Zanzibar, Paradise lost: Mk II

Last post 05-09-2008, 9:11 PM by smirfyxxx. 22 replies.
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  •  04-22-2008, 3:43 AM 211691

    Zanzibar, Paradise lost: Mk II

    Ok guys I did write another fan fic before but it wasn't that great and its two in the morning where I am and I had this great idea for a story so I've written a blurb here comment if you like the idea!

     

    Malcolm Reynolds his wife Evelyn Reynolds and their child, a small boy at the age of seven named Troy have their well off lives destroyed when their home on the island paradise of Zanzibar is destroyed by a massed brute assault. They flee into the jungles and the three need to protect each other with a single pistol, will they make it to safety? Or perish in the jungles?


    The fear of death is to die knowing your job isn't done, the greatest joy of life is to die knowing your job is done... the only problem is that to do my job I need to kill every covenant bugger out there...
  •  04-22-2008, 3:51 AM 211692 in reply to 211691

    Re: Zanzibar, Paradise lost: Mk II

    Sounds too much like a typical survival story for me, but then again, this is Halo. I haven't read your other fan fic, so I can't comment on your writing.

    Go ahead and try writing it. I'll be here to see how you go. Good luck, and do better than my expectations.


    Officialy offline as of April 4 Australian time.
  •  04-22-2008, 10:17 PM 212372 in reply to 211691

    Re: Zanzibar, Paradise lost: Mk II

                                                                                                                                                                                                   Chapter One:

                                                                                                                                                                                                          Running
     

     

     

     

    Quiet... I hadn't heard that in almost three days, there was always the constant sound of pursuit, the screaming of brutes, guns sounding off in the distance... but it is quiet now something that makes me very uneasy. I turn my head away from the dark, fog covered jungle and look back at my family down in a small natural ditch, Troy already asleep and my wife sitting next to him. I smile, at least they got out with me I think to myself, I turn my head to the jungles again and realize that there is no point keeping watch, there is just too much fog. If the brutes come upon us during night they can slit our throats at least it would be over with. I walk over to my wife and sit down next to her she leans on me and puts her head into my chest and cries silently. She stops after a while and I brush her hair behind her ear and kiss her on the cheek.
    "I love you", I whisper, "and nothing will ever change that"
    "I love you too" she whispers back.
     "Now get some sleep your going to need it for tomorrow" I whisper, she nods and grabs hold of Troy and quickly falls asleep holding him.

    It is in the early hours of the morning now and I still haven't been able to get a single second of sleep, this unnatural quiet echoes through my head and resounds in my skull, something skitters to my right and I jump up and pull out my pistol and I find myself staring right into the eyes of a mongoose. I smile to myself and shoo it off, I leave my family for a moment and walk until I reach a cliff side and I sit on the edge and watch as the sun rises above the tops of trees and golden light skims across the green treetops below. I pull the data chip from my pocket the entire reason they're after us I think solemnly.

     

     

     

     


    The fear of death is to die knowing your job isn't done, the greatest joy of life is to die knowing your job is done... the only problem is that to do my job I need to kill every covenant bugger out there...
  •  04-24-2008, 2:40 AM 213123 in reply to 212372

    Re: Zanzibar, Paradise lost: Mk II

    Sorry I haven't replied earlier, I didn't get an email telling me you'd posted.

    Doing good, actually. Funny, when you said that the guy saw a 'mongoose', I got an image of him aiming a pistol at the vehicle from Halo 3.

    Keep going, I want to know what's on the data chip...


    Officialy offline as of April 4 Australian time.
  •  04-24-2008, 7:07 AM 213172 in reply to 213123

    Re: Zanzibar, Paradise lost: Mk II

    *sighs happily* don't you just love my little twists I like to do that alot in my stories lol mongoose its an actual creature I did a bit of research on Zanzibar before I wrote this

    The fear of death is to die knowing your job isn't done, the greatest joy of life is to die knowing your job is done... the only problem is that to do my job I need to kill every covenant bugger out there...
  •  04-24-2008, 7:13 AM 213174 in reply to 213172

    • Vigil
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    Re: Zanzibar, Paradise lost: Mk II

    Interesting, bit on the short side though.
    Vigil is watching you

    Halo: The Unlatched Casket- The horror is released........
  •  04-24-2008, 7:22 AM 213177 in reply to 213174

    Re: Zanzibar, Paradise lost: Mk II

    It was just something to see if you guys liked

     


    The fear of death is to die knowing your job isn't done, the greatest joy of life is to die knowing your job is done... the only problem is that to do my job I need to kill every covenant bugger out there...
  •  04-24-2008, 7:24 AM 213179 in reply to 213177

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    Re: Zanzibar, Paradise lost: Mk II

    Gaunt:

    It was just something to see if you guys liked

     

    It's got good potential, well worth being done, I just was saying that couldn't get into much as it was too short.


    Vigil is watching you

    Halo: The Unlatched Casket- The horror is released........
  •  04-24-2008, 7:28 AM 213180 in reply to 213179

    Re: Zanzibar, Paradise lost: Mk II

    Hey thats cool I wasn't getting defensive or anything I don't do that I am always open to criticism.  I'm writing a longer next chapter

     


    The fear of death is to die knowing your job isn't done, the greatest joy of life is to die knowing your job is done... the only problem is that to do my job I need to kill every covenant bugger out there...
  •  04-24-2008, 7:37 AM 213184 in reply to 213180

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    • Joined on 05-22-2007
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    Re: Zanzibar, Paradise lost: Mk II

    Gaunt:

    Hey thats cool I wasn't getting defensive or anything I don't do that I am always open to criticism.  I'm writing a longer next chapter

     

    I know, I was just saying my opinion, I was always open to criticism when I was writing.

    Good to see another good upcoming fan-fic writer appearing on the site.


    Vigil is watching you

    Halo: The Unlatched Casket- The horror is released........
  •  04-24-2008, 4:32 PM 213385 in reply to 213172

    Re: Zanzibar, Paradise lost: Mk II

    Gaunt:
    *sighs happily* don't you just love my little twists I like to do that alot in my stories lol mongoose its an actual creature I did a bit of research on Zanzibar before I wrote this

    I know what a mongoose is, a bird in Africa, isn't it?

    So when do we find out about that chip? I can't stand suspense, one of the reasons why I read military fiction, there isn't any!


    Officialy offline as of April 4 Australian time.
  •  04-24-2008, 7:37 PM 213580 in reply to 213385

    Re: Zanzibar, Paradise lost: Mk II

    Hunter_Killer_12:

    Gaunt:
    *sighs happily* don't you just love my little twists I like to do that alot in my stories lol mongoose its an actual creature I did a bit of research on Zanzibar before I wrote this

    I know what a mongoose is, a bird in Africa, isn't it?

    So when do we find out about that chip? I can't stand suspense, one of the reasons why I read military fiction, there isn't any!

    It is a little mammal with four feet and its nocturnal you were close but these ones don't fly  


    The fear of death is to die knowing your job isn't done, the greatest joy of life is to die knowing your job is done... the only problem is that to do my job I need to kill every covenant bugger out there...
  •  04-24-2008, 7:44 PM 213594 in reply to 213172

    Re: Zanzibar, Paradise lost: Mk II

    Good.

    xbox Live Gamertag = SBDassassin21
  •  04-25-2008, 12:51 AM 213787 in reply to 213580

    Re: Zanzibar, Paradise lost: Mk II

    Gaunt:
    Hunter_Killer_12:

    Gaunt:
    *sighs happily* don't you just love my little twists I like to do that alot in my stories lol mongoose its an actual creature I did a bit of research on Zanzibar before I wrote this

    I know what a mongoose is, a bird in Africa, isn't it?

    So when do we find out about that chip? I can't stand suspense, one of the reasons why I read military fiction, there isn't any!

    It is a little mammal with four feet and its nocturnal you were close but these ones don't fly  

    You sure it's not a bird? (I couldn't be bothered looking it up on Wikipedia).

    Anyway, back on topic, when can we expect the next chapter?


    Officialy offline as of April 4 Australian time.
  •  04-25-2008, 4:34 AM 213837 in reply to 213787

    • Vigil
    • Top 10 Contributor
    • Joined on 05-22-2007
    • Forerunner personel assitance AI serial E/9 657 82
    • Posts 8,688

    Re: Zanzibar, Paradise lost: Mk II

    Hunter_Killer_12:
    Gaunt:
    Hunter_Killer_12:

    Gaunt:
    *sighs happily* don't you just love my little twists I like to do that alot in my stories lol mongoose its an actual creature I did a bit of research on Zanzibar before I wrote this

    I know what a mongoose is, a bird in Africa, isn't it?

    So when do we find out about that chip? I can't stand suspense, one of the reasons why I read military fiction, there isn't any!

    It is a little mammal with four feet and its nocturnal you were close but these ones don't fly  

    You sure it's not a bird? (I couldn't be bothered looking it up on Wikipedia).

    Anyway, back on topic, when can we expect the next chapter?

    It's kinda like a ferret or weasel, they're rather small and eat snakes.

    Dwarf Mongoose (Helogale parvula)


    Vigil is watching you

    Halo: The Unlatched Casket- The horror is released........
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