Private Lewis (FF)

Last post 08-01-2008, 5:22 PM by Offensive Bias. 234 replies.
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  •  05-26-2008, 10:32 PM 238305 in reply to 237995

    Re: Private Lewis (FF)

    the story is addicting. I cant wait for next chapter.

    And Sparhawk- FF Critic. Could you check out mine, there names are in my sig.



    Restlessness You will read this fic.
    Blood Ties its a sweet fic.






  •  05-30-2008, 2:24 PM 241074 in reply to 238305

    Re: Private Lewis (FF)

    Chapter 10 is up

    its made by a friend

    (you'll see who in the chapter title)


  •  05-30-2008, 2:27 PM 241081 in reply to 241074

    Re: Private Lewis (FF)

    I likee...Go Dad!

    lol Keep it up.

    ...look at my sig...


    [url=http://www.halowars.com/forums/thread/255446.aspx]The Great War[/url]Ch.5 is up
    [url=http://www.halowars.com/forums/224551/ShowThread.aspx#224551]Caba's Journey[/url]Done
    2
  •  05-30-2008, 2:29 PM 241084 in reply to 241081

    Re: Private Lewis (FF)

    Don Corleone:

    I likee...Go Dad!

    lol Keep it up.

    ...look at my sig...

    thanks

    and very subtle i will


  •  05-30-2008, 5:24 PM 241319 in reply to 241084

    Re: Private Lewis (FF)

    Okay don't ask me if you can write a chapter in my story you are chosen very rarely....this might just be a one time thing....

  •  06-01-2008, 2:42 PM 242837 in reply to 241319

    Re: Private Lewis (FF)

    half of chapter 11 is up

  •  06-01-2008, 2:44 PM 242839 in reply to 242837

    Re: Private Lewis (FF)

    cool

     



    xbox Live Gamertag = SBDassassin21
  •  06-01-2008, 6:07 PM 243045 in reply to 242839

    Re: Private Lewis (FF)

    chapter 11 is done

    *runs away before Hunter gets mad for short chapter* 


  •  06-01-2008, 6:12 PM 243053 in reply to 243045

    Re: Private Lewis (FF)

    Nice chapter.

    *Calls in ship full of hunters for making it short*



    Restlessness You will read this fic.
    Blood Ties its a sweet fic.






  •  06-01-2008, 6:15 PM 243061 in reply to 243053

    Re: Private Lewis (FF)

    343Mccutcheon_spark:

    Nice chapter.

    *Calls in ship full of hunters for making it short*

    Hunter is one of my personal critics that help me out with the story


  •  06-02-2008, 12:01 AM 243494 in reply to 221280

    Re: Private Lewis (FF)

    Two things, Mr. Bacon. 1. I would never abuse you for writing a short chapter, as long as it's good. 2. It's now Captain Cazador, not Hunter. Stay with the times. lol

    Anyway, on topic. Doesn't sound quite realistic, the rebels completely missing two mags, unless they are absolute idiots that are even dumber than people at my school, which is highly unlikely.

    Other than that, good chapter. May have been short, but worth the read. Keep it up.


    Officialy offline as of April 4 Australian time.
  •  06-02-2008, 8:32 AM 243869 in reply to 243494

    Re: Private Lewis (FF)

    I fixed that thanks for your input
  •  06-03-2008, 9:13 AM 244866 in reply to 221280

    Re: Private Lewis (FF)

    Maybe the UNSC don't have humanity at heart anymore...just themselves. *Begins a thinking episode*

    I feel sorry for Mary, being stuck in the middle of all the turmoil.

    So, if I ever want to break a lock, I just use a bullet... nice. Frankie is certainly the clued up one, hope he survives the following trials.

    Great grammar, alright terminology and good spelling apart from these mistakes:

    “I was wondering when you’ll notice,” he said. Should be: I was wondering when 'you would' notice.

    “How do you get here?” asked Mary. Should be: How 'did' you get here?

     

    “How long you lasted?” I asked. Should be: How long 'did' you 'last'.

     

    The above problem is terminology, everything else was set out brilliantly.

     

    Still it's a marvelous job and well written.

     

    Keep up the good work, your story is as enticing as ever and enjoyable to read.

     

     




    The silver crest of the gleaming point of the tool wishes you freedom from a retched existence.
  •  06-04-2008, 2:17 PM 246252 in reply to 244866

    Re: Private Lewis (FF)

    Sparhawk:

    Maybe the UNSC don't have humanity at heart anymore...just themselves. *Begins a thinking episode*

    I feel sorry for Mary, being stuck in the middle of all the turmoil.

    So, if I ever want to break a lock, I just use a bullet... nice. Frankie is certainly the clued up one, hope he survives the following trials.

    Great grammar, alright terminology and good spelling apart from these mistakes:

    “I was wondering when you’ll notice,” he said. Should be: I was wondering when 'you would' notice.

    “How do you get here?” asked Mary. Should be: How 'did' you get here?

     

    “How long you lasted?” I asked. Should be: How long 'did' you 'last'.

     

    The above problem is terminology, everything else was set out brilliantly.

     

    Still it's a marvelous job and well written.

     

    Keep up the good work, your story is as enticing as ever and enjoyable to read.

     

     

    thank you for pointing that out

    it is fixed


  •  06-05-2008, 2:57 PM 247431 in reply to 246252

    • fome33
    • Not Ranked
    • Joined on 05-17-2008
    • im in high charity being king of all flood.
    • Posts 67

    Re: Private Lewis (FF)

    i know they hold up in the armory for awhile then act as the rebels and get to the leader and you do the rest.just a sugestion.sorry for bad spelling.
    I have sent my flood for you. they will enjoy feasting on your flesh and bones.
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