what’s that supposed to mean?’ Alex asked.

     

    ‘Look at your reaction when you thought Kyle was dead, you’d miss me,’ Peter said chuckling.

     

    ‘Well….that’s different,’ Alex said.

     

    ‘Care to explain?’ Shen said in an amused voice.

     

    ‘I don’t want to talk about it,’ Alex said in a harsh tone.

     

    ‘Well we need some way to pass the time until we reach Sanctuary, go on,’ Shen pleaded.

     

    ‘I said I don’t want to talk about it. Period,’ Alex said in a threatening voice.

     

    ‘Leave her be guys, we’re all still a little wounded from that mission,’ Caspian said, looking out the viewport.

     

    ‘Amen to that, I’m not proud of how I acted back there,’ Shen admitted.

     

    ‘I’m just glad we got out of that hell hole in one piece,’ Peter said.

     

    ‘Well in comparison this mission going to be a lot tougher, the Covenant mean business this time, they’re throwing everything they have at us,’ Kyle said.

     

    ‘We’ve stopped them before, we can do it again,’ Alex replied.

     

    ‘I don’t know Alex, we can stop them on land, but in space, I don’t know,’ Peter said grimly.

     

    ‘I know it looks bad, but we were close to putting that ship out of commission the last time we were on it. We can do it, I know we can. Now we’d better get ready for our arrival. I have a feeling the Covenant will be on their way,’ Caspian said.

     

    The Spartans left the room and split up, heading to different parts of the ship.

     

    Kyle wondered what was wrong with Alex and if Blue team could actually pull it off. He knew they had to try, or millions would die as the Covenant wiped out their colonies one by one.  Kyle just hoped they were up to the challenge.

     

     

    End of Chapter 3

     


    Vigil is watching you

    Halo: The Unlatched Casket- The horror is released........
  •  08-15-2008, 9:58 AM 332347 in reply to 332344

    Re: Halo: The Last of the Prophets

    Another good chapter, a couple mistakes, there was a spacing issue, you put, and also when the Slipspace hole opened you said whole instead of hole (if this is because of United Kingdom spelling I'm sorry)

    Richards then turned back to face them, ‘You can either be put in the stasis pods for the next few days, or you we did set up a room for you. It’s your call.’

    ‘We’d prefer to stay on station sir, just in case. Is they anything else?’ Caspian said.

     



    SMRT Squad. Not that smart
    A grenade need not speak, for when he blows up, a blast will speak for him.
  •  08-15-2008, 10:03 AM 332348 in reply to 332347

    • Vigil
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    Re: Halo: The Last of the Prophets

    Mr. Grenade:
    Another good chapter, a couple mistakes, there was a spacing issue, you put, and also when the Slipspace hole opened you said whole instead of hole (if this is because of United Kingdom spelling I'm sorry)

    Richards then turned back to face them, ‘You can either be put in the stasis pods for the next few days, or you we did set up a room for you. It’s your call.’

    ‘We’d prefer to stay on station sir, just in case. Is they anything else?’ Caspian said.


     

    Nope, I got it wrong. Corrected.

    I don't know what the hell keeps causing these spacing errors, as they're fine on the word document. I've fixed them the best I can.

    How do you feel the story's comming along?


    Vigil is watching you

    Halo: The Unlatched Casket- The horror is released........
  •  08-15-2008, 10:04 AM 332350 in reply to 332348

    Re: Halo: The Last of the Prophets

    Vigil:
    Mr. Grenade:
    Another good chapter, a couple mistakes, there was a spacing issue, you put, and also when the Slipspace hole opened you said whole instead of hole (if this is because of United Kingdom spelling I'm sorry)

    Richards then turned back to face them, ‘You can either be put in the stasis pods for the next few days, or you we did set up a room for you. It’s your call.’

    ‘We’d prefer to stay on station sir, just in case. Is they anything else?’ Caspian said.


     

    Nope, I got it wrong. Corrected.

    I don't know what the hell keeps causing these spacing errors, as they're fine on the word document. I've fixed them the best I can.

    How do you feel the story's comming along?

    It's coming along great


    SMRT Squad. Not that smart
    A grenade need not speak, for when he blows up, a blast will speak for him.
  •  08-15-2008, 10:07 AM 332353 in reply to 332350

    • Vigil
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    Re: Halo: The Last of the Prophets

    Good. I just hope the last chapter wasn't too bad.
    Vigil is watching you

    Halo: The Unlatched Casket- The horror is released........
  •  08-15-2008, 10:07 AM 332354 in reply to 332350

    Re: Halo: The Last of the Prophets

    Mr. Grenade:
    Vigil:
    Mr. Grenade:
    Another good chapter, a couple mistakes, there was a spacing issue, you put, and also when the Slipspace hole opened you said whole instead of hole (if this is because of United Kingdom spelling I'm sorry)

    Richards then turned back to face them, ‘You can either be put in the stasis pods for the next few days, or you we did set up a room for you. It’s your call.’

    ‘We’d prefer to stay on station sir, just in case. Is they anything else?’ Caspian said.


     

    Nope, I got it wrong. Corrected.

    I don't know what the hell keeps causing these spacing errors, as they're fine on the word document. I've fixed them the best I can.

    How do you feel the story's comming along?

    It's coming along great
    And I just realized that Caspian said "Is they anything else?" When it should be "Is there anything else?"


    SMRT Squad. Not that smart
    A grenade need not speak, for when he blows up, a blast will speak for him.
  •  08-15-2008, 10:10 AM 332357 in reply to 332354

    • Vigil
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    Re: Halo: The Last of the Prophets

    Fixed.
    Vigil is watching you

    Halo: The Unlatched Casket- The horror is released........
  •  08-15-2008, 10:12 AM 332361 in reply to 332357

    Re: Halo: The Last of the Prophets

    Vigil:
    Fixed.
    Sorry I didn't catch that the first time


    SMRT Squad. Not that smart
    A grenade need not speak, for when he blows up, a blast will speak for him.
  •  08-15-2008, 10:14 AM 332363 in reply to 332361

    • Vigil
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    Re: Halo: The Last of the Prophets

    Mr. Grenade:
    Vigil:
    Fixed.
    Sorry I didn't catch that the first time

    That's okay, I'm surprised I didn't see it.


    Vigil is watching you

    Halo: The Unlatched Casket- The horror is released........
  •  08-15-2008, 10:17 AM 332366 in reply to 332363

    Re: Halo: The Last of the Prophets

    Vigil:

    Mr. Grenade:
    Vigil:
    Fixed.
    Sorry I didn't catch that the first time

    That's okay, I'm surprised I didn't see it.

    Well I am bored


    SMRT Squad. Not that smart
    A grenade need not speak, for when he blows up, a blast will speak for him.
  •  08-15-2008, 10:19 AM 332369 in reply to 332366

    • Vigil
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    • Joined on 05-22-2007
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    • Posts 8,688

    Re: Halo: The Last of the Prophets

    Mr. Grenade:
    Vigil:

    Mr. Grenade:
    Vigil:
    Fixed.
    Sorry I didn't catch that the first time

    That's okay, I'm surprised I didn't see it.

    Well I am bored

    Well Captain Cazador would seen them eventually.

    Now should I do the next chapter now?


    Vigil is watching you

    Halo: The Unlatched Casket- The horror is released........
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