Halo: Relevance, Part I(Finished)

Last post 01-20-2010, 10:03 AM by Footbutt. 130 replies.
Page 2 of 9 (131 items)   < Previous 1 2 3 4 5 Next > ... Last »
Sort Posts: Previous Next
  •  03-03-2009, 1:07 AM 487117 in reply to 474185

    Re: Relevance: Redux

    Quite good so far, Omega. I'm looking forward to more.

    There were a few errors, but that's bound to happen with chapters this size.

    1. Alpha IV has been a UNSC military base of operations since late 2510, and it has seen little action since.  Change this to past tense: had, not has.

    2. Relevance has been active for three years now without a break, longer then most ships in the fleet, but when the ship is setup for long-term reconnaissance there isn't much time for leave.  Change this to past tense. Also, then should be than.

    3. They would stair death...  stair should be stare.

    4. This was humanities fight...  humanities should be humanity's.

    5. we barely out of boot...  we should be were.

    6. he lead the squad...  lead should be led.

    7. incident that lead to the failure of the mission...  lead should be led.

    8. Rodger that Salina...  rodger should be roger.

    9. He turned and through-up...  through-up should be threw up.

    10. It wasn't far too where...  too should be to.

    Good work, keep it up.

    I just realised how long it's been since I've done this...


    Officialy offline as of April 4 Australian time.
  •  03-03-2009, 1:18 AM 487118 in reply to 474185

    Re: Relevance: Redux

    omfg what the hell are u thinking!!!!!!

     

    for starters its not yet time to right about halo for now we still have to play it lol   :D

     

    anyways good work i bet u get A's in inglish:P

  •  03-03-2009, 9:14 AM 487332 in reply to 487117

    Re: Relevance: Redux

    Captain Cazador- Soldato:

    Quite good so far, Omega. I'm looking forward to more.

    There were a few errors, but that's bound to happen with chapters this size.

    1. Alpha IV has been a UNSC military base of operations since late 2510, and it has seen little action since.  Change this to past tense: had, not has.

    2. Relevance has been active for three years now without a break, longer then most ships in the fleet, but when the ship is setup for long-term reconnaissance there isn't much time for leave.  Change this to past tense. Also, then should be than.

    3. They would stair death...  stair should be stare.

    4. This was humanities fight...  humanities should be humanity's.

    5. we barely out of boot...  we should be were.

    6. he lead the squad...  lead should be led.

    7. incident that lead to the failure of the mission...  lead should be led.

    8. Rodger that Salina...  rodger should be roger.

    9. He turned and through-up...  through-up should be threw up.

    10. It wasn't far too where...  too should be to.

    Good work, keep it up.

    I just realised how long it's been since I've done this...

    And this is why you do it ^_^

    Thanks a bunch Caz, you are a fan-fic writer's hero


    You get hit with a heavy object.
    -2 DXT
    -5 STM
    -200 INT
    You are dead.
  •  03-06-2009, 12:11 PM 491380 in reply to 487332

    Re: Relevance: Redux

    Update:

    Surface of Alpha IV
    Wreck site of Echo-113
    Two and a half Clicks from LZ
    Three and a half hours later

        Conner slowly opened his eyes and looked at his surroundings. “Strange,” he laughed to himself, “Why is the pelican upside down?” Images of the crash flashed through his mind, the faces of the soldiers burned into his head. He groaned, and levered himself up onto an elbow. He tried to stand, pain lancing through his back. Slowly he got into a sitting position. He checked himself over, nothing broken. His ears were ringing, and his head ached, he thought he might have a concussion, but didn’t worry too much. Pressing his back against the bulkhead, he slowly raised himself to his feet.

        He arched his back, cracking his spine and relieving some tension. Stooping again, he lifted an M6D magnum and hooked it to his belt. Quickly he snapped his head up and listened, thinking he heard something. The wind swept through the bay, whistling among the wreck. Shaking his head, he went back to salvaging what he could from the pelican. Again he froze. An odd squeaky sound drew him to the mouth of the bay.

        The Pelican rested close to the middle of a clearing. Trees lined the edges of the area and Conner thought he could see a road out to the west. Standing over a body not ten feet from the wreck were a pair of Jackals. The bird like creatures stooped over the body, greedily ripping at the flesh of the man’s gut. Conner felt sick, the man was the marine who sat next to him on the flight. He didn’t know if the man was alive when the Jackals found him, but Conner hoped he was.

        Reaching down for the pistol, he swept it up and sighted the nearest one. The Jackal’s head sat in the middle of Conner’s crosshair when he yelled, “Hey, why don’t you try something fresher.” Hating himself for not coming up with something better, Conner sighted again and pulled the trigger. There was a loud clatter, but no gunshot. He looked down and saw the empty clip on the floor. The Jackals screamed, igniting their wrist shields, the energy hummed and sizzled in the air. Conner scrambled back into the pelican as they bounded toward him.

        He slid, turned, and slammed keys, sending the thick blast door down into place. The Jackals slammed into the door, beating on it with their curved pistols. Conner leaned against the wall and slid down into a crouch. A little red light flashed on the door controls with ‘Emergency Release’ written on it. Conner’s face light up and he pressed the button. Smoke filled the bay as the bolts holding the door up exploded, letting the door fall freely to the ground crushing the Jackals underneath it.

        Conner cheered in triumph, walking out into the clearing to check for other Covenant. As he passed the smashed creatures he felt obliged to ‘relive’ them of their weapons. He clipped a few plasma grenades to his belt and hefted the odd pistol. It was nothing compared to an MA5B, but it would have to do. He checked the dead marine for ammo, trying not to be sick. Being a medic helped, but nothing prepares someone for something like reaching into the pockets of the dead man you just sat next to not five minutes ago. He found a clip for his M6D and a frag grenade.

        The edge of the clearing was covered in underbrush, bushes and twigs lay scattered around the bases of the trees. Conner figured that the road was his best bet, and headed west. A long dirt road snaked its way between larger trees and rocks. He hadn’t hiked for long when he felt something out of place. The twigs on the side of the road seemed to bend, back and forth. The attack came from the left, two camouflaged Elites charged him, hitting him over the back of his head. The peaceful darkness filled him once more.
     


    You get hit with a heavy object.
    -2 DXT
    -5 STM
    -200 INT
    You are dead.
  •  03-10-2009, 5:37 PM 498999 in reply to 491380

    Re: Relevance: Redux

    Anyone? If not, then this is a bump

    You get hit with a heavy object.
    -2 DXT
    -5 STM
    -200 INT
    You are dead.
  •  03-10-2009, 5:58 PM 499083 in reply to 498999

    Re: Relevance: Redux

    I would have commented last night but I was ditracted trying to get people to stop wan*ing over the Anders' boobs Thread. But I liked it. EPIC ELITE AMBUSH FTW!!!! I'm still refusing to read the original so I don't get spoilers but I'm guessing he is captured and rescued somehow. Or he escapes... Somehow...
    Please read and comment my novel in the Liberry.
    Wuv u Chuckles :D
    Run for your life if you wanna get out alive. Or is it the other way around?
  •  03-10-2009, 9:14 PM 499494 in reply to 474184

    Re: Relevance: Redux A rewrite by Omega

    I loved it, everything was well written, great job, keep it up

    When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend

    Gamertag= xxMrGrenadexx

    New story- The Resistance
    http://www.halowars.com/forums/thread/627177.aspx
  •  03-16-2009, 9:07 PM 510233 in reply to 499494

    Re: Relevance: Redux A rewrite by Omega

    Bumped for the sake of bumping

    You get hit with a heavy object.
    -2 DXT
    -5 STM
    -200 INT
    You are dead.
  •  03-16-2009, 9:14 PM 510244 in reply to 499494

    Re: Relevance: Redux A rewrite by Omega

    nice ;D I like it so far please continue


    FFTS

  •  03-24-2009, 3:04 PM 522782 in reply to 510244

    Re: Relevance: Redux A rewrite by Omega

    *sigh*

    This will probably be the last bump before an update...

    I'd like input, but seeing how there is very few readers willing to care enough to encourage the other FFs besides their own, I don't expect much

    Maybe with some luck, someone will stumble upon this and read something from a simpler time

     

    -Omega-


    You get hit with a heavy object.
    -2 DXT
    -5 STM
    -200 INT
    You are dead.
  •  03-24-2009, 3:08 PM 522791 in reply to 522782

    Re: Relevance: Redux A rewrite by Omega

    Don't worry, Omega. I still read people's FF's.

    Why, many people are even putting some up nowadays, like Kurybushi(sp), Vigil, Socom, me, etc........


    In my times, the darkened days,
    Evil invaded the world.
    We farmers,
    We workers of the Red Union,
    We united and slaughtered them all.
    The brave soul,
    Above the evil,
    Planted our inspiration atop their burning cities.
    - Ruski
  •  03-24-2009, 3:14 PM 522798 in reply to 522791

    Re: Relevance: Redux A rewrite by Omega

    I know, but most people just throw one up, reply to comments, and blissfully ignore the rest of the library

    Good to see a familiar face in here however


    You get hit with a heavy object.
    -2 DXT
    -5 STM
    -200 INT
    You are dead.
  •  03-24-2009, 3:15 PM 522802 in reply to 522798

    Re: Relevance: Redux A rewrite by Omega

    Ωmega:

    I know, but most people just throw one up, reply to comments, and blissfully ignore the rest of the library

    Good to see a familiar face in here however

    I know. It always feels my FF's are being ignored, as are others in my opinion.

    Yeah, to bad so many people have gone.....


    In my times, the darkened days,
    Evil invaded the world.
    We farmers,
    We workers of the Red Union,
    We united and slaughtered them all.
    The brave soul,
    Above the evil,
    Planted our inspiration atop their burning cities.
    - Ruski
  •  03-24-2009, 8:12 PM 523342 in reply to 522802

    Re: Relevance: Redux A rewrite by Omega

    i agree ever since the game was released people have left in droves...

    FFTS

  •  03-24-2009, 8:27 PM 523404 in reply to 523342

    Re: Relevance: Redux A rewrite by Omega

    i looking foward for an update, you included ALOT of detail making the story all the better, there was enough detail to the point that is like a movie going on in my head(and thats just how you want readers to feel)

Page 2 of 9 (131 items)   < Previous 1 2 3 4 5 Next > ... Last »
View as RSS news feed in XML