FF: A Light In The Dark (chapter 11 up!)

Last post 01-12-2010, 8:54 PM by belac. 36 replies.
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  •  11-01-2009, 4:32 PM 762784 in reply to 762780

    Re: FF: A Light In The Dark (chapter 10 up!)

    Nocbl2:
    DFang:No offense, but punctuation would be nice. Refumee is the Heretic you kill as Arby in Halo 2, right?
    Yes, Refumee is the guy that jumps into the air and attacks you with his clones.

    I always kill him with my sword...What do you do? 


    Whenever a thread was hijacked and there were big quote boxes and lots of flame, I was there!

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  •  11-01-2009, 4:35 PM 762795 in reply to 762784

    Re: FF: A Light In The Dark (chapter 10 up!)

    DFang:

    Nocbl2:
    DFang:No offense, but punctuation would be nice. Refumee is the Heretic you kill as Arby in Halo 2, right?
    Yes, Refumee is the guy that jumps into the air and attacks you with his clones.

    I always kill him with my sword...What do you do? 

    Please do not derail this FF :)


    SPQR! An ambitious historical project, coming soon. Check the Library for early version test writes. Recommended for anyone with a love of history.
  •  11-01-2009, 5:58 PM 762984 in reply to 762795

    Re: FF: A Light In The Dark (chapter 10 up!)

    How was the chapter?
    The Eayn Tribute: Read about the life of a jackal, who fights back during a rebellion against the covenant, and must struggle to remain alive as the Covenant fight the small group of rebels.

    http://www.halowars.com/forums/thread/804296.aspx

  •  11-01-2009, 6:00 PM 762992 in reply to 762984

    Re: FF: A Light In The Dark (chapter 10 up!)

    belac:How was the chapter?
    It was good
    Design a Faction

    http://www.halowars.com/forums/thread/795978.aspx
  •  11-01-2009, 6:06 PM 763006 in reply to 762984

    Re: FF: A Light In The Dark (chapter 10 up!)

    Well, I am going to start with the negatives. The punctuation was a little off. Spelling was okay, nothing major, but your use of capital letters is a little bad. Remember, after a full stop, use a cap. The name of something/someone, use a cap. After a question mark or an exclamation mark, use a cap. And, every time someone talks, start a new line, makes it look nicer, and it's correct. And, try and paragraph more, and some bigger chapters couldn't hurt right?

     The positives. The description was very good detailing the fight, could have used a little more description of the area around them though, but I digress. I like how tough you made the battle for Fred, showing that Spartans are very hard pressed to win in hand to hand against Elites, being very strong. The plot is good, and has good potential, you just have to work on your negatives :)


    SPQR! An ambitious historical project, coming soon. Check the Library for early version test writes. Recommended for anyone with a love of history.
  •  11-01-2009, 6:31 PM 763070 in reply to 763006

    Re: FF: A Light In The Dark (chapter 10 up!)

    Thanks for the feedback! ill work on it.
    The Eayn Tribute: Read about the life of a jackal, who fights back during a rebellion against the covenant, and must struggle to remain alive as the Covenant fight the small group of rebels.

    http://www.halowars.com/forums/thread/804296.aspx

  •  11-01-2009, 6:33 PM 763078 in reply to 763070

    Re: FF: A Light In The Dark (chapter 10 up!)

    I hope I can see an improvement, if you need any help, ask me :) TMspartan has always been better off ever since I helped him that one time... I really enjoyed the result of that small rewrite, it birthed a great writer.
    SPQR! An ambitious historical project, coming soon. Check the Library for early version test writes. Recommended for anyone with a love of history.
  •  11-01-2009, 6:46 PM 763125 in reply to 763078

    Re: FF: A Light In The Dark (chapter 10 up!)

    do you not recognize your own writing? you wrote this stories proloug.  Do you not remember?
    The Eayn Tribute: Read about the life of a jackal, who fights back during a rebellion against the covenant, and must struggle to remain alive as the Covenant fight the small group of rebels.

    http://www.halowars.com/forums/thread/804296.aspx

  •  11-01-2009, 6:47 PM 763130 in reply to 763125

    Re: FF: A Light In The Dark (chapter 10 up!)

    Holy crap, I forgot I wrote this :)
    SPQR! An ambitious historical project, coming soon. Check the Library for early version test writes. Recommended for anyone with a love of history.
  •  11-01-2009, 6:53 PM 763146 in reply to 763130

    Re: FF: A Light In The Dark (chapter 10 up!)

    prolog. not all of it. lol
    The Eayn Tribute: Read about the life of a jackal, who fights back during a rebellion against the covenant, and must struggle to remain alive as the Covenant fight the small group of rebels.

    http://www.halowars.com/forums/thread/804296.aspx

  •  11-01-2009, 6:56 PM 763154 in reply to 763146

    Re: FF: A Light In The Dark (chapter 10 up!)

    I know xD
    SPQR! An ambitious historical project, coming soon. Check the Library for early version test writes. Recommended for anyone with a love of history.
  •  11-01-2009, 7:34 PM 763245 in reply to 763154

    Re: FF: A Light In The Dark (chapter 10 up!)

    Hey OB, isnt your sig part of a linkin park song?
    The Eayn Tribute: Read about the life of a jackal, who fights back during a rebellion against the covenant, and must struggle to remain alive as the Covenant fight the small group of rebels.

    http://www.halowars.com/forums/thread/804296.aspx

  •  11-01-2009, 7:35 PM 763252 in reply to 763245

    Re: FF: A Light In The Dark (chapter 10 up!)

    belac:Hey OB, isnt your sig part of a linkin park song?

    Yep :) New Divide, someone finally noticed! YAY!


    SPQR! An ambitious historical project, coming soon. Check the Library for early version test writes. Recommended for anyone with a love of history.
  •  11-01-2009, 7:36 PM 763253 in reply to 763252

    Re: FF: A Light In The Dark (chapter 10 up!)

    lol
    The Eayn Tribute: Read about the life of a jackal, who fights back during a rebellion against the covenant, and must struggle to remain alive as the Covenant fight the small group of rebels.

    http://www.halowars.com/forums/thread/804296.aspx

  •  11-01-2009, 7:43 PM 763264 in reply to 763253

    Re: FF: A Light In The Dark (chapter 10 up!)

    My only criticism is that the chapters seem too short.  I like the story and the progression--it's just like I'm missing something.  I'm missing much more than I should.  I feel as if there's a lot more you can describe, and a lot more you can let us into in these chapters.

    Aloysius:
    -Less than half a of percent of players have the General rank on Xbox Live.


    How is the General rank fair again?

    Halo Fanboys. The next most annoying thing next to Jonas Brothers fanboys.
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