Err thats just the prelog not chapter 1 from what i see
Either way it seamed fine to me but then again i dont look for grammer and puntuation errors i see the potential for a good story.
also if you have the time comment on my FF i cant tell what its errors are if nobody takes to the time to point them out
(link: http://www.halowars.com/forums/thread/388245.aspx )
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Come dusk come dawn
Dark and light forever gone
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