Thanks very much for the review dude, its great to know it has some potential.
But, there were a few things you called "Mistakes" that i would like to address.
- Firstly: I gave the castle no name as we will come back to the castle later, but for the moment i wanted to make sure the sence of nerves and having to use a disguise was emphasised(sp) and that it stood out, i wanted to get the point across that Kylar was nervous. Wanting to keep that thought in the readers mind i tried not to get into detail about much else.
- Secondly: Put your hand to the nack of you're neck and feel your spine. 2mm maybe 3mm space bettween you're skin and spine? Then picture the blade on a dagger, 3mm off the end is hardly anything into skin, this would give a stinging feeling.
- Thridly: With both victims not fighting back and the line "Devon looked like a guy who had saw his day come" and Devon stuffing his pockets and bags with jewles i wanted to stress that they both new what Devon was doing, stealing from the Sa'Kage, and someone would eventuly come and get him. When Devon saw Kylar he wouldnt be supprised and scared becasue he was rushing around moments ago grabbing items and jewles getting ready to run away.
- Fourth: You question why Blint popped out of nowhere? You were meant to think, "Where the F*** did he come from" But not the way you did. You were supposed to realize that he was able to get passed the guards unoticed or was able to kill them. Either way you were supposed to see that he is one skilled wetboy.
Hmmm....Thats the main point, got anymore?
lol
I suppose its my fault for not making these as obveus(sp) but you should have noticed them OB!
Otherwise, i thanks you very much for the review, and now i plan on going back and editing this chapter before continuing.
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