*Everybody runs from base*
"Wait," said Kevin, "why are we running? Shouldn't we be fighting?"
"NO!" yelled Dave.
"Good point Dave, KEEP RUNNING!" ordered Sgt. West.
"Well, I'm going back to fight," said Kevin, "*stops* whoever wants to come with me, follow!"
*Everybody stops and turns to Kevin, nobody follows*
"Seriously?" asked Kevin.
*Everybody nods in unison*
"*sigh* Whatever, come on! We fight! Since smart one over here wants to be a hero" said Sgt. West.
*grunts and sighes as everybody runs back to base*
"You know what?" asked Dave, coming up to Kevin, "I fu**ing hate you."
*Everybody arrived at base, only to find it burnt to the ground*
"Great," said Sgt. West.
"What?" asked Kevin.
"You made us run five miles just to get back to base, only to find the piece of *hit burnt to the ground!" Sgt. West barked into Kevin's face.
"Oh... sorry?" asked Kevin, starting to cower in fear.
*Sgt. West pulls back his fist, Kevin cowers*
"Here," said Sgt. West, handing Kevin a fish.
"What am I supposed to do with this?" asked Kevin.
"Whip yourself with it until we get to the next base."
"Awwwwwwwwwwww," said Kevin in a depressed voice.
"Okay, let's go!" ordered Sgt. West, waving his arms back towards the road.
*Everybody leaves, back on the road, everybody ignores Kevin and stays on the lane oppisite him*
*Random truck hits Kevin, everyone gasps*
Dave runs up, "Are you okay?"
"No! I just got hit by a truck!"
"Oh, yeah I saw that, what was it like?" asked Dave.
"It hurt, what did you expect!"
"Sorry Mr. Moody-after-getting-hit-by-a-truck," said Dave, crossing his arms.
*Random totem pole lands on Kevin's crotch, Kevin recoils up in pain, as any man would in that situation, except those guys who get sex changes, that's kinda gross*
"Ow, that's gotta hurt," said Dave.
*Bullet falls out of the sky and goes straight through the totem pole and hits Kevin*
*Kevin dies, nobody really cares and everybody walks off, now, let's talk more about those guys who get sex changes...*
Chapter 5: Jerry
*The replacement for Kevin walks up to Dave and taps him on the shoulder*
"Do you want an autograph? Give me a piece of paper or some snow," said Dave.
"Actually I was trying to introduce myself, I'm Jerry."
*grabs a pen and a piece of paper from nearby table*
"Okay, so you want I'm Jerry on it, okay... there you go," said Dave.
*hands Jerry paper*
"But, this says meet me in the bathroom in ten minutes," said Jerry.
*ignores Jerry*
"Whatever," said Jerry.
*walks over to Sgt. West*
"Hi, I'm the replacement," said Jerry, "I'm trying to find Sgt. West."
"You just found him," said Sgt. West.
"Really? Where?" asked Jerry, looking around.
"I'm Sgt. West dum-dum."
"Oh... hi! I'm Jerry"
*Sgt. West walks away*
*random guy walks behind Jerry and squeezes his butt, then walks away*
"I already hate this place," Jerry said to himself.
*time stops and narrator walks in*
"This is random but I need to say that sometimes people say stuff when they mean something else, take this for example," said the narrator.
*snaps fingers and time resumes*
"See that girl over there?" a marine asked another.
"Yeah," said the other.
"Well if I wasn't married, I would totally hit that."
*snaps fingers again and time pauses*
"Now, what he really meant was, I'm totally going to cheat on my wife with her, now here is another example."
*snaps*
*Dave walks up to Jerry*
"Ha," said Dave, "you wanna go have sex in the bathroom?"
*snaps*
"What he really meant was, Ha, you wanna go have sex in the bathroom?"
Chapter 6: Dave's Enuendo
"All right, we all know what we're doing right?" asked Sgt. West.
"I think I'm laying back and relaxing while you guys get killed by rebels, is that about right?" asked Dave.
"No, you're actually leading everybody into battle. Then we blow up a rebel compound."
*looks for liquid to spit out onto Jerry, grabs orange juice bottle, drinks some, then spits it out onto Jerry*
"Dave! What the hell man!"
"What? What I do? I missed it!" said Dave.
"Idiot," said Sgt. West, shaking his head.
"This reminds me of that time when I tricked that rebel *long pause* no clip? Thought we had a clip, sorry guys," said Dave.
"Who are you talking to about a clip?" asked Jerry.
"Nobody *puts head down and tear comes to eye*" said Dave.
"Ookaay," said Sgt. West, "are we ready to blow this **tch?" asked Sgt. West.
"That's what she said!" yelled Dave.
*long pause*"Dave, was that a sexual enuendo?" asked Jerry.
Dave thought for a second, "In your endo!"
Chapter 7: Confused
*Jerry runs up to Dave who is reading in the barracks*
"Dave! The base is being attacked! We need to go help abandon it."
*long pause*
"Dave!"
*long pause*
"Your book is upsidedown."
"Fine! What do you want?" asked Dave.
"The base is being attacked! Let's go!"
"I'm confused, explain it to me like I'm thirteen," said Dave.
"The base is getting beat up, and we need to run away."
*long pause*
"Still confused, like a three year old now," said Dave.
"Um.... the base is getting some bobo's, and we need to patch them up," said Jerry.
"Why didn't you say so?! Let's go!"
*Dave runs out of room*
"Idiot," said Jerry.
*follows*
*Dave runs up to battle*
"Screw it I'm done, they never said I had to be in a battle in my contract," said Dave.
"You don't have a contract," said Jerry.
"Well, you know what, fine I'll fight, give me a gun," said Dave.
*grabs gun*
"How do you fire this thing? Do you pull this little lever thing? How about this?"
*fires and shoots Jerry in the foot*
"Funny, that is the second time this week I've done that."
Chapter 8: Libary
*Dave and Jerry walk up to meeting*
"Alright, IQ tests are today, you'll have 20 minutes to study at the libary," said Sgt. West.
"That's library!" yelled Dave.
"Shut-up," West snapped back.
"If I could only cough douchebag," Dave whispered to himself, "oh wait, I can! *cough* Douchebag *cough*".
*training montage*
*20 minutes later*
"Alright start now," said West.
*2 hours later*
"Dave, hurry up, everybody has been done for an hour and fifty minutes," said Jerry.
"Let me work at my own pace!" yelled Dave.
"Your pace is like a fu**ing turtle."
"Fu** you."
"Whatever," said Jerry, backing off.
"Now seriously, fu**. You."
*two days later*
"Dave," said Jerry, "we have your test results."
*da da*
"You are not... a retard," said Jerry.
*random clapping and cheering*
"Oh wait, you are the father though."
Chapter 9: Fail
*Dave walks up to Jerry*
"What are you doing?"
"Experiments on how to modify weapons," said Jerry.
"Oh, cool, and what do you mean by modify?"
"Customizing."
"And how does that make you feel?"
"What are you talking about?!"
"Am I making you angry?"
"Very angry Dave."
"Well maybe we should just break up! How would you like that?!" *bursts into tears*
"Woah!" said Jerry, "calm down!"
"And I bet you think I'm fat!"
"What?!"
"Take back your ring!"
"What ring?!" screamed Jerry.
"*calms down suddenly* Your burning your clothes."
*Jerry screams and rolls on the floor*
"Hang on I'll help, *picks up pistol and shoots Jerry in the foot*."
*more screams*
"I am on a roll!"
Chapter 10: Fail... again
*Jerry walks up to Dave*
"What are you doing?" asked Jerry.
"Reading."
"Um... a dictionary?"
"It's a combonation of a dictionary and a thesaurus."
"Even worse," said Jerry.
"You fail."
"Why?"
"Cause your a dic* and you should start suckin coc*!" yelled Dave.
"I can't believe you! I thought our *** friendship meant something to you!!"
*starts crying and runs away*
"I think he's on his period, better get him a maxipad."
*goes back to reading*
"Wait," Dave said to himself, "I'm reading this upside down.* flips book* Ohhhhh, that's penis. I understand."
*drinks water*
"Oh my God! I could've had a..."
*freezes*
"Now," said the narrator, "are we going to copy off of Family Guy and have Dave slap himself? Or will we copy off of Family Guy and make a joke about that diver or swimmer dude. Actually, we'll copy off of Family Guy and do a Cool Whip joke. Actually, nope, we don't have time."